Quid Stultus

, , , , , | Learning | July 10, 2021

I’m new to this school. I’m Latina. I’m talking to a girl when she says this gem.

Girl: “Say something in Latin!”

Me: “Er… what?”

Girl: “You know, Latin! Your language!”

Me: “Um, I don’t know any Latin.”

Girl: “But you’re Latina!”

Girl’s Friend: “[Girl], she speaks Spanish, not Latin. Latin was the language of ancient Rome.”

The girl just looked confused.

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No Longer At Your Service

, , , , , , | Working | June 24, 2021

I have a service dog that I bring everywhere with me. My parents own a Mexican restaurant, but I’m almost never in it because my mother is crazy. One day, I have to go in to talk to my father, and a new employee stops me at the door.

Employee: “No dogs allowed!”

Me: “He’s a service dog, you have to—”

Employee: “Leave!”

Me: “Dad!”

My dad comes out.

Me: “Can you please explain to her the laws about service dogs?”

Dad: “[Employee]?”

Employee: “I have already told several people that there are no dogs allowed!”

Dad: “[Employee], I’m surprised at you. Wait. How many people did you send away?”

It turns out that there is some kind of conference about medical laws going on in Albuquerque, and she has sent away at least a dozen service dog owners. 

Dad: “I can’t believe this! You’ll ruin our reputation, and you tried to send away my son! You’re fired!”

The waitress burst into tears and tried to backtrack, but Dad was having none of it. He told two other employees to make sure she packed up and left, which she did, all the while begging for her job back.

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Idle Children Are The Devil’s Playthings

, , , , , , | Right | May 13, 2021

I am in a store, shopping for my weekly groceries, when I feel a sharp hit on the back of my leg. I turn around, and a kid is kicking and hitting me repeatedly. I look over for a parent. Everyone here is now looking at the kid except for one couple; they’re arguing over whether a certain yogurt is organic or not.

Me: “Can you please stop hitting and kicking me?”

Kid: “No! I do what I want ’cause Mommy says I’m an angel!”

Other Woman: “More like a little devil.”

Eventually, the parents stopped arguing and moved to another aisle, and the boy followed them. Later on, I told an employee what happened. She sighed and told me she knew exactly who I meant. The boy had attacked other customers before, but nothing was ever done because no employee could catch him in the act. 

I really hope those parents wake up from Fantasyland soon.

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Turning The Stupid Up To Eleven, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 20, 2021

Customer: “I want a number eleven.”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but we don’t have a number eleven; we only have six combos. Could you tell me what meal you’re trying to order?”

Customer: *Scoffs* “It’s a number eleven!”

Me: *Gesturing up at our menu board* “There is no number eleven on our menu, sorry.”

Customer: “Ugh! [Rival Company] understands what I want when I say number eleven. Why don’t you?!”

I pause after that bit of stupid concussed me.

Me: “Ma’am, [Rival Company] is a different restaurant with an entirely different menu.”

Customer: “Ugh! Forget it!” *Storms out*

Turning The Stupid Up To Eleven

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The Writing’s On The Wall… Er… Desk

, , , , , | Learning | March 22, 2021

I’m a parent volunteer at my kids’ school library. I’ve done this for years and am trusted by the teachers. One day, the third-grade teacher across the hall asks me to watch her kids so she can use the bathroom. She tells me that they are taking a test and need to be absolutely silent.

Less than a minute later, one kid starts to act up. I sternly say his name and tell him to stop it. His eyes widen.

Student: “How do you know my name?”

Me: “I’m a Mom; I know everything.”

The whole class was looking at me with the most hilarious scared expressions on their faces as the teacher breezed back in. Every kid had their name in their handwriting taped to the top of their desks.

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