(I am one of the unfortunate former students of a for-profit college that was fined for massive student fraud and shut down. At the time of this incident, I am struggling to find a position in the career I graduated for, and have my resume posted on as many job search websites as I can find. I get a phone call one day:)

Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “This is she.”

Caller: “Hello, [My Name], this is [Caller] from [Door-to-Door Insurance Company].”

Me: “Uh, I believe there’s been a mistake. I haven’t signed up for any talks on insurance.”

Caller: “Oh, no, we actually saw your resume online and believe we have a position that you would be perfect for!”

Me: *immediately suspicious, but I put on a falsely cheerful tone* “You have a position for medical administration? That’s great!”

Caller: *her own cheerful tone is suddenly forced* “Oh, uh, well, er no… but we DO have many positions available and—”

Me: “Oh, so you have a regular administration position open?”

Caller: *through her teeth* “Uh, no, ma’am. My position is the only position in our company that deals with administrative duties and it’s not available….”

Me: *no longer pretending to be cheerful* “So you saw my resume, a resume CLEARLY marked for ‘administrative positions only’ and you wanted to offer me a job that I’m not qualified for?”

Caller: “Well, we do have a class you can take that will certify you to sell insurance. It costs $1,500 to complete, but we waive the cost of the class if you graduate and if we hire you.”

(She said the ‘if’ parts really fast like she was trying to hide it.)

Me: “IF?! Are you being serious right now?! You want me to attend yet another school and accrue MORE debt, which will only be waived IF I graduate and IF you hire me?! You saw my resume. You should KNOW that my skills are specific to administration, and especially medical administration. Knowing that, why did you even call me in the first place?”

Caller: *half mumbling* “Actually, my manager read your resume and just gave me your contact info…”

Me: *coldly* “I think we’re done here.”

(And I hung up. Months later I was told that due to the aforementioned fraud, employers in my field don’t consider my education to be valid enough to risk hiring. I’m still waiting on the decision for loan forgiveness for my worthless education.)

(As I am preparing for my date and fixing my hair. I turn to my mother and ask:)

Me: “Do you think I should wear my hair up or down with my glasses?”

(She looked for a moment.)

Mother: “Well, do you want to look intelligent or like yourself?”

(It’s right after winter break, and I’m chatting with my lab manager, my research professor, and one of the new hires. My research professor is paraplegic; I know it happened the summer he was 19, but he doesn’t talk about it much. I’m describing going skiing with my boyfriend.)

Me: “…he couldn’t get more than ten feet without falling down, even on perfectly level ground, never mind on the hills. I was honestly kind of scared he was going to break a bone or something; ski accidents can get ugly.”

Research Professor: *totally deadpan, and gesturing at his wheelchair* “I know, right?”

(The lab manager and I started cracking up, while the new hire looked horrified. My research professor lasted about thirty seconds before he broke and started cracking up, too. One of many reasons he is my favorite professor ever!)

(It is January of 2015, and at the time, my state is getting hit often with really bad snow storms. On this day, I have a late shift, 5:00 to 10:00 pm, and the weather report is warning of another severe storm that is going to start kicking up around the time I am going to be headed into work. I live quite a ways away from the store and have to take several winding, hilly roads to get there, so for my own safety, I decide that morning to call out.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. The weather is going to be really bad, and I don’t feel safe coming in for my shift tonight.”

Manager: *coldly* “[My Name], weather isn’t an excuse not to come into work. If it was, everyone would be calling out. I’ve got a business to run. You have to come in for your shift tonight.”

Me: *speechless*

(So I head into work a few hours later and as I’m driving, the snow starts falling. I’m beyond angry that I have to come in, especially with the manager confirming to my face that he cares more about money than he does his employees’ safety, but I suck it up and head to my register. As I’m setting up, my manager is leaving for home and he heads over to me.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], when you called, I hadn’t checked the weather yet. I didn’t know how bad it is gonna be.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I knew he was lying, as the storm and been common knowledge for almost a week at that point, so I just nodded and didn’t say anything else. It took me over an hour to drive home in the dark that night, with several inches of snow covering the roads and continuing to fall. There were hardly any customers anyway, thanks to the bad weather, and so work could have easily survived without me. He was an awful manager, so I was quite happy when he moved to another store a few months later.)

Related:
A Storm Of Protest, Part 2
A Storm Of Protest

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(My husband and I share a girlfriend, with whom we live. We share everything pretty equally, including sometimes stealing each other’s clothes, which usually takes the form of our girlfriend or I stealing Hubby’s pajamas. Hubby is outside, while our girlfriend and I are in the bedroom, folding laundry.)

Me: *grabbing a pair of Hubby’s pajama pants* “I can see why you steal these; they’re really comfy.”

Girlfriend: “I know he sometimes gets annoyed, but it’s his fault for having such comfy clothes.”

Me: “He had it coming.”

Girlfriend: *singing* “He had it coming. He had it coming. He only had himself to blame.”

Me: *also singing* “If you’d’a been there, if you’d’a seen it, I betchya you would have done the same.”

Girlfriend: “Good thing he wasn’t in here, we may have worried him.”

Me: “At least he’s seen Chicago, so he’d probably just roll his eyes. Otherwise I’m sure he would’ve backed away slowly…”

(Of course, he was outside the bedroom window, so he probably heard us anyway.)