It’s Getting Messianic Up In Here

| Spartanburg, SC, USA | Related | October 15, 2013

(My four-year-old godson has no religious affiliation, nor do his parents. To my knowledge, he has never set foot in a church in his life.)

Godson: “What’s that shirt say?”

Me: “It says, ‘Jesus is your homeboy.'”

Godson: “Oh.” *thinks about that for a second* “Jesus is my brotha from a holy motha!”

No Ram-ifications

| ID, USA | Right | October 4, 2013

(I work in the back of the thrift store, where everything is sorted and tested. A Hispanic family comes in the front of the store, carrying three very old laptops.)

Customer: “We bought these laptops from here, and would like to exchange them from something else.”

Manager #1: “I’ll take these back to the electronics guys, and make sure they work.”

(He takes them back to the guys, and relays the story. While I don’t work at the electronics testing station, my area is right next to it, so I can see clearly what they are testing. They sometimes call me over because I have a strong technical background.)

Tester: “I don’t ever remember seeing these laptops.”

Me: “Neither do I!”

Manager #1: “Hey, wait a minute. There is no sticker residue! Nor is there rubbing of where they should have been! Also, they didn’t come in with a receipt. Something’s fishy here.”

(While they have me quickly test the laptops, Manager #1 gets Manager #2, who is fluent in Spanish, but Caucasian.)

Manager #1: *in Spanish* “Hello! So, were you trying to exchange the laptops?”

Customer: *flustered* “Did I say ‘exchange?’ I meant ‘donate!'”

Manager #2: “Well, I’m glad we could sort out the miscommunication!”

(Two of the laptops don’t boot up because they don’t even have a hard drive. The one that does boot has a very small amount of RAM. The kicker? Even if, by some fluke, we had sold those laptops, they would have been thoroughly tested, and all three would have been sold as ‘for parts,’ meaning that the customer wouldn’t have been able to afford even one working laptop!)

Bagged Herself A Steal

| MI, USA | Right | August 21, 2013

(I’m a college freshman working in a thrift store. The most expensive item in the shop is $10. I am straightening up a rack when I watch a customer go into a dressing room, then emerge from the dressing room wearing a completely different outfit and make for the door. I stop her.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am! You realize you’re going to have to pay for that, right?”

Customer: “I know that! I’m not an idiot!”

(The customer turns around and walks over to a bookshelf, as if that’s where she’d been headed all along. I go back to the rack, but watch her out of the corner of my eye. She slowly begins making her way towards the door again.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You still need to pay for that.”

Customer: “I did.”

Me: “Ma’am, I watched you. You went to the bookshelf and then tried to leave again.”

Customer: “You were SPYING on me?! I want to talk to your manager!”

(My manager, having heard the commotion, is already on his way over.)

Manager: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes. This little girl was spying on me and accused me of trying to shoplift my own clothes!”

(I began to bristle and protest, but my manager shushes me and points to the customer’s pants. Or rather, to the price tag sticking out of the pocket. The woman looks down at it and then bolts for the door. I start after her, but my manager calls me back.)

Manager: “Ah, let her go. She’s only wearing about $6 worth of merchandise anyway.”

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The Honesty Of The Thievery Pants

| Portland, OR, USA | Right | March 28, 2013

(A man comes in and starts looking through the clothes. He grabs a pair of pants, and starts fast-walking towards the door.)

Coworker: “Sir, are you going to pay for those?”

Man: “No.”

Coworker: “Sir, we really need you to pay for those.”

Man: “NO!”

Me: “Please, sir! We need those back!”

Man: “I need them more!”

(The man bolts out the door. We look at each other for a moment dumbfounded, then burst out laughing.)

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Customer Slur-vice

| Washington, DC, USA | Working | December 3, 2012

(I am working as a cashier in a well-known thrift store. One day, the manager flops into a sofa and starts loudly mocking the customers using racial slurs, even though the store is full of paying customers.)

Coworker: *to my manager* “You’d better watch out. Some customers are right behind you.”

Manager: “Nah, they don’t know English, so they don’t know what I’m saying.”

Customer: “Excuse me? I understood perfectly what you were saying and it was disgusting! Rest assured, I’m going to complain and hopefully get you fired! You are a very bad man!” *storms out*

Manager: “Why? What did I do?!”

(One by one, the other customers leave, giving dirty looks to him. I throw down my apron and leave for good too. He got fired soon after that, I’ve heard.)

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