(My husband is doing our shared flat’s laundry when he finds a pair of black tights.)

Husband: “Honey, are these yours or your sister’s?”

Me: “They don’t look familiar. Sis, are they yours?”

Sister: “Nope. [Female Roommate], are these yours?”

Sister’s Roommate: “No, definitely not mine.”

Me:“If they don’t belong to any of us girls, how did they get in there?”

(Then my brother, who was in dance school, walked past and grabbed them out of my hands without saying a word.)

(I am a part-time worker at a well-known pizza restaurant while waiting for my national exam results. During my fifth week of work, I am manning the podium at the entrance, where our current promotions are displayed, and where potential customers can browse the menus. At the time, there is this 1-for-1 promotional menu. It is a four-page menu, opened to the second and third pages to show all the foods eligible for the promotion. During the off-peak hours, two well-dressed customers came up to the podium.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]—”

Customer: “I want to know about this 1-for-1 promotion.” *gestures at the display*

Me: “The 1-for-1 promotion is only for dine-in, not takeaway. Pretty much, you choose any two items from this list and get the cheaper item free.”

Customer: “So, if I take away this pizza, I can get another free?”

Me: “Sorry, the 1-for-1 promotion is only for eating here.”

Customer: *raises an eyebrow at me* “NOTHING here says 1-for-1 is only for eating here.”

(At this point, I see her glance at my name-tag, which also has the word “Trainee” above my name. Unimpressed, she folds her arms and gives me a sort of arrogant look. Instead of being unsure and approaching my manager, who is manning the takeaway counter, I flip to the cover page of the menu and point to the fine print.)

Me: “It says here that, ‘Prices are subject to Goods and Service Tax as well as service charge.’ Service charge only applies for those who dine-in.”

([Customer], irritated, then glances to the display for $10 regular pizza takeaway and points to it.)

Customer: “With your 10% discount, how much will that be?”

Me: “You have to spend over $40 to enjoy the discount.”

(At this point, [Customer] gives up before glancing pointedly at her companion, who only shrugs before mouthing one of the pizza flavours. At this point, a small family had come in behind them, so I saw fit to redirect the first two customers to what I assume was their destination.)

Me: “If you would like to take away, you can proceed there and my manager can assist you.”

(Both women proceeded to the counter without a word and left me with two thoughts. One, how difficult can it be to calculate the assumed 10% ‘discount’ of a $10 pizza and deduce the final price of $9? Two, if she knew there even was a 10% discount, shouldn’t she also know of the amount she needs to spend to enjoy it? I ended up resigning a week later due to my school term starting. Never have I regretted that choice!)

My family lives in an apartment, at the unit at the end of the corridor. The lift (elevator), though, is around the corner. My brother and I are close in age, and tend to try to scare each other by hiding around the corner where the lift is.

One day, I successfully scared my brother. He vowed revenge and I tried to be extra careful the next times I went out. A couple days later, my brother and I had to go out together. He went off first while I stayed to lock the gate.

As I was locking the gate, my (elderly) neighbour came out and started towards the lift. I tried to hurry and intercept her, but I didn’t make it in time. I got to the corner in time to see my brother jumping out and screaming “AHHHH!” thinking that that was me. My neighbour, in turn, gave as good as she got, and screamed loudly before whacking at my brother with her cane.

Of course, my brother blamed me for not warning him. I dined on that incident for weeks.

(This first incident happened many years ago, at our first flat. A lady comes knocking on our door.)

Lady: “Hello, my husband has just passed away and I’m raising my young son alone. I’m selling joss sticks and incense papers to make a living. Please buy some from me.”

Mum: “I’m sorry, but I’m a Christian. I don’t use those. Do you have anything else to sell?”

(Long story short, eventually my mum buys something. We move after a few years and have now been living there a few years already. My mum hears a knock on the door, and answers. It is the same lady.)

Lady: “Hello, my husband has just passed away and I’m raising my young son alone. I’m selling joss sticks and incense papers to make a living. Please buy some from me.”

Mum: “What? Your child was young years ago, now he still hasn’t grown up? My own kids are grown and working already.”

Lady: “If you don’t want to buy, just say so!”

(My boss, colleague, and I are at a client’s office for a meeting. While waiting at the reception for the customer to escort us in, another man comes up to say hi. Note: My boss has a terrible memory for names and faces.)

Man: “Hi, [Boss]! Here for meeting, eh?”

Boss: “Hi. Hey, you look familiar. Do I know from somewhere?”

Man: *laughs* “Yes.”

(The man walks away, still laughing.)

Colleague: “Uh, [Boss], that guy is the Head of Department. [Client]’s boss.”

Boss: “Oh, is it? Oops.”

(A few minutes later, our client arrives. We are led to a meeting room. A couple of attendees from the client’s company are also there. One of them is Man.)

Man: *to my boss* “Now do you recognise me?”

(My boss never fails to entertain me with his embarrassing gaffes.)