Zero Points For Creativity

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(I work at a thrift store. If you use your card to make a purchase, our registers let you sign the pad using a stylus. When you press “OK,” it briefly pops up a digital copy of your signature on our screen. Two boys in their late teens purchase some sports equipment. One scribbles on the pad, and then elbows his buddy and points to the screen in a not-so-subtle fashion, snickering all the while. His buddy cracks a huge grin, as well. I already know exactly what he’s done, so when a scribbled part of male anatomy pops up in lieu of his signature, I’m prepared. Keeping my face cheerfully Retail-Friendly, I print the kid a copy of his receipt and hand it to him, which contains a copy of his “art.”)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us! Here’s your d**k-on-a-slip!”

(The kid’s eyes went huge for a second, and then both of them fled with their items and receipt. Maybe they didn’t expect the seemingly-innocent female cashier to give as good as she got? Or maybe they figured I would never actually see it? Who knows. And no, I didn’t get in trouble for it. My manager laughed hysterically, and I got a high-five from another female cashier, who said she would do her best to remember it if another customer tried that with her.)

Couldn’t Catch The Price Match

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(While cleaning up the front of the store, I come across a customer who asks me questions about a dollhouse on the floor. This particular dollhouse is one of the old-style, handmade ones and, as such, carries a pretty hefty price, even for a thrift store.)

Customer: “It’s a very nice dollhouse, and I really want to buy it. But I just don’t know. Maybe I can try [Other Thrift Store] to see if they have one cheaper.”

Me: “Well, that’s certainly an option. Though, I should warn you, [Other Thrift Store] is much smaller than ours, and there’s very little chance that it carries any of the same stock we do. Different people make different donations.”

Customer: “Well, if they have a dollhouse like it, do you have a price-match guarantee?”

Me: *raises eyebrow*

Customer: “Oh… Oh, my. I just realized how stupid that sounds. I’m used to shopping at [Big Electronic Chain Store].”

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure that store doesn’t carry this dollhouse, either.”

Customer: “I must have sounded like one of those extreme coupon people.”

Me: “It was an honest mistake, ma’am. Would you like me to get a box for the dollhouse?”

Customer: “Oh, no, thank you. I don’t think I’ll buy it. I’m just really embarrassed about that price-match thing.”

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

I’m Not Volunteering Any Felony Information

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(My friend and I are students at a Catholic high school that requires you to do at least 20 hours of community service in order to be able to pass or graduate. We’re both female, but I’m a junior while she’s a sophomore. We are currently volunteering at a donation-run thrift store.)

Customer: “Excuse me, dear. I was looking at these paintings, and this one doesn’t have a price tag. Could you tell me how much this one is supposed to cost?”

Friend: “I’m sorry, but I’m only a volunteer, so I don’t really know. However, I can go and bring an employee who will know, if you’d like.”

Customer: “It’s all right; I don’t really need this, anyway. So, you’re doing community service? How many hours do you have left to do?

Friend: “Well, all of my hours are done after my shift, and my shift ends at six. So, about three hours left to go.”

Customer: “That’s good. So, what did you do in order to have to do community service?”

Friend: “Huh? This is the community service project that all of the students at my high school have to do. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Customer: *laughs* “Oh, honey, there’s no need to lie to me! I know that all of you teenagers who do community service do it because the courts force you to. Let me guess. You were recklessly driving?”

Friend: “Ma’am, I told you this is a community service project for my high school. I have not committed any crimes. I just want to pass my sophomore year.”

Customer: *sighs* “I don’t know why you are bothering to lie to me. Behavior like that will only make you into more of a convict than you already are. Such a shame.”

Friend: “…”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to check out now. Try to keep yourself out of more trouble, dear.”

(The customer goes to check out. Meanwhile, my friend walks up to me after I’m finished helping my customer.)

Friend: “I’m pretty sure a customer just called me a convict.”

What A Sweet Gesture

, , , , , | Hopeless | November 23, 2017

(I am working a long shift at the thrift store, and have not eaten for a while. A customer approaches me with a plastic bag with some white thing inside.)

Customer: “Hi! Who is the manager now?”

Me: “Well, that would be [Manager].”

Customer: “Oh. Well, is she out on the floor?”

Me: “No, ma’am. She’s in the back. Would you like me to call her up for you?”

Customer: “No, no, that’s fine. How many people are working today?”

Me: “Three.”

Customer: “Only three?! Well, I guess you each get a box.”

(She pulled three boxes of delicious-looking caramel rolls out of her bag and walked out, after I thanked her profusely. Not all customers are horrible!)

Thrifty With Love

, , , , , , , | Romantic | November 19, 2017

(My older sister and I have finished shopping at a thrift store and are waiting in line to check out. There are lots of families in the store, and soon there is an announcement over the store’s PA system.)

Store PA: “For safety reasons, children cannot be left unattended in the store. Please make sure your children are with you at all times.”

(While we wait, I’ve decided to look at the jewelry displays on the other side of the register counters. I am gone for maybe a minute, but out of the corner of my eye I notice my sister is already talking to someone, which isn’t that unusual, given how outgoing she is. She’s in her mid-20s and is talking with a man who looks to be in his 40s. When I return, I do not expect to hear the following.)

Random Man: “It’s important to keep up with the trends to look presentable. I have thousand-dollar suits, but this was too good a deal to pass up. I mean, eight dollars?” *holds up old-looking, yellow-ish and tan blazer* “One time, it was raining and I didn’t want to ruin my fancy shoes, so I wore grungy shoes—”

Sister: “And you brought the other pair to change into?”

Random Man: “No. But wearing those shoes turned out to be a mistake.”

(I’ve been silent, trying to figure out why she’s talking to him about work clothes. She suddenly turns to me.)

Sister: *in a louder, more excited voice* “I’m thinking about going back and buying that Super Truck video game.”

Me: *groaning* “Please, no. That game looked so stupid.”

Sister: *continues pointedly talking to only me* “Nah, it looked fun!”

(I get the feeling she’s trying to avoid talking to the man again, and we continue to chatter about video games until we reach the register. We pay quickly and dash out the door before he can follow us.)

Me: *Incredulous* “Was that man in a thrift store trying to hit on you by saying he has thousand-dollar suits?!”

Sister: “Yeah! I don’t know how I get all these random guys hitting on me! He was definitely way older than me and not that attractive. He just started talking about how he was going to get [the blazer] tailored.”

Me: *joking* “I should have known better. They clearly said not to leave your children unattended in the store, for safety reasons.”

Sister: *also joking* “Yeah, this is all your fault.”

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