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She Must Still Have A Phonograph At Home

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2020

I am working a shift in electronics and am helping a woman and her son find a portable CD player. Since they’re not very popular anymore due to MP3 players and smartphones, we only carry two models, both of which are fairly basic. Frankly, they’re probably lucky we still carry any at all given how rarely we sell them. I’m showing the players to them.

Customer:
“Do either of them have an FM radio?”

Me:
“I am sorry, but neither of them do. We only carry these two basic models now since most people use smartphones or MP3 players for music.”

Customer:
“You know, this is very discriminatory against people who don’t have computers. You need to have a bigger selection of CD players for people who don’t have computers.”

Me:
“Uh…”

I am caught off guard by this and can only smile and nod. The customer then asks her son if he wants one of them, and he says yes, so she puts one in her cart.

Me:
“Well, if you need any other help today, just let me know.”

Customer:
“It’s still very discriminatory, you know.”

I smiled and nodded again and walked away, weeping for the future of humanity.

Getting Past The Fox Firewall Of Ignorance

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2020

Me: “What Internet browser are you using?”

Caller: “Windows 7.”

Me: “What do you use to navigate the Internet with?”

Caller: “Oh! Time Warner Cable!”

Me: “No, no… What do you click on? What application do you use when you want to surf the web?”

Caller: “Google.”

Me: “Google Chrome?”

Caller: “No, just Google.”

Me: “You mean www-dot-google-dot-com?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “No… that’s a search provider, still not your browser.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, I’m very computer illiterate.”

Me: “Do any of these sound familiar; Windows Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome, Apple Safari, Op—”

Caller: “Yes! That one!”

Me: “Which one?”

Caller: “Fox Fire!”

Me: “Close enough…” *starts troubleshooting*

Just For Her… No Charge

, , , | Right | February 17, 2020

(I work at a large retail chain in Belgium; the company is a big player in the European market. While working there I am responsible for attending customer needs in the Television, Audio, GPS, etc. department. Wireless home audio speakers are just becoming a thing; one particular brand is pretty aggressive in their marketing and thus our store is decked out in their branding everywhere. A female customer, her husband, and their kids approach me. She enquires about our assortment of audio speakers; I take her through the entire lineup from low-end to medium-range.)

Customer: “These tiny speakers—” *Bluetooth portable speakers* “—aren’t powerful enough. We need something with some oomph.”

Me: “Naturally, we’ve got a wide assortment of more powerful speakers, as well.”

(I continue to show her the entire lineup, all the while explaining the differences between each one.)

Customer: “But all of these have wires; we don’t like wires. It’s such a fuss every time and they look ugly in our home. We have a clean, modernistic home, so everything needs to be clean.”

Me: “Okay, wonderful. We do have some higher-end speakers over here that are wireless. No need to connect it to a stereo or use any cables to play your music.”

(I take her over to the special booth that the brand has set up displaying the four different speakers they have. I continue to give them information and flip out my iPod to give them a quick demonstration of their audio quality. The husband and kids are impressed; they’re staggered at the level of quality.)

Customer: “Well, I guess it does sound nice. I do prefer the sound on that one over there.”

(She points at a different brand speaker that does not offer wireless audio.)

Me: “Ah, yes, that’s a really good speaker. But unfortunately, it does not offer wireless connectivity. You will still need to use a cable as I mentioned before.”

Customer: “No, no, no! We don’t want cables! Aren’t you listening?! We have a modernistic house! No cables!

Me: “Why, yes, ma’am, I completely understand. You don’t want cables, which is why I’m showing you these speakers. They’re a new brand and they offer really good audio quality for a fair price. As you can see, the design is very modernistic, as well; I’m sure they would fit right in at your home.”

(She starts eyeballing them and I notice they need some time to talk it over amongst themselves.)

Me: “I’ll let you to it; take your time and talk it over. If you have any further questions, I’ll be around here.” 

(I go over to some other customers who are looking at smaller, portable Bluetooth speakers. After I finish helping them pick a speaker, the woman comes storming at me.)

Customer: “Sir! Sir! Sir!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am? Were you able to make a decision?”

Customer: “No, I have another question. Can you come take a look at this?”

(We walk back to the speaker stand and she picks up the speaker — nearly tearing it out of its safety shell — to show me the back.)

Customer: “Do you see this?! It’s unbelievable! I keep asking you for a wireless speaker and you show me this thing that does not suit my needs!”

