I’m called into human resources out of the blue one morning. I don’t understand what it could be about. I keep my head down and work hard; I rarely make mistakes.

Eventually, they let me into a meeting room and one of the HR team speaks to me.

Human Resources: “I’ve been asked to speak with you today about an issue with [Coworker]. Do you know what this relates to?”

Me: “No idea.”

Human Resources: “She states that you exclude her, ignore her, and don’t help her when she asks.”

Me: “I’ll be honest; I don’t really know what this is about. We don’t work on the same area, and if I choose not to socialise with her on my breaks, that’s my time and my prerogative.”

Human Resources: *Pauses* “That is true, but what about the help she asked for? What does that relate to?”

Me: “I don’t know. We don’t work together, so I can’t help her work-wise; I’m not trained in her job. She did ask me to get her some things from the shop before.”

Human Resources: “And you refused?”

Me: “Well, yeah. I wasn’t even going to the shops, so why would I spend my lunch getting her things?”

Human Resources: “Okay, so that’s it?”

Me: “Unless you have some examples or evidence.”

Human Resources: “No, I really don’t. Well, thank you for your help. I don’t know what to do about this one.”

I left her to it. I didn’t hear any more after a few weeks, so I emailed HR and asked what the situation was and whether it was resolved. They told me, “Due to the lack of evidence and numerous statements confirming similar instances, all investigations have been dropped.” It stands the weirdest interaction I’ve ever had with HR, and I can only assume [Coworker] was trying to bully people into doing what she wanted and then running to report anyone who didn’t.

I’m at a convention with my boyfriend. He’s been rather nasty as of late but he’s been okay at the convention. I’ve cosplayed a character that has very pale skin but very dark eyes which require a bucket load of makeup. It’s the evening and we’ve plans to meet up with friends in one of their rooms. I’ve stripped to my underwear and I’m trying to get rid of my makeup when the light in the hotel bathroom goes out; this is the only mirror in the room. I persevere and think I’ve gotten all of it off, so I exit the bathroom.

Boyfriend: *Sharply* “Are you going out like that?!“

Me: *Thinking he’s joking* “Well, I intend to wear a T-shirt and trousers, too.”

Boyfriend: *Explodes* “You’re trying to make people think I hit you! You b****!”

Me: *Taken aback* “What?”

I look in the front-facing camera of my phone to see that I’ve completely failed to remove the makeup and just smeared it round my eye.

Me: “You know, you can just say I’m s*** at taking off makeup.”

Boyfriend: “Tch, like you didn’t do it on purpose! The bathroom—”

Me: “—light has broken. It’s dark in there. I tried. I failed. Why are you even accusing me of this? If I was going to try and frame you, I could use any of the bruises from my arms, torso, and legs from where I walk into s***, not something that can be wiped away by a competent individual armed with a makeup wipe.”

He isn’t my boyfriend anymore.

My flatmate and I have struggled with our weight. We think having someone there to keep us on track will help, so we make a pact to get fit together. We both switch to healthy meals, ditch the drink in the week, and promise to exercise together.

It works well at first. She lasts two weeks before trying to get me to drink with her. I tell her no, I’m sticking to our plan. It takes a couple of weeks before she starts to hint about wanting takeaway, which she only wanted at the end of each month. I just ignore her.

A few days after that:

Me: “So, you’re ready to exercise?”

Flatmate: “…”

Me: “Are you? I was going to get changed.”

Flatmate: “I don’t know, maybe.”

I’m literally waiting for her; any longer and we won’t have time.

Me: “Well?”

Flatmate: “Ugh, God. Why are you always telling me what to do?” 

Me: “We promised each other to do this. Part of it was to exercise on Wednesdays together.”

Flatmate: “No, okay?! No, I’m not!”

Me: “Fine, whatever. I’ll do it without you.”

I do. She avoids me for weeks. I make the meals we said we were going to eat. I let her drink alone every night and I exercise without her. After a few months, I’ve lost some weight and am feeling great. In fact, I have to buy some new clothes. I try to make amends and give her some of my nicer clothes.

Me: “These don’t fit me. You can have them if you want them.”

Flatmate: “Oh, because I’m fat, is it?”

Me: “Do you want them or not?”

She didn’t answer and just swore some nonsense about everyone being against her and something about not supporting her. Some people cannot be helped.

I briefly worked as a teacher in one of the worst schools in the country. There were all kinds of social problems, including rampant drug abuse. One of the pupils decided to smoke cannabis to calm himself down before an exam; unfortunately, he smoked a rather large amount, so he was barely conscious when he filed into the exam hall.

Some minutes in, the teacher invigilating the exam observed that the boy’s exam paper had fallen on the floor and he was busily writing on the table. There was some anxiety as to whether this might mean that the table would have to be sent in to be marked, but thankfully, on examination — pun definitely intended — it was ascertained that what he had written on the table had nothing whatsoever to do with the exam paper or even its subject.

That was good, because the exam board would not have appreciated having a tabletop sent in for marking.

A customer calls in looking for help with her computer.

Me: “I need you to click the start icon on the bottom left-hand corner.”

Customer: “Your left or my left?”