This is during the mask mandate. I’m a cashier and I notice I start to get a bit shaky and hungry. I buy chips to eat while I do not have customers in my line. I’m eating and have my mask down while I do, because I can’t eat through a mask. A male customer comes up and shoves the large “please wear a mask” sign into my face and walks off. About ten minutes later:

Manager: “I just had a customer complain that you weren’t wearing your mask.”

Me: “Did they mention I was eating? You can check the cameras. My blood sugar dropped.”

Manager: “He did. You’re not in any trouble at all. Just giving a heads-up it happened, and he walked out saying he’s never shopping here again.” *Walks away*

How much of a jerk do you have to be over someone eating potato chips for their blood sugar and complain I wasn’t wearing a mask at the time? Sorry I don’t put holes in my mask that’s meant to protect me to eat or drink.

A customer comes up to me in the pharmacy, drops his underwear, and shows me all his intimate bits covered in some kind of rash.

Customer: “What do I need?”

Me: “A doctor and a sense of boundaries…”

[Coworker #1] needs to get something. She leaves her phone, in vibrate mode, on her desk. While away, her phone buzzes.

[Coworker #2] is from Haiti, and while his professional English is excellent, he doesn’t know every slang term.

This transpires when [Coworker #1] returns to her cubicle.

Coworker #2: “You left your vibrator on.”

Coworker #1: “Excuse me?!”

Coworker #2: “Your vibrator… on your desk?”

Coworker #1: “I don’t know what you think you’re—”

Me: *Realizing* “No, no, no, no, no!”

Cue hasty explanations to both sides.

Like pretty much every movie theater in the modern world, we don’t allow smoking on the premises. I am checking a screen and I can see a customer vaping like it’s nothing.

Me: “No smoking of any kind in the theater, please, sir!”

The customer is insulted and tries to hide that he’s just taken a puff.

Customer: “I’m not smoking; I’m vaping!”

Me: “And what’s that coming out of your mouth right now?”

Customer: “I… I have a medical condition!”

Me: “What? Spontaneous combustion?”

He grunted and I kept my eye on him every few minutes throughout the rest of the movie.

I have just come home from the hospital after having a baby. We’re both doing fine, but I’m still tired, sore, and cranky from pushing a human being out of my body. The phone rings after I get settled in and my husband hands me the phone.

Caller: “Hi! This is [Caller] with [My Alma Mater], and we’re reaching out to all our alumni for our annual donation drive. What can we put you down for?”

Me: “Look, [Caller]. This is a really bad time. I just came home from having a baby a couple of hours ago. Can you call back sometime next week after I’ve had time to recover?”

Caller: “Oh, congratulations! So, we have several options for donations…”

Me: “I don’t think you heard me. I had a baby yesterday. I got home from the hospital two hours ago. I’m not in the mood to talk about donations today.”

Caller: “I understand this may be a difficult time for you, but we use these donations for scholarships. I see here that you yourself benefitted from our scholarship program.”

Me: “Okay. Hon? I’m trying to be nice to you. But having a baby means medical bills. I’m not even sure I’ll have money to donate this year. Unless you’re personally going to help me out with those bills, don’t expect a donation from me this year.”

The caller hurriedly apologized and hung up. Was it something I said?