Needs To Deli-cately Tell Them To Leave

, , , , , | Right | September 9, 2018

(It’s time to close the deli. As usual, the last minute customer rushes in in a panic.)

Customer: “You aren’t closed yet are you?”

Me: “No problem, I can still help you. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Ummmmmm, let’s see…”

(Two minutes tick by as the customer sucks at her teeth and disregards suggestions with silence as though I am not there.)

Customer: “How much is this brand of roast beef compared to that brand?”

(I tell her. She doesn’t like it. So I wait…)

Customer: “How many nitrates does this one have?”

(I show her the back of the meat package.)

Customer: *pouts* “This doesn’t tell me anything.”

(And I am supposed to know?)

Customer: “How long until it expires?”

(I told her. She then ordered three very thin slices of bologna and left, ignoring my thanks. How wasteful and irritating it was to open a whole package of meat, at closing time, for someone who practically came to the counter to enjoy treating someone else like crap.)

Not The Brightest Spark

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2018

(I work at a fairly popular oil change service center where we do much more than just oil changes. This conversation happens more often than it should.)

Me: “And your manufacturer recommends having your spark plugs replaced every 105,000 miles.”

Customer: “I don’t think my car has spark plugs.”

(I stare at the customer to see if she’s kidding:)

Me: “Do you put gas in your car?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “Then it has spark plugs.”

Unfiltered Story #119372

, , | Unfiltered | September 4, 2018

(We could be frying, making sandwiches or salads, or slicing meat for a current customer, etc. But at least two times a day we get a customer that asks the insultingly brilliant question, “Do you work back here?”

My response, “No ma’am/sir, this is just where we hang out.”

Playing A Game Of Jesus Tag

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 12, 2018

(I go to boarding school. I am visiting my roommate and her family for two weeks. I know that her parents are Christians, while I’m not myself. I haven’t told them that I’m not religious, as I’ve seen them be rude to others who aren’t religious, but other than that they are really nice. One day my roommate lets it slip that I’m an atheist. It does not go well.)

Friend’s Mom: “What? You’re not Christian? How can you not be?”

(I’m not quite sure what to say. I only know two people back home who are religious; one is a Christian and one is a Muslim.)

Me: “Well… I just don’t believe in a god or whatever.”

Friend’s Mom: “Have you not seen all the wonders in the world? How can you not believe in God?”

Me: “Uh… Well… I don’t believe in it because I’ve never really seen any wonders, I guess?”

(I just wanted this to be over with… I was not asking for her to defend her belief, so I didn’t see why I should have to defend mine. After a while we agreed to disagree, and she said she’d respect me, and my beliefs, if I respected hers. I thought that was it. A couple of weeks later, I was back home and suddenly got a Facebook notification. My friend’s mom had tagged me in something. I logged in and there was a picture saying how everyone is God’s children, and how everyone is really a Christian, even if they don’t know it. I decided not to react, as I didn’t want to start anything. A couple of days later I was tagged, yet again, in something. When I logged in there was a video — ten minutes long! — explaining why Christianity was the only true belief in the world. I got annoyed, and sent her a private message asking her to please stop tagging me. A day later, I was tagged yet again in one of those videos. At the same time, I was talking with my roommate, and I mentioned it to her. She said she’d talk to them. However, a couple of hours later I was tagged yet again! Seeing as how she had told me she would respect my beliefs, I was annoyed. I responded to her, in the Facebook post, that we had talked about this and if she didn’t respect my beliefs, then I wouldn’t respect hers. I also asked her, in the comment, to please stop tagging me. She did stop, but we have never again spoken. My roommate said she couldn’t believe her mom’s behavior. The funny thing is, my roommate is an atheist herself, but doesn’t dare to tell her mother that after seeing how her mom treated me.)

Unfiltered Story #116503

, , | Unfiltered | July 18, 2018

(I work in a retail store where a survey prints out after every receipt and often customers confuse this for the actual receipt when doing returns. My store also has a huge shoplifting problem so we have a strict policy on returns. No receipt means you can either do an exchange, or wait for a gift certificate to be mailed to you)

Elderly gentleman: “Hi, I’d like to return this.” *hands me a sweatshirt*

Me: “Alright y! Do you have the receipt?”

Him: “Yes, right here.” *Hands me a survey*

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir, this is actually for a survey and not the real receipt.”

Him: “Well,  that’s all I got!”

Me: “Oh, well, did you happen to use a card for this purchase? We can look it up that way, too.”

Him: “It was a gift! I don’t know how they bought it!”

Me: “Well, unfortunately,  in that case I can only give you what the current selling price of it is, and you can either exchange it for something of the same value, or I can have store credit mailed to you.”

Him: “Well, how much is it?”

Me: “Let me check… looks like $7.99”

Him: “Just give me the store credit and I’ll go buy something today.”

Me: “Well,  if you want to switch it out for something else, then go hang on to this, and when you make up your mind bring your items back up, and I can swap it out for you.”

Him: “I’m not going to take it with me! Why can’t you just give me store credit?!”

Me: “I can, it’s just going to have to be mailed to you. If you want to buy something today, you’ll have to find the items you want first.”

Him: “I’M JUST GOING TO THROW IT AWAY, THEN!” *Storms out of store*

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