Doesn’t Understand The Modern Layout Of Society

| Working | April 12, 2016

(My manager is well-known for being passive-aggressive and for giving people he isn’t pleased with unpleasant assignments in place of actually talking to them about the issue. I’m well-known around the office for being devoutly religious in a very conservative sect.)

Coworker #1: “You must’ve ticked [Manager] off.”

Me: “Oh? Why?”

Coworker #1: “He’s assigned you to work with [Coworker #2] on book layouts. [Coworker #2] is hideously anal on those layouts. Not to mention, well, you know…”

Me: “Gay. Yes, I’d noticed.”

Coworker #1: *laughs* “Yeah. Good luck.”

(Fast forward six weeks: Coworker #2 and I are hitting it off and banging out the layouts in record time. Cue my manager glaring at me.)

Manager: “You seem to be doing well.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, we are. It’s wonderful to finally work with someone who appreciates the amount of effort that goes into making these books look right. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who can take instruction and criticism without getting his panties in a wad?”

Manager: “And there hasn’t been any problems, with, uh… his religious beliefs?”

Coworker #2: *raises eyebrow* “Should there be?”

Manager: “Uh, no…” *wanders off*

Me: “Think we should explain to him that my brother’s gay?”

Coworker #2: “Nah, let the jerk stew.”

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The Boss Is Out Of Order

| Working | January 21, 2016

(I process and input the orders that come in for our product. It has been very busy the past few weeks, since we recently came out with a new version of our book, and have been slammed with orders. I finally manage to finish all the orders that were in my in basket.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], look at this!”

(I show her my empty in basket. She puts in an order that just came in via fax.)

Me: “Aaawww…”

Coworker: “You just like bursting his bubble, don’t you?”

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Doesn’t Have The Complete Picture

| Right | November 16, 2015

(I’m an editor for a design-related publication, and received this phone call:)

Caller: “I have photos. Where do I send them to?”

Me: “What is this regarding?”

Caller: “I have photos of our new facility.”

Me: “So you’re looking to submit an article for consideration?”

Caller: “I don’t have an article, just the photos.”

Me: “Well, in order for you to pitch an article, you would need to send us the information about the facility.”

Caller: “Don’t you write the article?”

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Periodic Bathroom Breaks

, , , , , | Working | July 21, 2015

(I am the only female shift lead in the art department of a coupon magazine. My supervisor comes to me with a request:)

Supervisor: “Can you go ask [Female Coworker] why she is making a lot of trips to the restroom?”

Me: “No.”

(I guessed at the reason why, but I wasn’t going to say it.)

Supervisor: “You have to; you are the lead. I need to make sure she’s not on drugs.”

(I just stare at him. Not wanting to get into an argument with him about the legality of the question and his reasons, I go find my coworker. I explained to her what he asked. Luckily she has a pretty good sense of humor.)

Me: “So, you want me to be obnoxious in my answer?”

Coworker: “Go for it.”

(At my desk, from across the room from my supervisor’s desk, I yell out:)

Me: “Hey, [Supervisor]! [Female Coworker] is on the rag, hence the numerous restroom trips!”

(He never asked me to do that again…)

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Winging It Before You Can Fly

| Working | February 25, 2015

(I have to train a new hire that will do pretty much the same job I am doing. This is a typical conversation with her.)

Me: *going to her desk first thing in the morning, after spending the previous day showing her different forms she needs to complete* “Okay, let’s go over that form so we can send it through the system.”

New Hire: “Oh, I already did it and sent it.

(I presume she followed the notes she took the day before to complete it and ask to see the finished form.)

Me: “Um, this is completely wrong and you already sent this through the system?! If you had questions, why didn’t you ask me? And why did you send it without my checking it first?”

New Hire: “Oh, well you were gone for the day, and I wanted to get it off of my desk, so I just winged it and sent it through.”

Me: *face-palm*

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