(My friend and I are discussing the issue of hot guys who act like jerks.)
Friend: “It’s like that thing your parents say about you can be pretty on the outside but your inside is ugly.”
Me: “Sorta like, you’re a d**k, but I want your d**k, y’know?”
(A customer comes in to clean out and sign paperwork for a vehicle in her name. The car is totalled, as it had run head-first into a tree and sustained more repair costs than the car itself is worth. My coworker comes up from the accounting area of the offices with the forms and they stand by my receptionist desk to get everything done.)
Car Owner: “I can’t believe my stupid son wrecked this so badly!”
(She keeps referring to him as her “stupid son” or “stupid boy” but not meanly — it’s more like she loves him but can’t believe what he did. My coworker just ignores it in favor of taking care of business, but she finally smiles and shakes her head.)
Coworker: “I’m sure he’s not that bad.”
Customer: “Do you know what he told me? ‘I didn’t know the road curved, Ma.'”
Coworker: “Oh, well… I guess you have a point!”
My friend walks into my family’s house.
Friend: “Oh! Did you re-decorate?”
Me: “No, we cleaned up.”
(I work for a large chain retail store. It is Black Friday. I am working the register when a very pregnant lady comes through his line.)
Customer: “Hi there. Have you been holding up okay today?”
Me: “Yeah, I’m making it through fine, thanks! Maybe I should be asking you that question, heh.”
Customer: “Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m in labor but I just couldn’t miss out on these great deals!”
Me: *speechless*
(Who is in the middle of giving birth and decides they need to fight the Black Friday masses and wait hours in line to get a few things on sale?!)
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(I work at a small self-serve frozen yogurt store. One night, a man and his young daughter come in, the daughter clearly excited about getting frozen yogurt. I chat with them, help them out, and everything goes fine until it’s time to pay. He reaches into his wallet to pay, and pulls out a $100 bill. Because $100 bills are so easily faked and because we have so little in our change drawers, our store policy won’t let me accept it.)
Me: “I’m afraid I can’t accept a $100 bill, sir; it’s against our store policy. Do you have another method of payment, like a credit card?”
Customer: “No, this is all I have. Are you sure that you can’t take it?”
(He shows me the entire wallet, which, true to his word, only has $100 bills. By this point, from his accent and the contents of his wallet, it’s clear to me that he and his daughter are foreign tourists out for a late night treat, and as she has been so excited, I don’t have the heart to make her give the yogurt back.)
Me: “In that case, I’ll just let you have the yogurt for free.”
Customer: “Oh! Thank you — but I’ll come back to pay you. I’ll go to the bank and get smaller bills.”
Me: “You don’t have to do that; it’s all right. Have a good night!”
Customer: “No, no, no. I will come back!”
(The two of them start to head out with their yogurt.)
Customer’s Daughter: “Where are we going, Daddy?”
Customer: “To the bank, so that I can pay the lady. Go ahead and eat your yogurt.”
(They leave, and I leave the check open and go back to tending to the store. About fifteen minutes later, I notice a truck pull up in front of the store, and to my surprise, it’s that customer and his daughter!)
Me: “Hello, I see that you are back!”
Customer: “Yes, I went to the bank to get money you can take. Here you are!”
Me: “Oh, thank you!”
(He hands me a $20 to pay. Since I’d left the check open, I was able to give him change and hand it to him.)
Customer: “They closed the exit to here so I had to drive all the way around to the other exit — but I was going to get you your money!”
Me: “Thank you very much for coming back, sir. A lot of people wouldn’t have bothered.”
Customer: “No, thank you for letting us take the yogurt. Have a good night!”
(That girl is lucky to have such a great father!)
