(I’ve been receiving spam calls from a beauty centre lately. When I try to get them to stop calling me, this conversation ensues.)

Caller: “Hi, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Who is this?”

Caller: “I’m calling from [Beauty Centre]. You signed up for two free slimming sessions.”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

(I definitely can’t afford it, so I’ve never signed up for any such treatments.)

Caller: *quickly changing tack* “Congratulations! You have won two free slimming sessions!”

Me: “Didn’t you just say I’d signed up for it? And now you say I’ve won it.”

Caller: “Yes, you signed up for it, so you won two free sessions.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t want it; please remove my name from your database.”

Caller: “But you won it.”

Me: “I don’t want it.”

(I’ve heard enough stories about these so-called free giveaways; you need to sign up for a thousand-dollar package to receive the free sessions, and they won’t let you leave until you do.)

Caller: “Then do you want to pass it to a friend?”

Me: “No, thanks. Just remove my name.”

Caller: “You have to pass it to a friend or take it yourself. Otherwise, we will still call you.”

Me: “I don’t want it, and I don’t want to give it to a friend. Just remove my name from your database.”

Caller: “I can’t do that; you have to take it or give it to a friend. Otherwise, we’ll still keep calling you.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want to give me two free sessions. But I don’t want it. So, you want me to give it to a friend, to whom you would have to give two free sessions, as well? But I don’t want to give it to my friend. So, you don’t have to give away free sessions. However, you’re still going to forcibly give me the two free sessions, failing which you’ll continue to call and harass me?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “You want to give away your services for free that badly?”

(We are selling teas, and customers are able to try anything that they want. We also have some flavours readied for customer tasting at the front. We are visited by a lady customer; I end my break and she is browsing when I come out to the shop floor. My colleague has tried to serve her.)

Me: “Did she want any tea?”

Colleague: “Nope. She said she just wants to browse.”

(Some other customers walk in and I notice that she is looking for a particularly long time at one of our teas. I approach her.)

Me: “Do you want to try anything that interests you?”

Customer: “Actually, I’m interested in this one. Do you have a bigger size?”

Me: “Yes. We have it here.” *pointed to the shelf* “Would you like to try that? We have it in front, actually.”

(I proceed to the front, pour the tea for her, and she drinks half of it and puts the cup down.)

Customer: “Hmm… I don’t really like that. It tastes like water.”

(She goes back to the shelf and smells the same tea. I think maybe she doesn’t like the taste, since it will have differences between the smell and the finished brewed tea.)

Me: “May I ask what kind of flavour you like?”

Customer: “I prefer stronger ones.”

Me: “Oh, you can try this Japanese one if you like. It has a stronger taste.”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “I prefer fruity.”

Me: “Oh, I see.” *browsing through green tea section to find fruity ones with strong green tea* “Unfortunately, the other fruity green tea will be either weaker or the same…”

Customer: “You are not helping me. You just try to smell and drink that. You tell me what kind of taste is that!“

(I am stunned, so I’m left there wondering why she is angry.)

Customer: “You are not going to help me standing like that, so smell this and taste the one you just gave me. Okay?!”

(I go and pour the tea from the same pot I gave her and return back to her with the tea. I have no problem with the usual taste.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but the taste is supposed to be like this…”

Customer: “NO. IT’S NOT. YOU TELL ME THAT’S HOW IT TASTES? SMELL IT!”

Me: “Well, there will be a slight difference when you brew and when you smell…”

Customer: “NO, THERE’S NOT!” *proceeds to browse another shelf*

Me: “If you don’t like it, I could brew you another flavour that you might like…”

Customer: “NO. YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME, SO CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!”

(I informed my colleague briefly what happened and that it seems I made her angry. The customer eventually buys an infuser and leaves.)

Colleague: “I don’t even dare to ask her for our membership.”

Me: “Why?” 

Colleague: “I’m afraid that I might offend her again.”

Me: “I think she is triggered because I gave her that tea.”

Colleague: “Because she doesn’t like the taste?”

(We will never know why she seemed to be so angry about the tea.)

