A Different Kind Of Socializing

, , , , , , | Healthy | April 1, 2019

Doctor: “Are you sexually active?”

Me: “I’m not even socially active.”

(The doctor had to leave the room from laughing so hard.)

His Hearing Is Hearty

, , | Healthy | March 29, 2019

(I am a hearing aid technician running a clinic in a local GP surgery. I have no medical training at all. My clients wait in the main reception area until I call them by name.)

Me: “Mr. [Unusual Name]?”

Man: “That’s me.”

(He stands and follows me to the treatment room.)

Me: “Please take a seat.”

(I make a note on my paperwork before turning to him, only to find he’s removed his shirt and is untucking his vest.)

Me: “What are you doing?!”

Man: “You need my chest, don’t you?”

Me: “What for?”

Man: “To listen to my heart.”

Me: “I’m here to fix your hearing aids!”

Man: “What hearing aids? Nothing wrong with my ears!”

Me: “Um… I think there’s been a mistake. Please get dressed!”

(It turned out there were two men with the same very unusual last name, both in the waiting room at the same time. And of course, the man with the faulty hearing aids couldn’t hear me!)

A Periodically Brief Scare

, , , | Healthy | March 20, 2019

(After surgery on my leg, I need to pee, so I ask the nurse for help using the bedpan. After I’m finished, I can’t see the contents from my position but she obviously can, and she looks up with a horrified expression:)

Nurse: “This… This is your urine?”

Me: “Er, yes.”

Nurse: *speechless*

Me: “Oh! I forgot! I’m on my period!”

(She immediately sighs with relief. Sorry for scaring you, nurse!)

Keeping Your Sister On Her Toes

, , , , , , | Healthy | March 15, 2019

(My older sister currently works at as an ER nurse. I am woken up one Saturday morning by my cell phone ringing.)

Me: “Hello?”

Sister: “I need you to come downstairs, right now.”

(I get up and walk down to the living room to find her and my parents all watching me descend.)

Me: “What’s going on?”

Sister: “I slipped on the stairs and broke my toe.”

Me: “You need someone to drive you to the hospital?”

Sister: “NO! My coworkers and I always joke about someone coming to the ER because they stubbed their toe. I am not going to the hospital because I hurt my toe.”

Me: “So, what do you need from me?”

Sister: “I need you to reset the bone. Mom is too squeamish and Dad is too gentle. You just need to pull on it quick, like taking off a bandage.”

Me: *shrugs* “Okay.” *walks over and yanks on the crooked toe*

Sister: *gasp of pain followed by a relieved sigh* “Thank you.”

(During her next shift at work, someone commented on her slight limp. She admitted to the accident and the doctor on hand insisted on x-raying her foot. The bone in the toe was indeed broken, but perfectly realigned.)

Helping Them Make A Rash Decision

, , , , | Healthy | March 15, 2019

(I answer the telephones at a large emergency room.)

Me: “Emergency Department.”

Patient: “I was there yesterday, and was given medicine. The nurse told me if I develop a rash, I should come back into the ER.”

Me: “Okay.”

Patient: “I have a rash now. What should I do?”

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