Divorcing Yourself From The Blame

, , , | Working | October 11, 2017

(It’s Monday morning and I ring my boss.)

Me: “Morning, [Boss]. I just wanted to let you know we’re running very low on change.”

Boss: “I thought there was about £120 in the till?”

Me: “There is, but £100 is in twenties, and the rest in small silver. No pound coins, no fives, no tens; I can’t give change.”

Boss: *furious* “How did this happen? Why was it left like this? Why wasn’t I told?!”

Me: “No idea, I’ve been on holiday for the past week. This is my first day back.”

Boss: *even more cross* “I should have been informed; this shouldn’t have happened!! Who worked the last shift?!”

Me: “Your wife…”

Boss: *pause* “Okay, tell me what you need.”

An Apple A Day Keeps The Scammer Away

, , , | Working | October 11, 2017

Scammer: *on the phone* “Hello, I am [Name] from Microsoft Support. Unfortunately, we have received a report of your computer being infected and will need to fix it right away. Are you close to your computer?”

Me: “I am now.”

Scammer: *on the phone* “Is it on?”

Me: “Hold on. I’ll start it up.”

(I put the phone close to my iMac computer and turn it on. It makes the famous Apple start-up noise.)

Scammer: *click*

I Tyre Of Your Timing

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

(My car is due for its MOT, a yearly safety check required by law in the UK, and the tread on my two front tyres is getting close to the legal limit, so I book a mobile tyre company to come change them for me. I book online and get an email that gives me a reference number and confirms that my time slot is from 8:00 to 11:00 am. It also says that on the day of my appointment, I’ll receive text updates. At 10:00 am on the day, I’ve heard nothing, so I call the office to check.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve got a booking today between 8:00 and 11:00, but I’ve heard nothing from you. Could you check what’s happening for me?”

Staff #1: “Okay, what’s your name please?”

Me: “It’s [My Name]. I’ve got my booking reference, if that would help?”

Staff #1: “No, we can’t look up bookings by references. Can you tell me your…” *list of details*

Me: *confirms all details*

Staff #1: “Okay, I’ve found your booking. It’s [reference number], correct?”

Me: *face-palming* “Yes.”

Staff #1: “Right. Thank you for confirming your booking. One of our team will call you back shortly to answer your query.”

Me: “Wait, what?! Why does someone have to call me back? My appointment slot is 8:00 to 11:00. It’s now 10:20, and I have to leave for work by 11:30. I need to know what’s happening.”

Staff #1: *sighs* “Okay, I’ll let them know it’s urgent.”

(She hangs up before I can say anything. Almost half an hour later, having heard nothing from them, I ring back. I have to confirm all of my details again, and I finally get transferred to a member of the sales team, to whom I explain the situation. By now it’s 10:55.)

Staff #2: “Right, I see from your booking form that you could also do after 3:00 pm, is that correct?”

Me: “I said I could do after 3:00 pm if you gave me at least 24 hours notice to rearrange my customers. You sent me an email confirming that my time slot was 8:00 to 11:00 am, so no, I can’t do 3:00 pm any longer.”

Staff #2: *pause* “Oh… Well, the problem is that we don’t actually have your tyres in stock yet, but they should arrive by about 2:00 pm.”

Me: “Why didn’t anyone call to tell me, then?!”

Staff #2: “It says on our notes that someone tried to ring you three times.”

Me: “I’ve been in all morning. My phone has not rung once, and I have no missed calls or voicemails.”

Staff #2: “Umm… Well, I guess we have an incorrect number then.”

Me: “I have the booking confirmation in front of me. Both my home and mobile numbers are listed correctly.”

Staff #2: *stammering now* “What I mean is we must have DIALED the number incorrectly.”

Me: “Three times?”

Staff #2: “Yes. Well. Umm… Is there any way you could do this afternoon? At any time?”

Me: “I can be home at 3:30 pm, but I would have to leave again by 4:00 pm, or I’ll be late to my last customer.”

Staff #2: “Okay. I promise I will have one of our mechanics waiting at your house for 3:30 pm, so they can start as soon as you get there.”

(I get home at 3:30 pm and there is a van outside my house that has the logo for a completely different mobile tyre company on it. I go over to check anyway, and it turns out it is the mechanic there for my booking. When he gets out of the van, he’s wearing a pair of work trousers that have a third mobile tyre company’s name on, and a jumper with a fourth company’s logo on.)