(A new colleague has just joined our company. For a 36-year-old, she is really weird and incredibly infantile; she does things like sticking out her tongue at us when she loses an argument, jumping out at the other staff, and once sneaking up on me and tickling me. For lunch, there’s a canteen nearby, and we usually call beforehand to place orders. They will pack it for us but we have to collect it in person. We take turns to collect the food for everyone. It happens to be my turn, and the newbie tags along to help me carry all the packets. [Newbie] almost goes up to grab a random food packet, thinking it’s hers. I tell her it’s still not ready. She sees the cook add some spring onions to the packet in front of her, and panics.)

Newbie: “I don’t want spring onions in mine!” 

Me: “Oh, let me tell the cook.”

Cook: “Sorry, it’s already packed.”

([Newbie] stops dead in the middle of the packed canteen and starts FAKE CRYING at the top of her voice. There’s no actual tears, just a loud, deafening wailing like a baby.)

Newbie: *wailing* “AH-HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH, I don’t want spring onions! I don’t want spring onions!”

(Her hands were on my shoulders and EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the immediate vicinity turned to gape at us. She had an enormous grin on her face, like she thought she was funny. It was clear she was not actually upset by the onions, just doing it for laughs. The cook gave us a weird look and pushed the packet to us to get rid of us quickly. I nearly died of embarrassment as she wailed all the way out of the canteen. A few weeks later, she started a petty fight with our supervisor, because the supervisor called her “Miss” and she deemed it insulting. She threatened to call the police for it, and the manager got tired of her squabbling and fired her for poor attitude.)

Me: “Hi, do you have International Reply Coupons in stock?”

Employee: “We sell IRCs, but this branch has no stock.”

Me: “Can you help me check which branches have stock?”

Employee: “No, I can’t check. Try a different branch.”

(I tried calling customer service to ask. The guy basically told me that IRCs are sold at every branch, but whether or not they have stock depends on the branch, and there’s no way to tell whether the branch has stock besides manually visiting it or calling that specific branch. There are 55 branches. One branch down, 54 to go. Thanks ever so much for the help.)

I worked an admin job in a hospital while waiting to enter university. It was a large, public hospital, so there were always too many patients and too little doctors, as such, follow up appointments were often difficult to book, and they rarely fit the doctor’s recommended follow up period. (We would check to make sure it was okay with the doctor before we booked it, otherwise special arrangements would be made between the patient and doctor)

Note: The department I was working in saw a lot of patients with tumors and/or cancer.

One day, I got a call from the daughter of an elderly patient, she wanted to check when her dad’s follow up appointment was.

Me: Oh, your dad’s appointment has been booked for [date]

Daughter: *Angrily* That’s too long! The doctor said one month, that’s more than one month! I want it earlier!

Me: I’m sorry, we don’t have any earlier slots, I’ve checked with the doctor, and she says the date is fine.

Daughter: *voice getting increasingly louder* THIS IS RIDICULOUS. HOW CAN YOU BOOK A DATE SO FAR OFF (It was only about two weeks off the recommended date, which is about as good as it gets. And the doctor had given us the green light to book that date for the patient) MY FATHER HAS A TUMOR.

Me: I’m sorry to hear that, I understand that you’re worried, but there are no earlier slots. The doctor has also confirmed (AGAIN) that the difference in dates is okay.

Daughter: *Practically screaming now* MY FATHER IS A TUMOR PATIENT THIS IS RIDICULOUS HE SHOULD HAVE PRIORITY

Me: *Starting to lose my patience* Unfortunately ma’am, many of our patients are tumor or cancer patients, and we are unable to give priority to ALL of them.

Daughter: I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR OTHER PATIENTS

(I lost it here, what kind of human being are you? Many of them are in the exact same position as your dad.)

Me: *Curtly* Clearly you don’t, but I do.

She hung up on me after that. I told my supervisor about it in case she tried to make a fuss again. My supervisor simply sighed and said “Tell her that if she wants VIP treatment, she should have paid the extra for a private hospital”