This Is What Happens When You Sniff Too Much Ammonia

, , , , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(Because of a specific chemistry assessment, several students need to come in after school to do lab work.)

Classmate #1: *pouring solution* “Ugh, the ammonia smells.”

Classmate #2: “Don’t insult the ammonia. The ammonia has feelings, you know.

Classmate #3: “Ammonia was my best friend for a year.”

The Prices Are Not Going Down Under

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2017

(I am a customer in a nail salon in Singapore, along with another lady who’s Asian but not local.)

Lady: “I would like to remove the gel manicure and get a new one done.”

Manicurist: *in simple English because she’s from Vietnam* “To remove gel, $30. Classic mani at $26 and classic pedi at $36.”

Lady: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand you.”

Manicurist: “To remove gel is $30.”

Lady: “Why are you charging me so much? In Sydney, they don’t charge me to remove the gel, and for mani and pedi it’s only $65. I don’t understand; it’s dollar to dollar now. How come you need to charge me to remove the gel?”

Me: “This is how the service is here.”

Lady: “This is ridiculously expensive. I don’t understand. It’s dollar to dollar now. How come they are charging me so much compared to Sydney?”

Me: “Well, you’re not in Thailand or Indonesia, where their services are really cheap. At the same time, you’ll never know the quality rendered to you with that kind of price. Whereas here, their services are excellent and their products are good. I’m really happy with my service and I’ve been with them for many years now.”

Lady: “If I knew it was going to be this expensive, I would have done it in Sydney!”

Is He Still Dead?

, , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

Me: “Hello, may I speak to [Client], please?”

Receptionist: “[Client] is dead.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Receptionist: “[Client] died.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

(I end the call and go to my boss.)

Me: “[Boss], I can’t get [Client]. According to his office, he has passed away.”

Boss: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I asked twice.”

Boss: “Well, call them again to make sure.”

(I had to call again. It was awkward.)

They’re Not A Tight Family

, , , | Related | September 19, 2017

(My husband is doing our shared flat’s laundry when he finds a pair of black tights.)

Husband: “Honey, are these yours or your sister’s?”

Me: “They don’t look familiar. Sis, are they yours?”

Sister: “Nope. [Female Roommate], are these yours?”

Sister’s Roommate: “No, definitely not mine.”

Me:“If they don’t belong to any of us girls, how did they get in there?”

(Then my brother, who was in dance school, walked past and grabbed them out of my hands without saying a word.)

There’s No Benefit You Can Takeaway From This

, , | Right | September 8, 2017

(I am a part-time worker at a well-known pizza restaurant while waiting for my national exam results. During my fifth week of work, I am manning the podium at the entrance, where our current promotions are displayed, and where potential customers can browse the menus. At the time, there is this 1-for-1 promotional menu. It is a four-page menu, opened to the second and third pages to show all the foods eligible for the promotion. During the off-peak hours, two well-dressed customers came up to the podium.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]—”

Customer: “I want to know about this 1-for-1 promotion.” *gestures at the display*

Me: “The 1-for-1 promotion is only for dine-in, not takeaway. Pretty much, you choose any two items from this list and get the cheaper item free.”

Customer: “So, if I take away this pizza, I can get another free?”

Me: “Sorry, the 1-for-1 promotion is only for eating here.”

Customer: *raises an eyebrow at me* “NOTHING here says 1-for-1 is only for eating here.”

(At this point, I see her glance at my name-tag, which also has the word “Trainee” above my name. Unimpressed, she folds her arms and gives me a sort of arrogant look. Instead of being unsure and approaching my manager, who is manning the takeaway counter, I flip to the cover page of the menu and point to the fine print.)

Me: “It says here that, ‘Prices are subject to Goods and Service Tax as well as service charge.’ Service charge only applies for those who dine-in.”

([Customer], irritated, then glances to the display for $10 regular pizza takeaway and points to it.)

Customer: “With your 10% discount, how much will that be?”

Me: “You have to spend over $40 to enjoy the discount.”

(At this point, [Customer] gives up before glancing pointedly at her companion, who only shrugs before mouthing one of the pizza flavours. At this point, a small family had come in behind them, so I saw fit to redirect the first two customers to what I assume was their destination.)

Me: “If you would like to take away, you can proceed there and my manager can assist you.”

(Both women proceeded to the counter without a word and left me with two thoughts. One, how difficult can it be to calculate the assumed 10% ‘discount’ of a $10 pizza and deduce the final price of $9? Two, if she knew there even was a 10% discount, shouldn’t she also know of the amount she needs to spend to enjoy it? I ended up resigning a week later due to my school term starting. Never have I regretted that choice!)

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