Mechanic: *handing me a bit of paper* “Sign here, and we’re good to go.”

Me: *reading the paper* “I’m not signing this until you’ve finished the job.”

Mechanic: *sighs* “Just sign and I’ll get started.”

Me: “This says that you’ve changed my tyres successfully, that you didn’t damage my car, and that I’m happy with the work you’ve done. I am not signing this until AFTER you’ve changed my tyres!”

(The mechanic grumbled a bit but did start the work. Luckily, after that, things improved. My tyres were changed correctly, and I made it to my last customer on time. When the head office sent me the invoice, they’d also knocked 10% off as an “apology for the error and inconvenience.” I still won’t be using or recommending them again in the future!)

Hard Rules For Soft Cheese

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

(My friend is around eight months pregnant, and we’ve gone to a cafe for lunch together. Note that in the UK, soft cheeses such as Brie are on the list of foods that pregnant women are recommended not to eat, along with raw eggs, undercooked meat, etc. because there is an extremely small risk of listeria. However, there is no law preventing the sale of any of these foods to pregnant women, and it’s a woman’s individual choice whether she eats these foods or not. My friend picks up a Brie and bacon baguette from the fridge, and goes to the counter to pay.)

Cashier: “Okay, so that’s a Brie and bacon…” *spots my friend’s belly* “Oh. Oh, no, I’m sorry.”

Friend: “Sorry? Is there a problem?”

Cashier: “You can’t have this. I can’t sell this to you.”

Friend: “What do you mean?”

Cashier: “You’re pregnant. You’re not allowed to eat this.”

Friend: “Um, I think that’s my choice, don’t you?”

Cashier: “But… you’re pregnant.”

Friend: “Yes, and I’d like to have that sandwich for lunch.”

Cashier: “But this has Brie in it.”

Friend: “I know. That’s why I chose it. I assume the cheeses you use are all pasteurised?”

Cashier: “Well… yes. I think so.”

Friend: “Well, then, the risk of me getting ill after eating that sandwich is negligible. And anyway, it’s my choice whether or not to eat it. Please just let me pay for it.”

(Eventually the cashier scanned the baguette and let my friend pay, but all the time she was muttering about how pregnant women shouldn’t eat Brie and she really shouldn’t be selling it to her.)

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 29

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2017

(I’m picking up some wall paper samples. I’m in my own little world so don’t notice another customer stride up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Excuse me!

Me: “Oh, right. Sorry.”

(I move close to the shelves to let her pass.)

Customer: *sighs heavily* “Where are the paper glues?”

Me: “The what?”

Customer: “The paper glues, for putting up wallpaper!”

Me: “Oh, the wallpaper paste. I think I saw them on the end of the aisle.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Thank you!”

(I shake it off, collect all the samples I want, and prepare to leave. I reach the end of the aisle and see the customer again.)

Customer: *to me* “I can’t see them; where are they?”

Me: “There: the little bags. The ones that say ‘wallpaper paste.’”

Customer:I know that. Which one do I want?”

(I have had about enough; she has been nothing but rude and I have been nothing but patient so far.)

Me: “Look, lady: what does it say on my shirt?”

Customer: “Don’t you speak to me th—”

Me: “What… does… it.. say… on.. my… shirt?”

Customer: “Well, I… it says [Large Engineering Company].”

Me: “So, not [Store]?!”

Customer: *looks at me blankly*

Me: “You are one of the rudest people I have ever met. Why don’t you learn some manners, or better yet, f*** off?!”

Customer: *the colour drains from her face* “That’s it. I’m getting a manager and getting you fired!”

(She storms off, and I stick around to see what happens. A few minutes later she returns with a manager and a smug look on her face.)

Manager: “Er, I’ve had a complaint about one of my workers?”

Me: “Yeah, that would be me, apparently. I told her that I worked for [Engineering Company], but the old battle-axe wouldn’t listen. She has been incredibly rude and condescending this whole time. Frankly, if this is the treatment your staff get, I would give them a raise.”

Customer: *fuming* “Are you going to let him speak to me that way? This little s*** wouldn’t help me at all, and the other guy, the [racial slur], wouldn’t even listen to me.”

Manager: *to her* “I’m too busy to deal with your petty nonsense. If I hear you harassing any of my other customers, I will personally ban you from this store.”

Customer: “But, but… I need my paper-glue!”