My Dad Is All That

, , , , , | Working | November 6, 2018

(I am about four years old. My father is an auto mechanic and woodworker and owns many tools. We walk around this particular hardware store every Sunday. We are currently in the tool section.)

Me: “You have that, and that, and that, and that, and that…”

Employee: *to my father* “Would be nice if you really did have all of that, wouldn’t it?”

Dad: “I do.”

(The employee walked away red-faced, with an awed expression.)

Going To Be A Long Grande Day

, , , | Right | October 28, 2018

(It’s 5:30 am on a regular weekday, and the first customer to come through my drive-thru is in a beat-up, old, red truck. He orders black coffee — a grande — and that’s it. Or so I thought.)

Me: “Good morning and welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you today?!”

(I’m in a good mood despite the hour.)

Customer: “Black coffee.”

Me: “Okay, a black regular coffee. What size can I get for you?”

Customer: “Medium.”

Me: “Okay, that’s a grande black coffee. Just making sure, would you like any sweetener?”

Customer: “No, thanks!”

Me: “Great! The total is $2.15 Please pull forward to the window!”

(It’s an easy order. I quickly prepare it myself, as is customary for running a register in a drive-thru at this hour. I should note that prior to opening the drive-thru, it’s customary to put out POS items like ground coffee and mugs that have velcro or tape on the bottom that adheres to the shelf on the driver’s side of the window. We also place a tip box out there. The customer pulls up and sits outside the window.)

Me: *opens window* “Good morning! I have your coffee ready. The total is $2.15 Thanks!”

Customer: “Why do they put all this f****** garbage out here on the window? Where the f*** is my coffee?”

Me: “Um… We put that out there in case anyone is interested in whole-bean coffee or mugs.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care. Give me my f****** coffee, f***er!”

Me: “I told you I have your coffee ready, sir. Cash or card?”

Customer: “Just give me my f****** coffee!”

Me: “You need to pay first.”

Customer: “Fine, f***er!”

(I take his five-dollar bill and hand him the change and his coffee.)

Customer: “F*** this place!”

(It’s only 5:35 am at this point.)

Me: “What just happened?”

Not Very Closed Minded: Friday Edition

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2018

(I am hired by a chain that is opening a new location. The AC hasn’t been hooked up yet, so we have the door propped open. The doorway is completely blocked by an easel and sign saying, “COMING SOON,” and listing the date we will open the new store. While we are unpacking boxes, we hear a scrape of metal on concrete. Sure enough, somebody is dragging the sign out of the doorway, and trying to come in.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we are not open to customers. You will have to come back Friday.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s okay. I don’t want to buy anything; I just want to look around.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are not open yet. We are still building racks and unpacking boxes. You will have to come back Friday, when we open.”

Customer: “It’s okay; I have a store credit card. I just want to look around, before all the good stuff is gone.”

Me: “Ma’am, our other location at [Intersection] is open today, and they carry the same product. If you want to shop here, you will have to come back Friday when we open.”

(By this time, she has worked her way inside the store.)

Customer: “Oh! There’s no merchandise! There aren’t even any racks put together! When will you have merchandise?”

Me: “We will have everything ready for our grand opening on Friday.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll just have to come back on Friday!”

You Are Expressly Forbidden To Express Yourself

, , , , | Working | October 13, 2018

(I am working on the express lane, which is fifteen items or less. A lady comes up with a ton of items. I politely tell her that this is the express lane of fifteen items or less. She just stares at me. I am not allowed to “make” anyone leave my line, so I start ringing up her items quickly as I have a line behind her. Her items quickly start to pile up on my smaller-than-average register, which is built for express orders only. The baggers and managers are all standing around, but won’t come help since I am on express and expected to bag my own. Finally, I finish with the lady and bag her groceries; she has a total of thirty-nine items according to the receipt.)

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Lady: “You are so rude!” *stomps off*

(The next day I get called into the office because I had a customer complaint. GUESS WHO FROM? The boss hands me the email she sent in. According to the lady, I scanned her items too fast and she couldn’t see all the prices on the computer, and I seemed angry that I didn’t have someone help me bag her items, and because of this she is never shopping there again. She says that I should have been smiling at all times, and that I needed to check slower so that she could see what I was charging her, since I was probably trying to charge her more.)

Manager: “Why were you so rude to this lady?”

Me: “I wasn’t. I checked her out fast, since she wouldn’t get out of the express line after I told her to, and I didn’t have a bagger, since you made a rule they can’t help on express, even though it wasn’t an express order. And the other manager wouldn’t help, either, even though items were piling up all over the place.”

Manager: “Oh! Well, next time call a bagger, and if they refuse call a manager. We shouldn’t have people with more than fifteen items in express, anyway.”

Me: “So, can I tell them to go to another line?”

Manager:No, that’s rude. We need to have good customer service.”


This Is A Bad Omen

, , , , , | Related | October 5, 2018

(When I am about ten years old my father’s mentor is visiting from across the country, and Dad stresses that he really respects the guy and would like us on our best behavior. When he is picking him up from the airport we get all cleaned and dressed and such in our Sunday best.)

Brother & Me: *standing at attention as they walk in* “Welcome home, Father.”

(There is a pause until he puts the pieces together.)

Dad: “I asked for best behavior, not horror movie.”

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