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Even Poltergeists Worry About Identity Theft

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2009

(A lady came and returned a paper shredder to the store because the one she had was running its motor at odd intervals when no one was in the room. I exchanged her shredder for a new one and offered to carry it out to her car for her.)

Customer: “You know, if I hadn’t moved recently, I wouldn’t have thought twice about my old shredder acting up.”

Me: “Really? Why is that?”

Customer: “Well, my old house was haunted!”

Me: “Really…”

Customer: “Really. My old house was haunted by the ghosts of my ex-husband and his crazy, dead aunt. You know, most people would think I’m crazy, but you seem really receptive to this!”

A Sweet Tooth… And Sweet Legs, Sweet Arms…

, , , , , | Right | July 28, 2009

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this cookie jar.”

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.” *hands receipts over*

Me: “So, why are you returning this?”

Customer: “Oh, my husband didn’t fit into it.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, my husband recently passed away. He loved cookies, so I figured that I would get him something like this for an urn, but when I tried to put him in there, he didn’t fit.”

Me: “Ah.”

Security Insecurity

, , , | Right | July 28, 2009

Customer: “I want to pay my cell phone bill.”

Me: “Sure. May I have your wireless number?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t give that out.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, I need your wireless number in order to pull up your account.”

Customer: “No! I don’t give anyone my number. That’s personal and private. Let me give you my social…”


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Hope For The Best, Prepare For The 50 Megaton Blast

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2009

(I work in an electronics & gas appliance store. A customer is inquiring about fireplaces.)

Customer: “I would like a power flue, but if the electricity cuts out I’ll be left with no heating!”

Supervisor: “We’re pretty lucky here, though. The electricity very rarely cuts out.”

Customer: “But… what if they drop a bomb?!”

Supervisor: “Well, um… we’d all be dead, so it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

Customer: “No, not necessarily. Unfortunately, some of us will survive, and we will be left with no heating!”

Supervisor: “How… unfortunate?”

Shooting Yourself In The Foot After Getting It In The Door

, , , | Right | July 27, 2009

(A woman with a resume approaches our hostess at six pm on a very busy Friday night.)

Woman: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

Hostess: “They’re all busy right now, but I can take your resume and pass it along.”

Woman: “No. I want to speak with a manager now.”

Hostess: “Well, like I said, they’re all unavailable right now, but I can pass along–”

Woman: “No. I want a manager now. I want them to put a face to the name on the resume. I want to be professional!”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, but you’ve walked in at the beginning of the dinner rush. Perhaps you should try coming back during the slow times, usually three to five pm?”

Woman: “No. I am here now, and I will speak with a manager now! You are being unprofessional!”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really can’t ask them to conduct an interview when they are backed up with orders.”

Woman: “Fine! This is a waste of my time!”

(The woman ripped her resume in two, dropped it on the floor, and stormed out the front door. Suffice it to say, she wasn’t professional enough for the job.)