Nic U Too

| GA, USA | Right | January 20, 2017

(The customer is proofing a write-up I put together for her.)

Customer: “Change the ‘an’ to ‘a’ before ‘NICU nurse.’”

Me: “’An’ is technically correct in this context; use of a/an is determined by the vowel sound at the beginning of a word/abbreviation/acronym, not necessarily the letter itself. Since ‘NICU’ is traditionally pronounced ‘en-eye-see-you’ we would use ‘an.’ However, if we wrote out the whole thing, it would be ‘a neonatal intensive care unit.’”

Customer: “I pronounce it ‘nic-u’ so change it to ‘a.’”

Me: “…seriously?”

Searching In The Search Engine

| USA | Right | January 3, 2017

(I get a phone call from an author trying to submit his manuscript through our online system. The link for our submissions is kind of small and easy to miss, and elderly authors especially have difficulty with it, so I’m used to these kinds of calls.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you entered [Company].com, correct?”

Caller: “Hang on.” *I hear him typing very slowly* “W… W… W… Dot… [Company]… Dot… C… O… M… Enter. Okay.”

Me: “Great! Now if you’ll scroll to the very bottom of the page.”

Caller: “Hang on.” *I hear him scrolling* “Okay.”

Me: “You should see a link that says ‘Guidelines for Authors.’ Do you see it?”

Caller: “No…”

Me: “Oh. Um… Do you see where it says ‘Store Locator’ in bigger letters? It’s right beneath that. I know it’s kind of small.”

Caller: “There’s no ‘Guidelines for Authors’ there.”

(I’m really confused why it’s not displaying on his page, so I spend a good fifteen minutes trying to walk him through it again, checking with IT to see if there have been problems, and repeatedly testing the site on my end.)

Me: “Okay, I can’t figure out why your page doesn’t show it. What DO you see?”

Caller: “It says ‘Help,’ ‘Send Feedback,’ ‘Privacy,’ and ‘Terms.’”

Me: “Huh? What is there right above that?”

Caller: “A blue ‘G,’ a red ‘O,’ a bunch of yellow ‘O’s…”

(That’s when I realized that he’d just entered our site address into the Google search bar and not actually clicked on the link. It didn’t even occur to me that I’d need to be THAT specific with my directions!)

Doesn’t Understand The Modern Layout Of Society

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | April 12, 2016

(My manager is well-known for being passive-aggressive and for giving people he isn’t pleased with unpleasant assignments in place of actually talking to them about the issue. I’m well-known around the office for being devoutly religious in a very conservative sect.)

Coworker #1: “You must’ve ticked [Manager] off.”

Me: “Oh? Why?”

Coworker #1: “He’s assigned you to work with [Coworker #2] on book layouts. [Coworker #2] is hideously anal on those layouts. Not to mention, well, you know…”

Me: “Gay. Yes, I’d noticed.”

Coworker #1: *laughs* “Yeah. Good luck.”

(Fast forward six weeks: Coworker #2 and I are hitting it off and banging out the layouts in record time. Cue my manager glaring at me.)

Manager: “You seem to be doing well.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, we are. It’s wonderful to finally work with someone who appreciates the amount of effort that goes into making these books look right. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who can take instruction and criticism without getting his panties in a wad?”

Manager: “And there hasn’t been any problems, with, uh… his religious beliefs?”

Coworker #2: *raises eyebrow* “Should there be?”

Manager: “Uh, no…” *wanders off*

Me: “Think we should explain to him that my brother’s gay?”

Coworker #2: “Nah, let the jerk stew.”

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The Boss Is Out Of Order

| Seattle, WA, USA | Working | January 21, 2016

(I process and input the orders that come in for our product. It has been very busy the past few weeks, since we recently came out with a new version of our book, and have been slammed with orders. I finally manage to finish all the orders that were in my in basket.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], look at this!”

(I show her my empty in basket. She puts in an order that just came in via fax.)

Me: “Aaawww…”

Coworker: “You just like bursting his bubble, don’t you?”

Winging It Before You Can Fly

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | February 25, 2015

(I have to train a new hire that will do pretty much the same job I am doing. This is a typical conversation with her.)

Me: *going to her desk first thing in the morning, after spending the previous day showing her different forms she needs to complete* “Okay, let’s go over that form so we can send it through the system.”

New Hire: “Oh, I already did it and sent it.

(I presume she followed the notes she took the day before to complete it and ask to see the finished form.)

Me: “Um, this is completely wrong and you already sent this through the system?! If you had questions, why didn’t you ask me? And why did you send it without my checking it first?”

New Hire: “Oh, well you were gone for the day, and I wanted to get it off of my desk, so I just winged it and sent it through.”

Me: *face-palm*

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