I work in one of those stores with the annoying rule given by corporate on high that we’re not allowed to kick customers out past closing time. Despite numerous announcements and a personal reminder delivered by the manager, this customer is still browsing our shelves twenty-five minutes past closing.

After completing all our closing duties, I am standing at the customer service desk with my manager and another coworker. We have to man this desk until all the customers are out of the building; it also acts as the one open checkout after closing.

Me: “That guy is still here!”

Manager: “I swear, this is the third time I have seen him do this. I think he’s figured out he can get away with it, so he does it on purpose.”

Me: “Why?!”

Manager: “You’re new to retail, so let me tell you this truth right now. Some customers live such sad and miserable little lives that they’ve convinced themselves that the only way they can get any kind of pleasure is to exert power over retail staff, the only people who they can do that to.”

Me: “The little jerk!”

Manager: “F*** this. I am done with his BS.”

My manager goes to his office and then to the back with one of the other managers, who looks as exasperated as we are.

Seconds later, the fire alarm goes off, and the sound is deafening. I hear my manager over the speakers.

Manager: “All customers, please evacuate the store immediately! The fire alarm has been activated! Please evacuate the store immediately!”

Amazingly, this customer spends about fifteen seconds IGNORING the fire alarm, but then he gives up and finally leaves, scowling at everything on the way out. As soon as he’s out the door, the fire alarm magically stops. I am locking the door behind him as he turns around to hear the alarm stop, and he realizes what has just happened.

Customer: “Hey, wait a min—”

Me: *As fast as possible* “Thank you, we are closed, byeeeeee!”

I lock the door and run away. My manager and the other manager are back on the shop floor looking pleased with themselves.

Me: “Doesn’t activating the fire alarm automatically call the fire department?”

Manager: “What fire alarm? My custom ringtone just accidentally went off right next to the microphone at full volume while [Other Manager] accidentally sat on the button to turn on the announcement speakers. It’s uncanny.” *Winks*

The customer did complain in the end. Corporate asked questions. We all pushed back, and that stupid rule about not being able to kick out customers after closing time was abolished!

This story is part of the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2023 roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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I have just rung up all the items for a customer. Because we have alcohol and cigarettes behind the counter, I also usually ask:

Me: “Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *Super cheery* “I’d like all the cash in your register!”

Me: “Uh… that sounds like you want to rob the place.”

Customer: “Oh! No, it was just a joke!”

Me: *Nervously smiling* “Hehe… maybe word that differently… or safer yet, don’t make that joke at all.”

Customer: “Yeah… the guy at the last convenience store said the same thing.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “And so did the police after they arrived.”

Me: “Are… are you making a joke again?”

Customer: “No… Why?”

I’ve stopped asking, “Anything else I can do for you?”

CONTENT WARNING: Bloody Injury

My late grandmother used to work as a receptionist at an emergency room. One day, they had a logger come limping in, leaving bloody footprints across the floor. Grandma yelled for the attending and the head ER nurse and went to help even though she wanted to run away. The man’s caulk (spiked) boot was split back three inches or more from the toe. (This was before steel-toed boots.)

They got the logger into a room and cut the boot down both sides. When they removed the remains of the boot, blood poured out and went all over… and the big, rough, tough he-man logger passed out cold.

The ER doctor put someone to monitoring the logger’s vital signs, which were good; he had simply fainted.

So, the doctor proceeded with cutting the logger’s heavy wool sock off. Then, the doctor frowned. They washed the foot, disinfected and dried it, put a band-aid on it, woke the logger up, and sent him home.

The axe had gone in between the logger’s biggest toe and the next toe and made a small cut in the web between the toes, which had bled a fair bit by the time he’d gotten down to the road and then ridden in the “crummy” (crew truck) all the way to the hospital!

Our store is having a big sale, and we have some obnoxiously huge “SALE!” signs all over the store. I am checking a customer out who has taken advantage of a few of our sale items.

Customer: “It’s so sad that you’re closing down.”

Me: *Checking out her last item* “Closing down? Ma’am, we’re not closing down.”

Customer: “Oh, they didn’t tell you yet? That’s so sad for you.”

Me: *Showing her the total* “Ma’am, I happen to know that our store is the most profitable of [Chain] in the county. We’re not closing down.”

Customer: “But you’re having a closing-down sale!”

Me: *Taking her payment.* “No, ma’am, it’s just a sale. It’s a big one, I’ll give you that, but still not a closing-down sale.”

Customer: “So sad that I have to be the one to tell you.”

Me: *Confirming payment and handing her the receipt* “Ma’am, we’re not closing down.”

Customer: *Starts walking away* “I hope you have luck finding another job.”

Me: “Ma’am…” 

Customer: *Still walking away* “Really, so sad. So very sad…”

A group of well-dressed women are at my bar in a relatively touristy town this Saturday afternoon.

Customer: “Can I have a Long Island iced tea?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

I get the ladies their drinks, mostly fruit juices and such, except for this one. She takes a sip of her drink and immediately spits it out in an unsanitary spray all over the bar.

Customer: “What is in this?!”

Me: “Vodka, tequila, light rum, triple sec, gin, and some cola.”

Customer: “There’s alcohol in this! I can’t drink alcohol! It’s against my religion!”

Me: “A Long Island iced tea is pretty well-known as an alcoholic cocktail.”

Customer: “I thought it was iced tea! Where’s your manager?! I’m gonna sue! You made me commit a sin in the eyes of the Lord!”

Me: “I am the bar manager today, ma’am. If you’re looking to take legal action against a bar that served you alcohol after asking for… well… alcohol… good luck!”

The woman gets up and starts for the door. The other women start to get up with her.

Me: “However, if you try to leave without paying for those drinks, I expect I’ll have a lot more luck with my legal action than you will with yours.”

The woman scowls at me but then angrily throws some bills my way.

Customer: “There’s a place in Hell with your name on it!” 

Me: “And I bet it has a bar! Have a nice day, ma’am.”