I am working in a call center in a bank.
Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I just need you to let [Banker] know I’ll be in today after five to sign some documents.”
Me: “Sure! Just so you know, we close at six this evening.”
Customer: *Rudely* “Don’t interrupt me.”
Me: “I apologize. How else may I help you?”
Customer: “What time do you close today?”
I’m a college student who’s been accepted to a Russian study-abroad program. The next major step for me is to get a visa, which requires one unusual step: a negative HIV test. Russia has a major HIV issue, and one way they try to manage the spread is by restricting visas to people who test negative for it. So, I call my campus clinic to set up a free HIV screening test.
Receptionist: “Hello, this is [Campus Clinic]. How may I help you?”
Me: “Hello! I need to set up an appointment for an HIV test, please.”
Receptionist: “Oh, an STD panel? Sure, I can set you up for that.”
Me: “Sorry, no, just an HIV test.”
Receptionist: “Um…” *Sounding confused* “Okay, are you sure? You don’t want any other tests?”
Me: “Yes, just the HIV test, please.”
Receptionist: “All right…”
She sets me up for an appointment, sounding a little miffed throughout the rest of the exchange. I go in for my appointment the next day.
Doctor: “Good afternoon! So you’re here for an HIV test?”
Me: “Yes, that’s right. I do get a little dizzy sometimes when my blood gets drawn, though, just a heads-up.”
Doctor: “Ah, is that why you only wanted the one test? Because, you know, it’s a good idea to get a full STD panel.”
Me: “Hmm? Oh, no, I don’t need a full STD panel. I only need the HIV one.”
Doctor: “There are a lot of other diseases you’re at risk for when you’re sexually active. The responsible thing to do, if you’re worried you may have been exposed to something, is to get tested for everything.”
Me: “Oh, I’m not worried. I’m a virgin. I just want to go to Russia.”
Doctor: “What?”
I explained everything to the doctor and we had a bit of a laugh. And I got my visa!
I work in a store that just announced that we were going out of business, but we don’t actually start liquidating until a few months later. This leads to many customer exchanges about the fact that there aren’t any big sales or coupons during months in between. This one has to be one of my favorites.
Me: “Your total is $45.00.”
Customer: “Oh, wait! I had a coupon somewhere.”
She begins searching through her wallet, only to hand me a coupon for 50% off that expired roughly six months ago.
Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but this coupon expired a while ago, and unfortunately, I can’t honor this.”
Customer: “Oh, just take off the coupon. You are going out of business; it’s not like it matters, anyway.”
Me: “I apologize, but a significant discount like this one would be flagged in our system and I could get into major trouble, even still. Unfortunately, I can’t honor this. Would you like to look through your phone to see if you received anything through email or text?”
Customer: “No, you will take this one. If you won’t honor this, then I would like to speak to your manager. I’m sure they will honor it as an apology for this terrible customer service.”
Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager and I will not be honoring this coupon. If you would like to call our customer service later about this, I can provide you with the 800-number. Now, if you have no further coupons, your total will be $45.00.”
She silently finishes the transaction. I put her receipt in the bag with the customer service number on it.
Me: “You have a great day, ma’am!”
Customer: “I just don’t see how it matters what coupons I use, because you are closing!”
Related:
The Couponator 20: Complaining Back In Time
The Couponator 19: Fast Food & Furious
The Couponator 18: The Digital Revolution
The Couponator 17: Attack Of The “Programmer”
The Couponator 16: Enter The Entree
A father and teenage daughter enter the shop. The father walks to the restroom while the daughter grabs drinks. The girl comes up to pay and we go through the motions. As I’m handing her the receipt, the father comes up to the register.
Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”
Daughter: “You, too!”
Father: “How dare you call her that?! She is a miss, not a ma’am!”
Me: *Shocked* “Y-yes, sir… Have a nice day, miss.”
The father smirked and left. She apologized, gave me a tip, and then ran out the door. I feel more sorry for her, honestly.
I am driving while listening to a local radio station. This is shortly after a Florida pastor made the news when he announced plans to burn copies of the Quran. The DJs are interviewing an elderly woman who is threatening to do the same unless her demands are met.
Caller: “I have it all ready. I bought two copies from the Internet and I will set fire to them on my grill unless I get what I want.”
DJ: “Well, [Caller], what exactly is it that you want?”
Caller: “Let me tell you a story. When I was a young girl, I attended the 1939 World’s Fair and I saw a television broadcast of a woman dancing, and I thought ‘someday that’s going to be me’.”
DJ: “So, you want to be on television?”
Caller: “That’s right. I want to be put on television, and I want to be interviewed by Larry King before he retires.”
DJ: “And if that doesn’t happen, you’re going to burn two copies of the Quran?”
Caller: “That’s right.”
DJ: *Audibly flabbergasted* “[Caller], I gotta say, that is the most detestable thing I have ever heard.”
Caller: *Crying* “I am not a young woman anymore! I’m afraid if I don’t do something now, I won’t have time to do it later!”
DJ: *Sighs* “Okay, how about this? [Co-Host] does a telethon every year to raise funds for the animal shelter. How would you like to be a part of that?”
Caller: *Sounding disgusted* “Oh, what, am I going to have to hold some one-eyed puppy, too?!”
DJ: “Okay, we’re done here.” *Hangs up*
