(It’s very busy at our restaurant due to a one-day deal. I’ve been either the only one or one of two people on till, and we are just finishing up with the post dinner rush.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering what goes on the create-your-own pizza?”

Me: “You get to choose your own toppings.”

Customer: “No, I know, but what goes on it?”

Me: “Well, it has sauce and cheese, and then you get to pick what else you want on it.”

Customer: “Okay. But what—”

Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, never mind; I don’t want the pizza.”

Customer: “No, you do. We’ll get one with chicken, bacon, and olives.”

(They later demanded a refund because they wanted pasta, not a pizza.)

(I go to college out of state, but come home to Houston every year for holidays and summers. My boyfriend attends college where I do, but lives elsewhere. A male friend I have known since high school contacts me on messenger to ask about my holiday plans one year.)

Friend: “So, you’re going to be home again for Thanksgiving?”

Me: “Yeah, I thought about going to see my boyfriend’s family this year, but we decided that we should just each go home separately. I might go visit him for New Year’s, though.”

Friend: “We should get together when you’re back! We can have a big outing like we used to with everyone!”

Me: “That sounds like fun! If you plan it, I’ll find a way to make it.”

(A few weeks pass, and Thanksgiving break is imminent. He messages me again.)

Friend: “Hey! Are we still on for getting together when you’re back?”

Me: “Sure thing! Is that Saturday okay with everyone? Did you want to do an e-vite so everyone knows? I can set something up and start a group chat.”

Friend: “I’ll take care of it. Are you bringing your car back? Do you need a ride?”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure [Another Friend of ours] can pick me up, since I live so close to him.”

Friend: “No, no! I insist on picking you up! Does [Local Restaurant] sound okay?”

Me: “Sure. I think that should be within everybody’s budgets.”

(I came home for Thanksgiving and the get-together had been solidified. Or so I thought. My friend texted me to say he was coming to pick me up. Upon arriving at the restaurant, I discovered that he lied and didn’t invite anyone else; it was just the two of us. I insisted on paying for my meal, despite his repeated attempts to cover it, and the entire evening was extremely awkward with little conversation. When he drove me home, he even tried to lean over to kiss me as I was getting out of the car. I chewed him out over messenger when I finally got over my shock and disgust, and he acted like I was some cheating girlfriend who had led him on for months. When I mentioned the whole scenario to a mutual friend of ours, he laughed and said that this was the third time that guy had pulled this series of tricks on a girl in our social circles. And every time, he tried to blame it on her “leading him on.”)

(My partner and I don’t normally go to chain restaurants, but for Christmas we receive a gift card to a well-known Italian style restaurant. I’m struggling to find something I can eat with my dietary restrictions. I see something that looks good, but it’s being offered as a “pairing” with sirloin, which I can’t eat.)

Me: “Excuse me; I’m just curious if you possibly offer the lobster ravioli by itself, or with something besides sirloin. I can’t eat red meat.”

Server: “Um, I don’t think… we can’t offer it except in the pairing.”

Me: “Okay, could I substitute something else for the sirloin?”

Server: “Um, I guess… you could get shrimp added for an up-charge.”

Me: “And it would substitute the sirloin?”

Server: “No, you’d get sirloin, shrimp, and the lobster ravioli!”

Me: “I can’t eat sirloin, though. So, it’s not possible to substitute?”

Server: “I, um… I could add the shrimp and you could just not eat the sirloin.”

Me: “So I’d pay more, but have the kitchen waste the sirloin…?”

Server: “…I guess.”

Me: “No thanks, I’ll just get the shrimp scampi.”

(If you don’t do substitutions, just say so!)

(In my college town, I run into a friend I haven’t seen since middle school, over 15 years ago. We quickly agree to meet for dinner to catch up.)

Me: “So, we’ve been living in this same small town for the last four years, and we’ve never run into each other!”

Friend: “That’s crazy; I know!”

Me: “I do feel kind of bad about it; I’m moving to [West Coast City] in two months.”

Friend: “You’re not going to do that now, are you?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Friend: “All of my friends are my wife’s friends. I don’t really have any guy friends.”

Me: “Well, that sucks, and I’d be happy to hang out more between now and my move, but this is a big deal and I’m going to move.”

(He abruptly changes the subject. Later that same evening we are at a bar and I meet his wife.)

Wife: “So, you’re moving to [West Coast City]?! When?”

Me: “In August.”

Wife: “That’s so exciting! I’m really excited for you!”

(My friend grabs her attention quickly and whispers something I can’t hear. She gets visibly annoyed and I can make out what she’s saying.)

Wife: *to him* “I’m not going to demand he change his life plans because you guys just reconnected!”

(The three of us didn’t find an opportunity to hang out again before I left.)

(One day during lunch I’m serving a group of about a dozen, and as I’m taking everyone’s drink orders, it becomes clear from the conversations that this is a business lunch. As I’m making my lap around the table getting each person’s food order, this happens:)

Woman #1: “I’ll have a small specialty pizza, please.”

(I see a couple of people moving around, changing seats, so I decide to ask to keep myself organized before it gets to be confusing.)

Me: “Oh, will this be all separate checks or one bill?”

Man #1: “Oh, it’ll all be on one. I’ve got it this time.”

Woman #2: “Oh, you don’t have to do that!”

Man #2: “Yeah, we can all get our own! That’s too nice.”

Man #1: “Don’t worry about it, everyone. It’s nothing.”

Me: “All right, sounds good to me.” *as I’m about to move on, [Woman #1] pulls me back to her*

Woman #1: “Actually, if that’s the case, can you make mine a large pizza, instead? I’ll just take some extra home later. Also, an order of wings… for the table.”

(I was secretly very glad she wasn’t in charge of paying the bill or the tip, since she seemed pretty cheap. I just can’t believe she changed her order so blatantly in front of everyone.)