(It leaves me perplexed; she isn’t the friendliest of customers but now I see that she is really raging at me.)

Me: “Ma’am…” 

Customer: “DO YOU SEE THIS?! CLEARLY THAT’S A CABLE! I TOLD YOU, I DON’T WANT ANY CABLES!”

Me: “My apologies ma’am, but that’s the power cable.”

Customer: “SO?! Why would the power need a cable?!”

Me: “Are you aware that sending electricity wirelessly through the air would be extremely dangerous?”

Customer: “Huh?! Why would that be?! A WIRELESS SPEAKER SHOULD HAVE NO WIRES!”

Me: “But the speaker does need a cable to receive its power, ma’am. Even with a big battery, a cable will be needed to charge the battery.”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT! I JUST WANT A SPEAKER WITH NO CABLES!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that kind of technology does not exist. The very nature of electricity being sent through the airwaves is technically impossible to do in a safe manner. It’s like a thunderbolt being shot from the sky.”

(She turned around and ushered her family to walk away with her. I stood there completely staggered but turned around and continued my work elsewhere. Sometime later, I spotted her at the register purchasing the speaker.)

The Chaos Chorus

, , , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2020

(I’m a volunteer at a museum. The volunteers and staff carry radios so we can coordinate. We have different channels for different groups so, for example, the tour guides can coordinate tours without bothering the rest of the staff. Our radios are also always simultaneously tuned to a second channel called “general,” which is only used for announcements. The museum is closed for today while we change exhibits. Notably, a site safety staff member is also testing out the PA loudspeakers.)

Site Safety: *on general* “Heads up, loud noise coming.”

Site Safety: *on PA* “THIS IS AN AUDIO TEST OF THE— GOOD LORD, THAT’S LOUD. HOW DO I LOWER THE VOLUME?”

Site Safety: *on general* “Sorry, folks… That’s a bit louder than expected. We’re gonna look into that.”

(A few minutes pass:)

Unknown #1: *on general* “Szz fn mph… fllf.”

Supervisor: “Ah, darn it, someone’s leaning on their transmit.”

(Someone’s accidentally transmitting on general without realizing it, usually caused by leaning up against a wall and hitting the PTT button.)

Supervisor: “Hot mic on general.”

Unknown #1: “Fzz whll… mm.”

Supervisor: “Hot mic on general!”

Unknown #1: “Hll?”

Unknown #2: “Hot! Mic! On! General!”

Unknown #1: “Snzzz whrr…”

Unknown #3: “HOT MIC ON G**D*** GENERAL.”

Supervisor: “Hey, keep it professional on the radios!”

Unknown #1: “Shvvv br.”

(Pretty soon, a chorus of voices pop up, all calling in, “Hot mic on general.” Then, suddenly:)

Site Safety: *on PA* “HOT MIC ON GEN– OH, S***, WRONG BUTTON, THAT’S THE PA. SORRY, FOLKS.”

(Long pause:)

Unknown #3: “Uh… hot mic on g**d*** PA.”

Drop A Letter, Drop The Service

, , , , , | Working | February 12, 2020

(This story takes place in the dark ages of dial-up before the modern ISPs take hold. My family has service via a local company.)

Tech: “Hello, thank you for calling [ISP]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, our dial-up isn’t able to connect to anything. It’s been out for about a week now.”

Tech: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me walk you through a few things to fix that.”

(What follows is about an hour of fiddling with the dial-up settings. In between these sessions, I have to hang up, test the dial-up, and then call the technician again to tell them it still isn’t working.)

Tech: “I honestly don’t know what to say; we’ve gone over everything. Why don’t you give me your password, and I can try it on my end and see if it’s a problem with the account, instead?”

Me: “All right, it’s [nine-letter foreign word]. Let me spell it out.”

Tech: *after I’m done* “Oh, I see what your problem is!”

Me: “You do?!”

Tech: “Yep, your password is too long!”

Me: “What? But… we’ve been using that password since we got your service.”

Tech: “Yeah, but we recently updated our system so we can only accept eight-letter passwords. Just drop the last letter off your password and you’re back online!”

(And she was right. I thanked her sincerely since she’d been very helpful and patient throughout this nonsensical adventure. About a year later, the ISP shut down. They informed their customers of this with an email which was sent out AFTER they’d shut down the service.)