(I work in the jewelry department of a well-known retailer.)

Me: “Hello! Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re looking for cheap watches to take with us on a cruise. Our phones won’t work on the cruise.”

Me: “Oh! You may not be able to call out but you’ll be able to still use it for the time and alarms.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Umm, no. The phone will not work at all. It won’t be able to even turn on while on the cruise. It’ll be outside its coverage area. They told me that.”

Me: “Well. Okay.”

(This occurred when I first started my job and had little experience on the floor. My store’s assistant manager is among the most accommodating individuals on the retail side of the company, and is on the computer next to mine. A customer walks into the store, visibly upset.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *with a scowl* “I have a billing issue I need resolved. I was told my bill would be $108 and it’s at $111! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “I apologize about that, ma’am.”

(I pull up her account and flag my assistant manager down, since I don’t know how to adjust pricing yet at this point in time.)

Me: “My manager will be taking over, since he has more expertise on this sort of issue. We’ll get this resolved for you!”

(My assistant manager greets the customer and does his magic, lowering her monthly rate to $103.)

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for that miscommunication when you first signed up for services. I know how frustrating that is. We have you with a few better discounts on here to adjust the bill down to $103.”

Customer: *indignantly* “I was told it would be $108! I NEED IT AT $108!”

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, we have you here on a better deal than that; we are at $103, where you will be saving $5 a month compared to what you were initially quoted.”

Customer: “You guys are a bunch of liars! Get it to $108 or I’ll find a different cable provider!”

Assistant Manager: “Absolutely.” *he shoots me a confused look* “Ma’am, it’ll be $108 as promised initially.”

(At this point, the customer nods and silently blazes out the door. To this day, over a year later, my assistant manager and I still laugh about the one lady that really wanted to drop an additional $5 per month for no reason!)

I own a hobby shop that sells plastic model kits, etc. One day a male customer came in and purchased a model of the Hindenburg (1930’s zeppelin).

The next day he returned and asked for his money back. I asked why? He stated when he opened the box it looked nothing like the box art!

I had to explain to him it was a model and that you made it!

Me: “All right, so, your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Even with the 40%?”

Me: “Um, well, the only thing that you got on sale today was this shirt and it was an additional 50% off the clearance price. We don’t have any shirts in the store today for 40% off.”

Customer: “And the other shirts?”

Me: “Those are full price today.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Um… because they’re not on sale.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “They… they just aren’t. They’re selling at the full price. I don’t—”

Customer: “Never mind, I don’t want any of it.”

I work in a coffee shop in a very student-heavy town. We are known globally for the standard of our students. The coffee shop is attached to a bar, so when the cafe closes, the bar opens, and we often clear the bar area in the mornings.

I get assigned a new coworker who is a student at the local university. On his first day, he has his safety talk and induction. On the second day, I have to remind him that taking a tray out of the 200-degree oven with your bare hands is not a good idea, as it will hurt. This lesson has to be repeated every day until it is decided he isn’t safe near the oven.

On the next week, he and I are on opening duties, so we have to clear the bar area. I take all the dregs and put them in a jug; as I am clearing I put the jug on the side. This brain box decides to try and drink the dregs, is promptly sick, and is sent home.

After this and similar instances of brainlessness, he is let go from the company. Can’t say I miss the walking disaster.