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Sticky, Tricky and Picky

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2009

(I am working in customer service, and a woman walks up with a Nintendo DS and her receipt. She has our protection plan purchased, so I send her to one of the agents to take a look at it.)

Agent: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need you to take a look at my son’s DS. It isn’t working anymore.”

Agent: “Well, let’s see here.” *opens the DS and clears his throat* “Uh, ma’am? There’s jelly in here…”

Customer: “Oh! I know! My son was playing his DS while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and dropped it on the DS. Is it unfixable? Am I going to have to get a new one? Can I get a DSi instead?”

Agent: “We can’t do anything for it, actually.”

Customer: *starting to get angry* “Why not?”

Agent: “This protection plan does not cover accidental damage.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I am not paying for another DS! You’re doing something for me!”

Agent: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Like I said before, we don’t cover anything accidental.”

Customer: “Then I did it on purpose! Will you fix it now?!”

Agent: *sliding the DS back to the customer* “No…”

At Least Someone Is Receiving Maintenance…

, , , , , | Right | April 30, 2009

(I work at an asthma and allergy specialists office. A mom calls me five minutes to 5:00 pm on a Friday. We are getting ready to close for the weekend.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Clinic]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need to bring my son in…”

Me: “Ma’am, we close our office at 5:00 pm, and we don’t work weekends. Would you like to talk to the nurse?”

Caller: “No, he needs to see a doctor right now!”

Me: “Well, we have our doctor on call — you’re more than welcome to call him. He can answer your questions and help with anything–”

Caller: “Do you speak English?! I just told you that my son needs to be seen right now! He’s had this cough since Monday, and he hasn’t been breathing right since he got it!”

Me: “Well, it seems that if he’s been that bad since Monday, you would have brought him in then to be seen, or even Tuesday, and not wait until the weekend to call…”

Caller: “I was really busy this week! I had an appointment at the salon almost every day after work to get my hair done, my nails… I just didn’t have time! I have time today because the stylist just called me; she had an emergency and had to re-schedule.”

Me: “Ma’am, right now our office is closed. Please take your son to the emergency room, as it seems like he needs to be seen immediately to have that cough taken care of.”

Caller: *very agitated* “If I take him to the ER, that’s a $100.00 copay! That would eat into my salon funds!”

Me: “…”

Raising The Next Always Right Generation

, , , | Right | April 27, 2009

(This is at a soup shop where we offer samples.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I try the soup?”

Me: “Sure, but be careful; it’s very hot.”

(She proceeds to sip it without grabbing a spoon which is in her line of sight.)

Customer: “OW! That is really hot!”

(She hands it to her six-year-old son who proceeds to do the same thing she just did.)

Child: “That burned my tongue!”

Customer: “You should warn people that your soup is hot!”

Me: “Would you buy the soup if it was cold?”

Customer: “Absolutely not.”


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Ah, Mothers, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2009

(I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

Mother: “It’s just so god-d*** a** f***ing cute!”

Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

Children Should Come With A Manual… Or A Hot Line

, , , | Right | April 24, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need some help. My son just shot my TV.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yeah, he was playing around with a BB gun and shot the center of the TV. It’s dead. I need to know what to do.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, sir… that’s not something that’s covered under warranty.”

Customer: “Oh, obviously. I know that, but I need to know what to do.”

Me: “I can get you the number of a repair shop near you…”

Customer: “No, I need to know what to do to my son. He shot my f****** TV. What do I do? Ground him? Spank him?”

Me: “Uh… unfortunately, that’s not something I can assist you with, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Right. Well, I thought I would try anyway.”