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Analyze This

, , , | Right | March 21, 2023

I’m on the phone with a client.

Me: “Are you busy right now?”

Client: “Sort of. I’m just checking the traffic in and out of our business.”

Me: “Oh, good. We’ve been having a good couple of weeks, haven’t we? What kind of figures are you seeing?”

Client: “No one so far.”

Me: “That’s impossible. I checked Google Analytics the other day.”

Client: “Yeah, I’m just using Street View.”

Me: “Street View?”

Client: “On Google Maps. Just checking to see who’s coming and going.”

Me: “That’s an image, not a live video.”

Client: “Phew!”

Don’t Make Things Harder For Yourself, Part 2

, , , , , , | Working | March 20, 2023

I’m the author of this story. Since then, I’m happy to say my coworker has (if a bit begrudgingly) accepted the work-smarter-not-harder mindset, and our new employee that was hired since that story is also getting past new-hire slowness. Granted, we’re in an overall slower period of the year, but it’s better to get issues ironed out now than when we’re getting slammed.

One day, there is a meeting between the Orders team — that’s us — and the Shipping team after the monthly managers’ meeting. This is a bit odd because normally each team breaks off and has its own individual catch-up meeting, and this one’s in the big training room with the big monitors for presentations. My group’s manager is the one heading up the meeting; she’s also been the driving force behind all the recent updates and changes to the website.

Manager: “All right, guys, I’ve got good news for a change.”

Us: *Random happy noises*

Manager: “Starting Monday, the web portal folks are going live with the address checker, so when orders are coming in, we will no longer be double-checking the addresses with Google Maps or anything else like that.”

Head Shipper: “That’s going to cause problems; plenty of things come through as the ‘right address’ that still aren’t right.”

Manager: “We’re still going to be checking for things like having the Attention in the right place, suite number on line two, obviously wrong information like ‘Main Street’ with no number — things like that. I’m saying that from now on we’re not checking for things like a city coming in as a little town but [Shipping Company] says it’s a different town or minor typos; if the zip code is correct and the street address is valid, we take it.”

Shipper: “I get that, but the customers still enter things certain ways.”

My manager takes a moment to pull up the “test site” and show the way it looks; the only new addition is the “Confirm Address” button over the “Complete Order” button.

Manager: “Take a look here. Each line that’s required has a big red ‘REQUIRED’ on it, they have to click ‘Confirm Address’ to end it, and if they refuse to use a provided corrected address, they have to select this box that states they affirm this is correct and that they are responsible for any address correction or reshipping fees it incurs.”

The two guys from shipping get up and come close, looking over the screen.

Shipper: “That looks good to me.”

Head Shipper: “Yeah, that’s perfect. My apologies; I take back what I said. People have to be complete idiots not to be able to fill that in correctly.”

Manager: “Well, I’m not in the business of calling our customers idiots, but we had to go through all this because of all the issues we’ve been having with shipments after already putting the previous notes on the page they had to confirm.”

Head Shipper: “Fair enough. No more complaints from me!”

With that, my manager turns to the coworker from my previous story with a little grin.

Manager: “You hear that, [Coworker]? YOU DON’T. HAVE. TO CHECK!”

Fortunately, the coworker shared a good laugh with us, and she got a laugh back at the manager later. She’s learning.

Related:
Don’t Make Things Harder For Yourself

They Have The Drive To Learn, But No Actual Drive

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2023

This story is from the late 1990s. Internet Service Providers (ISPs) were just becoming popular. In addition to your national ISP, there were regional and local ISPs. They all sent out a disk to load the software onto your computer so you could dial in using a modem.

I had just started to work for a regional ISP as tier one — the first point of contact — tech support. When anyone called in, they got me — or one of the other 100 people employed at my level.

One day, I got a call.

Caller: “I have your disc and a modem. How do I get online?”

Me: “Put the disk into the CD drive and follow the instructions on the screen.”

Caller: “What’s a CD drive?”

After several minutes of this and explaining how to find the CD drive, I slowly came to the realization that the customer didn’t actually have a computer. This is not what surprised me. What did surprise me is that he had a modem and knew he needed it to get online.

Me: “How did you get the modem?”

Caller: “I went into the local computer store, I told them I’d gotten this disk in the mail and I wanted to get online, and I asked what I needed. And the sales associate there said I needed a modem, so he sold me a modem.”

Me: “Did they ask what type of computer you have?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a computer?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Well, to use our CD, you have to have a computer with a CD drive so it can read the CD, and the computer will then use the modem and our software from the CD to dial into our server to get you onto the Internet. Do you still have all the packaging for the modem?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Pack it back up go to the store to return it, leave, and then go to one of their competitors and tell them you need a computer that can get you online.”

I further explained that he’d need a computer, desktop or tower, and a monitor and that a good computer would have an internal modem, so he wouldn’t need to buy an external modem and it’d come with a keyboard and mouse. The customer was annoyed that he couldn’t get online at that moment but was appreciative that I took the time to explain what he needed.

It’s been long enough that I don’t remember for sure if he ended up calling back to get set up, but I do know that a few days later when I went in and checked, he did have an account set up, associated with the number he had called in on.

The Union Rep Ain’t Playing Games, Either

, , , , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2023

I guard a building for the US government.

We have a little tiny breakroom in which we take two fifteen-minute breaks and one thirty-minute break per day. There are government-owned computers in the breakroom. They are capable of browsing the Internet, including YouTube.

One day, during my break, I’m watching a Let’s Play on YouTube of a very new, next-gen, graphically intense video game. It was only released about a month ago.

My manager notices me watching the game during the break, and decides that I must, somehow, be playing the game. It’s not just against the rules to install video games on government computers; it’s literally illegal.

So, he fires me with no warning and no opportunity to explain myself. Fortunately, I have a union. My union representative first pries the reason for my firing out of my manager, which takes more work than it’s supposed to. Then, he hears my side of the story. Then, he requests my reinstatement. Reason: the game isn’t installed on the computer and there’s no proof I was playing it.

This is when the tomfoolery begins. First, after IT confirms that the game isn’t on the computer, my manager argues that I must have installed the game on the computer and uninstalled it when I knew I was caught.

We respond that there’s been no increase in network traffic needed to install a game like that. The manager argues that we installed it by CD drive or USB.

We offer to take the computer in question and prove that the game won’t even install on it, let alone run on it, but my manager won’t provide access to the computer in question, so instead, we subpoena IT for the computer’s stats and build a replica of it. We then clearly prove that the game’s install program will refuse to install it on the computer and that the computer can’t even run the game.

This, finally, is proof enough that I wasn’t playing video games on the work computer. I am reinstated, with back pay, and the government is forced to foot the bill of the union’s lawyer, the union building the replica computer to prove that the game couldn’t install on it, and the cost to license a copy of the game so that they could attempt to install it to prove it wouldn’t work.

After all this, my union rep gifted me the license to the copy of the game that the union bought! So that was nice.

Nothing Is More Exhausting Than The Basics

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2023

I work in a computer store. I help a client select a wireless router to use in her home. The next day, she comes in, irate, to complain to my manager that she didn’t receive the correct product.

The customer quickly points me out and, after some yelling and huffing, we begin to address the variety of issues that could have caused the router to not work. After making no headway with all of the advanced networking questions, I decide to start over with the basics.

Me: “Do you currently have a service with an Internet provider?”

Client: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Have you signed up with Clear, Comcast, or AT&T to get Internet in your home?”

Client: “You have to buy the Internet?!”