Drink Responsibly, Work Less So

, , , , | Working | February 19, 2020

Years ago, I worked in the liquor department of a national chain and the assistant manager called me on my day off to see if I could work.

“Nope,” I said gleefully. “I’m on my third beer; you know the law.” He grumbled, but he understood.

The next day, I was talking to one of the non-liquor clerks and told her about it. Her face lit up and she said, “That’s great! I’m using that the next time they call me!”

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Speeding Through The Signs

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2020

(A fellow airman and I are currently working at a gate visitor control center where we issue passes to get on base. We see a lady come in with a look of superiority.)

Me: “Good morning. How are you today?”

Customer: “Hi. I just have a quick question.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “How long has that sign been there.” *points to a speed sign and a caution sign on the way out of the base*

Me: “The speed sign?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Well, at least since March of 2007 when I arrived here.”

Customer: “No, it hasn’t! That sign is recent! I want to know when you put it up!”

Coworker: “Did you get a speeding ticket?”

Customer: “Yes, I did, and I know you guys just put it up so you could trap people!”

Coworker: “Well, ma’am, I can tell you that it has been there for years, but if you want to fight your ticket you can follow the instructions on the back of your citation. There is nothing we can do here.”

Customer: “Fine! But I’m telling everyone that you guys are trapping innocent motorists!” *starts to walk out*

Coworker & Me: “Okay, Have a good day.”

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They Will Never Be A Bean Counter

, , , | Right | February 7, 2020

Customer: “How much are your beans?”

Me: “Twenty cents a pound.”

Customer: “Well, which ones are on sale, five pounds for a dollar?”

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Crying At The Checkout Is Understandable

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(This happens during a cold winter. I’m working the speedy checkout. The store is not too busy so it’s mostly just one customer at a time. My current customer is a mom with two very young children: one still a baby and the other no older than three. My job before this was at a community center watching over kids where, just like teachers, we can get in HUGE trouble for touching kids even if they initiate it and just want a hug, so I’m always extra careful around kids at any job just out of habit.)

Me: “All right, that’ll be [total] today.”

Customer: *frantically checking in her purse* “Oh, shoot! I left my wallet in the car.”

(She looks desperately at children and then towards exit, and I can see she’s thinking about how much of a hassle it will be to bundle up both the kids to go outside just to get her wallet to come back here and pay.)

Customer: “Can I leave them here with you for just one second?”

Me: *understanding but taken aback* “Uh, yeah, I guess—”

Customer: *runs off to quickly grab her wallet*

Me: “—if you trust a complete stranger to do that.”

Baby: *starts crying IMMEDIATELY after the mom is out of sight as her brother sits in the back staring at her*

Me: *hovers around the baby trying to get her to calm down* “Don’t worry, your mom will be right back. It’s going to be okay. I know, it’s really scary that she left, but she won’t be long.”

(My coworker at the other speedy check is looking back on me due to the loud wailing.)

Coworker: “Where’s their mother?!”

Me: *seeing security eyeing me, shouting to be heard* “She went to get her wallet! She should be back soon!”

Coworker: “I hope she does come back!”

Me: *suddenly panicked at not even having considered this*

(Fortunately, the mom did come back a minute later and her poor baby immediately calmed down, and I did not get any customers in my line during the time. Probably turned away due to the crying baby!)

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As Bad As Retail Is…  

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2020

(I’m still a rather new cashier and trying to balance an efficient checkout with the required social niceties and store greeting cause me to run on autopilot while checking out customers. Sometimes I do not fully process what customers are telling me when it’s just small-talk and I’m also naturally a little oblivious sometimes, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing. This is speedy checkout, but the customer and I have still managed to fit in a conversation. As I am already one of the fastest cashiers, I get lots of comments on this from customers.)

Me: “[Company required greeting].”

Customer: “D***, working hard for that money, huh?”

Me: “I try! It’s too bad money doesn’t just appear in my account.”

Customer: “Well, I’d be willing to give you some money for… doing some things for me.”

Me: “Ha, well, if they were easy jobs, that might not be a bad deal.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t think they’d be too bad, if I do say so myself.”

Me: “So, that’s [total]. Thanks for shopping with us and you have a good day!”

Customer: *pays and as he’s walking away* “Anyway, you just think about my offer!”

Me: *internally, finally processing and still smiling but shuddering* “Why the f*** did he just solicit me for sex like that was acceptable small-talk?!”

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