(I am the customer here and the bakery restaurant is a famous company that serves ‘French’ style products in over 50 countries.)

Me: I’ll have one espresso, table 3.

Server: Are you sure you want that? Espresso can taste bitter if you are not used to it.

Me: Yeap I’m fine with it I drink it at home too.

*Server repeats question to double check my choice.

Server: Sorry for asking, but some customers don’t really know how an espresso can taste like, and given that we are not exactly a top notch coffee gourmet cafe… it’s imperative that we ask several times.

Me: I understand. Do you get customers raging when they drink their espressos?

Server: Oh, plenty.

*As if on cue, a customer rushes in with her cup of coffee.

Customer: What is this sh*t? I f***ing paid 4 bucks for this and I got this bitter sh*t? Refund me now!

Server: Mdm, I do remember I had asked you twice whether you are sure you want an espresso, and also explained espressos can taste bitter depending on the beans we get. I also did mention that we have free sugar and creamers for you to add if you find it too bitter. As you have drank it already and do not have the receipt, I am unable to refund you.

Customer: I’ll complain! Just you watch.

*Being a regular, I heard from the server that the customer did indeed complained to head office. To quote – “Espressos are express coffees which should come with sugar and cream and whatnot in it pre-made. What’s so hard about it?”. Head office gave the server a 50 bucks gift card on top of her employee card.

(My department’s extension is number one on our line, and a lot of customers just hit one at random and I have to deal with them.)

Customer #1: “Is this [Customer Service Personnel]?”

Me: “I’m afraid she’s on the line at the moment.”

Customer #1: “Can you get her to take this call? I forgot to tell her something when I called just now.”

Me: “Sorry, she’s on the phone at the moment. Can I get your name and number, and I’ll ask her to call you back?”

Customer #1: “No, you transfer this call to her. I need to tell her what colour item I want. I’ll be going out in a few minutes and she won’t be able to call me back.”

Me: “But she’s on the line.”

Customer #1: “I know, but you get her to take my call!”

Me: *giving up* “Please hold.”

(I put her on hold to let her wait while [Customer Service Personnel] finishes her call.)

Customer #2: “Hi, do you sell curtains?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m afraid we don’t.”

Customer #2: “Well, do you know where I can buy them?”

Me: “You could try [Store]?”

Customer #2: “Are they open at this time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know their operating hours.”

Customer #2: “Well, can you check?”

Me: *noticing that my head is listening in* “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

Customer #2: “Well, you can look it up on the Internet, right?”

Me: “Yes, but…”

Customer #2: “Can you help me check it? You can just search it online, right? And can you help me check what their telephone number is?”

(After several minutes of this, I give up and run a quick Google search. I give her the info.)

Customer #2: “Okay, thank you. And can you give me the number for [Other Store], as well?”

Me: “…”

(I Googled this for her, as well, just to get rid of her.)

(A young mother pushes her baby over in a pram and tells me that her baby took some “warm” water and splashed his face with it the day before. I look at the baby and he seems bubbly and happy. There is barely any sign of redness of his skin and there are no blisters, either.)

Me: “There’s isn’t any redness at all. He seems fine.”

Mother: “There’s a mark here.” *points under his eye*

Me: “Well, it’s not that obvious. You shouldn’t need to do anything about it. It’ll go away on its own.”

Mother: “The water got in his eyes.”

(I look at the baby’s eyes. There is also no redness.)

Me: “He looks fine. He’s not crying, either.”

Mother: “He cried for ten minutes yesterday. Will it leave a scar?”

Me: “No… his skin did not even get damaged. You really don’t have to do anything.”

(The mother looked a bit relieved yet doubtful at the same time but she thanked me anyway. Later she came back and asked if sun protection was needed to prevent scarring. Just to satisfy my curiosity, I asked if she really meant “warm” water or if she meant “hot” water. She told me that it was freshly boiled water with a triumphant expression. Well, either this baby has skin made of steel… or she left the boiled water out longer than she thought and it had cooled down already!)

(I am a housekeeping supervisor at a hotel, and I am manning the phones during the afternoon shift. The phone rings. It is my colleague from the front desk.)

Me: “Thank you for calling housekeeping. This is [My Name]; how may I assist you?”

Colleague: “[My Name]! I have a guest who just complained that his room wasn’t cleaned when he came back! Could you send someone up quickly?”

(I quickly check the records; the morning shift indicated that he had put the “Do Not Disturb” sign up, and left his room for the afternoon shift. I pick up another phone and dial the phone of the room attendant assigned.)

Me: “His room was on ‘Do Not Disturb,’ but it’s okay; I will send someone up now.”

(I get the room attendant and conveyed the message, as my colleague was speaking.)

Colleague: *sounding very shrill* “Why do you still sound so calm?! The man was furious! Shouldn’t you have some sense of urgency?”

Me: “I’m not the one running up to clean the room. But, if it makes you feel better, I can pant and speak in a breathy voice to you?”

Colleague: “…”

Me: “All right, I’ve gotten through to the room attendant. They are on that floor and are moving to said guest’s room now. I’ll update you once they are done. Goodbye.”

(I still don’t understand how moving quickly to get things done should translate to sounding like you’re running a race.)

(I’m an Indonesian-Chinese, and already the fourth or fifth generation in Indonesia. I cannot speak mandarin because I’ve never had the need of it. It was not taught in my schools, plus none of my families speak mandarin. I’m in Singapore and riding a taxi. The taxi driver is Chinese, and talks to me in mandarin.)

Taxi Driver: *speaking mandarin*

Me: “Ah, sorry. I don’t understand.”

Taxi Driver: “Indonesian?”

Me: “Yes.”

Taxi Driver: “I knew it. You Indonesian Chinese are shameful. You forgot where you came from. You must learn to speak Chinese! Otherwise your country will never become like Singapore!”

(He continue to speak about how mandarin is going to be the no one language in the future and how China will take over the world and so on. I just decided to keep silent through the trip, and when I paid the fare I did not give him any tip.)