I’m searching around for new broadband deals when I spot a deal too good to be true. I call them up to check.

Me: “Hi. I’ve noticed you had a TV and Internet deal for [price], but without the TV it’s more expensive?”

Salesperson: “That’s right. We give you a box on which you can watch on-demand shows, films, and free-to-air channels.”

Me: “And this is cheaper than taking an Internet-only deal?”

Salesperson: “it is!”

Me: “Sign me up.”

I switch over to the company and I throw the TV box in a corner; I have no need for it. A few months later, I get a phone call from the same company.

Salesperson: “Our records show that you haven’t connected your TV box up to the Internet. Are you having problems with it?”

Me: “No, I just don’t want to use it.”

Salesperson: “But you’re paying for it.”

Me: “Actually, it was cheaper to do it that way.”

Salesperson: “Oh, okay, then. Would you like to return the TV box? We can send prepaid return packaging.”

Me: “Do I have to stop my TV package and pay more?”

Salesperson: “Let me check… Yes, you revert to the other package and your new monthly bill would be [amount] more.”

Me: “Then no. I think I will keep it.”

Salesperson: “Oh? Okay. Well, if you’re sure.”

I got a few more calls exactly like that one. The company stopped offering the package after a while. I guess no one wanted to pay more for less.

My company is big on what I call “forced fun.” They will book events on company time so you have to go, or they’ll schedule them on weekends and badger you to attend or dub you “not a team player.”

I can’t stand it, but what I really can’t stand is the people pretending they are having the time of their lives to look good to others.

The worst offender, [Coworker] is the first to volunteer, the first to come up with ideas, and the first to complain when people aren’t doing enough on these ideas of hers. She is like the fun police.

Another one of these events comes up: a guided walk followed by drinks. Thanks to [Coworker], no one is allowed to just go for the drinks after. It’s a double no from me; besides, I want to be home for the kids. I tell [Coworker] it’s a personal matter but she is having none of it. She pushes and pushes and then goes straight to the manager.

Manager: “I understand that you won’t be joining the company outing. Why is that?”

Me: “I have other arrangements, sorry.”

Manager: “I know you have a way to travel, but team bonding is important, and you are part of the team, aren’t you?”

[Coworker] is hanging back, pretending not to listen in.

Me: “Actually, it’s a funeral. I did tell [Coworker] that I had a personal matter, but she wouldn’t listen.”

Manager: “I am so sorry. Yes, of course. I will have a word with [Coworker]; we don’t treat team members this way. I’m sorry for your loss.”

He left, taking [Coworker] with him. The funeral went well. I didn’t tell anyone it was for our pet goldfish, though. [Coworker] didn’t bother me as much but was still a tyrant to others.

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of May 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of May 2021 roundup!

One of the office guys is pretty full of himself. His parents are friends of the top director so he landed himself a do-nothing job. He often gets odd tasks from the director — deliver this, fetch this, take photos of this, etc. — and genuinely believes he is in some sort of special, critical role, “essential for the business.”

The director, however, is not the only one to call the shots. His wasteful ways and favours catch up to him and the owner eventually steps in and sacks him. This leaves Mr. Full-Of-Himself office guy in a difficult position. The owner appoints a new director who is not shy about calling him out.

Director: “So, what do you do?”

Office Guy: “I work on [Project #1], [Project #2], and [Project #3].”

Director: “Yes, but doing what?”

Office Guy: “I designed the website and I managed the customer relations; without me, [Project #1] wouldn’t have gone through.”

Director: “But we employ a company to do our websites and have customer managers to deal with the projects. No, from next week, help the admin team.”

Office Guy: “I’m not doing — ugh — ‘admin.’”

Director: “I don’t see you adding any other value right now.”

[Office Guy] did start work with the admin team, but from what I heard, he refused to do most of the work and spent most of the day drinking coffee. The director had many chats with him, until, one day, [Office Guy] handed in his notice — we think he was pushed — and landed another do-nothing job, this time working with his parents. Online, he is listed as a “director,” which made me laugh as he told us he was answering phones and calling customers.

About three years ago, my partner and I wanted to get our daughter a really nice gift for Christmas, so we saved up to get her a DS Lite and a couple of games. I was on the phone with my sister a little after New Year’s.

Sister: “Hey, can you lend me some money? I don’t have any food and I don’t get paid for a whole week.”

Me: “I can probably lend you a tenner. Just pay me back when you get paid.”

Sister: “Oh. Okay. Any chance you could do a bit more? I literally have nothing.”

Me: “That’s all I can give you, Sis. Sorry.”

At that moment, my daughter asks me to help her with something on her DS and if we can go to the shop to spend the £15 she got as Christmas money.

Sister: “Aww, is that my little niece? Tell her Auntie says hi and I love you.”

Me: *To my daughter* “Auntie says hi and she loves you.” *To my sister* “Yeah, I had to help her with something on her DS and she wants to spend her Christmas money.”

Sister: “Oh. So, you have more than a tenner? You can send me more.”

Me: “What? It’s not my money; it’s [Daughter]’s. So, no.”

Sister: “Come on. I know my little niece would like to help her Auntie.”

Me: “I said no.”

Sister: “Well, you can always get a refund for the DS and give me the money. It’s not really an essential thing, anyway.”

You know those moments in movies where they pull the phone from their ear and just stare at it? I had that moment.

Me: “Why the h*** would I do that?!”

Sister: “Because you’re my big sister and it’s your responsibility as family.”

Me: “So, I should get the money back that [Partner] and I saved for [Daughter]’s Christmas present and give it to you? I don’t think so.”

Sister: “But… you have to.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Sister: “Yes, you do! You need to give me money for food!”

Me: “No, I really don’t. I offered to lend you a tenner and you had the cheek to tell me you should get my daughter’s money. Seriously?! You are so flipping ungrateful.”

Sister: “Oh, my God! Whatever! I’ll just starve!”

She cut off the call.

My husband is working a late shift. I go to the garden gate with him to see him off. A woman and a little girl are walking past in the street.

Little Girl: “MUMMY! THOSE TWO MEN JUST KISSED!”

That woman avoids eye contact with us.

Woman: “Yes, that’s because they’re in love.”

Girl: “Awwww!”