(I’m a Black man walking up to a customer in the ink area. She seems to need help finding the cartridge for her printer.)

Me: “Ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need black ink.” *takes one look at me and points to the skin on my arm* “I need this color!”

Me: *trying my best to hide my irritation* “Sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell brown ink.”

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(Overheard at a playground…)

Mother: “Are your children wearing traditional Japanese kimonos?”

Japanese Mother: “No, they’re Star Wars costumes.”

(I’m the customer in this situation, and have just pulled up to the order box at an ice cream and burger joint.)

Employee: “Hi! Thank you for choosing [Store]. What can I get started for you today?”

Me: “Hi! May I please have a grande M&M [Shake] with extra M&Ms?”

Employee: “I’m terribly sorry; what size did you say?”

Me: “A grande! And may I please have it in a venti cup so I don’t spill ice cream over the side?”

Employee: “I can put a medium [Shake] into a large cup for you, if that’s okay?”

Me: *light clicks on upstairs* “I just ordered in [Coffee Shop] lingo, didn’t I?”

Employee: *laughing* “Yes, ma’am, you did!”

Me: *at the window* “May I share with you why I ordered incorrectly?”

(The order-taker nods, and I hold up my work hat and apron, both in [Coffee Shop]’s signature color and emblazoned with our logo.)

Me: “I just got off work. I’ve been repeating back orders as grande and venti all day!”

Employee: *laughing, to her coworker* “Hey, go ahead and throw an extra-extra scoop of M&Ms in that [Shake]; she’s been slingin’ coffee all day!”

(Thank you, kind person, for being patient with me, and for giving me more chocolate. One can never have enough chocolate.)

(I work in a high-end department store known for its excellent customer service. In fact, one of our mottos is, “We wear smiles, not name tags.” We’re trained to smile and ask customers if they’re finding everything all right when they’re in our department, if they’re not already being helped by someone else. I’m currently ringing up a gentleman in my department when a young woman runs over to him from the ladies’ shoe department.)

Dad: “Did you find any you like?”

Daughter: “No, I can’t stay over there. There are too many salespeople.”

Dad: “Were they being too aggressive?”

Daughter: “No, they were all just asking me if I was doing okay. I can’t stay over there!”

Dad: *long pause* “Honey, this is [Store], and that’s their job. That’s why I shop here. Let’s go to [Other Store]; they’ll ignore you there.”

(Thanks, Dad, for recognizing and appreciating the difference between being attentive and being aggressive.)

(My boss has been trying to get the motivation to fix a company-wide organizational chart that even his own boss said is not a huge priority. After sitting on it for several days, my boss brings the chart back to me.)

Boss: “I’m giving this back to you because I just can’t get the motivation to work on this right now.” *lowers voice* “And frankly, I don’t care.”

Me: *laughs* “I get it.”

Boss: “So, just sit on it for a while and we’ll work on it later.”

Me: “I have this in electronic format, so if you want to take this and crumple it up, be my guest.”

Boss: *face lights up like a little kid on Christmas* “Yes!” *crumples the chart into a ball with a look of evil glee*

Me: “Feel better?”

Boss: “Oh, yes.”