(One of our male students is basically a nice guy, but has a bit of an ego problem, especially when it comes to girls. One afternoon this male student leaves class and goes out onto the quad. He notices an attractive young lady that he has not seen before. He starts talking to her, doing his best to turn on the charm. A few minutes later, a female student enters the quad and observes the male student for a moment.)

Female Student: “Hey, [Male Student], can I talk to you for a moment?”

Male Student: *approaches [Female Student], visibly irritated* “What do you want? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Female Student: “Oh, I was just wondering why you were trying to pick up my mom.”

(I think [Male Student] got teased about that for the rest of the academic year.)

(In first grade, we are partnered with fifth graders. The library’s books are divided by grades, but it’s generally a guideline. Most of the entire class of 20+ races to the first grade shelves, so it’s too crowded.)

Partner: “Okay, just wait, then.”

(I go to the other side of the room, to the fifth grade shelves.)

Partner: “Looking around?”

(I grab a book and push it into my partner’s hands.)

Me: “Can you read this one?”

Partner: “I can, but I have to read to you, and you have to read it, too.”

Me: “Yeah, this one.”

Partner: “This book is too hard.”

(I open the book and start reading, and read two pages out loud. It’s worth noting that I’m the smallest in my class, and he is pretty big. He stares at me.)

Partner: “Ahh! Scary!”

(My partner runs off to find his teacher.)

Partner: “Scary! How can she read this? She’s so tiny! I can’t be with her! She’s so scary!”

(The teacher switched our partners because he was so scared of me and avoided me every time. My new partner was very nice, and we stayed partners for many weeks, reading that one chapter book. Usually, partners were switched every week, but the teachers made an exception.)

(It is the 1990s. I am ten years old, and my family has recently moved because of my mother’s job. At my old school, many of the teachers were strict and never forgot to collect the assignments that were due that day. Naturally, I assume this is the norm of all teachers in general, so I am surprised that my new teacher regularly forgets to collect the previous night’s homework. Not wanting to be penalized for turning homework in late, I go up to her at the end of class and ask where I should turn it in, only for her to “remember” and have the class turn everything in. This goes on for a few weeks before some of my classmates come up to me at my desk prior to the start of school.)

Classmate #1: “You need to stop running to [Teacher] and reminding her about the homework. Because of you, [Teacher] called our parents and we all got in trouble. I now have to miss my favorite shows just to do the stupid assignments.”

Classmate #2: “My parents took my video games away for two whole weeks.”

Me: “So, why don’t you just do the homework like you’re supposed to?”

Classmate #3: “Ew, you actually like doing homework?”

Me: “Not really. I would much rather watch TV or play video games, but if I don’t do my homework, I get bad grades and get in trouble.”

Classmate #1: “I know you’re new, so you probably didn’t know, but [Teacher] is very forgetful. She forgets all the time that she gave us homework, and gives us open-book quizzes, instead. Since you came, we haven’t had a single open-book quiz, because you keep reminding her about the homework.”

Me: “And you want me to stop?”

All Three Classmates: “Yes.”

Me: “Sorry, but no. It’s not fair to me; I study and do the work. I should be rewarded for doing the homework, not helping you stay out of trouble because you want to goof off. You do the homework, you study for the tests, and you get good grades; that’s how school is supposed to work.”

(It took a while before I made any friends after that.)

(I start a college course a year later than people usually do, as I left my previous school and spent six months working in Germany. That, combined with the fact that my birthday is in October, means I am 18 when this happens, and most of the other students in my class are 16 or 17. This happens after we do some peer-marked work and I’ve passed my classmate’s work back to her. I’ve marked her work, and while the information is good, her spelling is terrible, and I’ve corrected the spelling mistakes. I’ve had a lot of problems with this student in the past, so I don’t have a lot of patience for her.)

Classmate: *looks at all the corrections in her work, then looks at me in disgust* “Uh, what is this?”

Me: “Well, you made some mistakes with your spelling, so I corrected those as I went along. Your work itself is really good, though!”

Classmate: “You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you?”

Me: “No? Why would I think that?”

Classmate: “Because you’re older and you worked in Germany! You think you’re smarter than me! You think you’re the smartest person in the room!”

Me: “Darlin’, even if you were alone in this room, you still wouldn’t be the smartest person here.”

(I’m in PE with my two friends and this exchange occurs:)

Friend #1: “I’m a walking corpse.”

Friend #2: *singing in a cheerful voice* “Badabap.”

Me: “Hey, we’re supposed to be running corpses!”

Friend #2: “Oopsie-daisy. At least [Coach] isn’t watching us right now…”