I work in a garden store, and thus, we have shorter hours due to fall/winter, so we close at 6:00 pm. Very often we have customers stay well past, until 7:00 pm. To prevent this, I walk around and tell customers that our registers will automatically close at 6:15 (they don’t). Usually, my area clears out well before then.

But tonight, these ladies really want to test it. I am tidying up one of the tables at the back of the store when these two older ladies walk out from inside, holding three small items.

It is 6:08.

Customer: “Where are your citrus trees?”

Me: “Oh, just letting you folks know, we did close at six, and our registers automatically shut off fifteen after, but we will be open tomorrow morning at eight.”

Customer: *Stares at me* “Okay, where are your citrus trees?”

Me: *Points* “White arches.”

Customer: “Thank you. Come on, Ma. They don’t want us here.”

The two of them walk to our citrus line. I look over at my coworker, who works in that section and is nearby.

Coworker: “I’ll help them.”

People, if an employee tells you they’re closed, they are closed. Whatever you’re buying can probably wait.

It takes me about half an hour to walk to work. One day, about forty minutes before my shift, that day’s shift manager calls me.

Manager: “Hi, [My Name]. Can you get to the store in [Other City] for your shift today? They’re short-staffed.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. I can make it in to [My City’s Location], but I really don’t have the time to go further than that.”

Manager: “We really need you in [Other City] today.”

Me: “I really have no way to get there, though. I need to set off in the next—” *checks the time* “—eight minutes to even get to [My City] on time.”

Manager: “Then why don’t you get the bus?”

I checked later. It’d take me ninety minutes to get to [Other City] by bus, and my shift starts in thirty-eight.

Me: “I don’t have a bus route planned out, it’d take some time to figure out where I’m going, and I doubt I’d be able to get there for [start time].”

I was right. I would have gotten there over an hour late.

Manager: “We need you in [Other City] at [start time].”

Me: “I am quite literally not capable of travelling there in that time period.”

Manager: “Look, [My Name], are you going to be at [Other City] at [start time]?”

Me: “I’ll certainly try, of course, but almost certainly not.”

Manager: “[Store Manager] needs you to be there for [start time].”

He says this as if invoking the store manager’s name will grant me the ability to teleport.

This pisses me off because the store manager is actually a pretty cool guy and I’m sure he didn’t sign off on this BS.

Me: “I still can’t make it there. It will take me several hours to walk there. Do you want me to do that?”

Manager: “We need you to be at [Other City] at [start time], [My Name].”

At this point, I’m walking out the door of my house.

Me: “Okay, [Manager]. I’m leaving my house now. I won’t be there on time, but I’ll get there eventually. Is that good enough?”

Manager: “Can you confirm that you’ll be there at [start time], [My Name]?”

Me: “No. I probably won’t be. Now can I hang up to use Google Maps on my phone to find my way there?”

Manager: “You need to be there at [start time].”

I hung up.

It took almost three hours of walking through a bright, hot day to get most of the way there, and I had to take a break, sit down, and have a drink when I finally arrived, starting the shift hours late.

Also, I was at no point prior to this informed that working at other stores was something I would possibly be required to do in my job role.

I honestly figured [Manager] had promised [Other City Location] a worker, realised he didn’t have one to send and his a** was on the line, and tried to shift the blame to me by getting me to say I’d be there even though I physically couldn’t be, thus dodging culpability himself.

When I was still living at home, my brother and I shared a bathroom. We largely took turns, except in the mornings to get ready for school. Even then, I was only in there long enough to brush my teeth and wash my face before I did everything else in my room.

One morning, my brother decided that he didn’t want to share a bathroom anymore and started loudly demanding that I get out of the bathroom while he was using it. That’s when my mom intervened.

Mom: “[My Name], will you just let your brother have the bathroom to himself?”

Me: “I just need to brush my teeth and wash my face. I’m not even in there for five minutes. He’s being completely unfair.”

Mom: “But he really wants to be in the bathroom alone. Why don’t you do your stuff after he’s done?”

Me: “Because he’s in there for thirty minutes every morning. If I wait until he’s done to get in there, I’ll miss my bus.”

Mom: “Well, you’ll have to get up earlier and do your stuff.”

Me: “No. I shouldn’t have to rearrange my morning routine because he’s having a hissy fit.”

After a few more minutes of arguing, I decided to ignore them both, do my routine, and go to the bus stop.

My mom continued trying to get me to bend over backward to my brother’s demands. She’d say I could have the bathroom first, but the five minutes I was in there was “taking too long”. My stuff was in his way, so I moved them to a basket kept in a corner of the sink. That wasn’t good enough, and I had to keep it all in my room and carry the basket back and forth.

Finally, I got my license, which meant I could drive to school instead of getting up early to make the bus. And… I could get up an hour later and use the bathroom in peace after my mom left for work and my brother took the bus. 

But that was no good, either, because my mom thought I should get up when everyone else did. And it was now my job to make sure my brother got up and to the bus each morning. 

Now my family wonders why I’m in low contact with them.

Me: “Hey, what’s the time?”

Friend: *Pulls out a smartphone* “[Time].”

Me: “Thanks. Hey, you’re wearing a watch, so why do you have to pull out your phone?”

Friend: “Ah, my watch doesn’t work.”

Me: “Then why are you wearing it?”

Friend: “My clients take me more seriously when they see that I am wearing an expensive watch, so I’ve gotten into the habit of wearing one.”

Me: “So, it’s essentially a bracelet.”

Friend: “Essentially. I’ve never used my watch for anything other than jewellery, anyway.”

I just finished editing a thirty-second commercial spot.

Client: “Great, now upload it to the FTP.”

Me: “Sure, it should be there in about an hour.”

Client: “An hour?! It’s a thirty-second spot!”

Me: “I need to render everything, then export the file, then compress the file (from 7GB to 100MB), then upload it. It might take less than an hour, but we should budget an hour to be safe.”

Client: “I thought it would take thirty seconds! It’s only thirty seconds long! I told the customer we’d have the ad ready in five minutes.”

Me: “Why did you tell them that?”

Client: “Because it should only take a minute! I was giving you an extra four!”