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Natural Born Politician

, , , , , | Learning Right | July 19, 2008

(I overheard this from a school group at a theme park.)

Student: “God, these stupid lines are so long!”

Teacher: “If you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Student: “I mean… these great lines are just long enough that we miss everything!”


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A Method To The Madness

, , , | Right | July 19, 2008

Me: “Hi there. Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids’ meal.”

Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Sweet and sour.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”

Me: *catching on to their game* “Okay… what would you like to dip?”

Customer: “Coke!”

Some Questions Should Never Be Answered

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2008

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a–” *ahem* “–content which we cannot print.”

Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.”

Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?”

Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.”

Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?”

Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.”

Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!”

You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 2

, , , | Right | July 18, 2008

(The store in question is very small: eight aisles, total, in a nice, easy-to-see square configuration.)

Customer: “Where are your batteries?”

Me: “Aisle three.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Aisle three…” *points* “… just behind you.”

Customer: “Oh. Which one is aisle three?”

Me: “The one with the ‘three’ on it, sir. In between aisles two and four.”

Customer: “Thanks!” *wanders off into aisle two*

Boss: “Don’t do that again.”

Related:
You Can Lead A Horse To Water


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Case In Point

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2008

Very Pregnant Girl: “I want to get my eyebrow pierced.”

Me: “I’m not piercing you until you pop out that kid.”

Very Pregnant Girl: “Why not? I have my ID; I have money!”

Me: “You’re pregnant.”

Very Pregnant Girl: “So?”

Me: “Whatever I do to you, your baby feels. When you get pierced, your adrenaline rises and your blood sugar drops.”

Very Pregnant Girl: “Well… the opposite happens to me!”

Me: “Okay, that doesn’t make any sense, but fine. Your adrenaline drops and your blood sugar rises. It’s still affecting your kid negatively. Kinda like how you can’t drink or smoke when you’re pregnant.”

Very Pregnant Girl: “My mom smoked with me and I smoked with all my kids and we’re all fine!”

Me: “…”


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