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May We Suggest The Child Protective Services Ride

, , , | Right | March 2, 2009

(I am working at the bumper cars at an amusement park, where there is a height restriction. A guy comes up with his son who is clearly too short.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your son is too short to ride on the bumper cars.”

Customer: “I just waited for two hours in line to go on the bumper cars, and you won’t let my son ride!?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there are signs outside that show the height restrictions before you got in line.”

(The customer then proceeds to grab his son around the throat and lift him up by the neck and holds him up to the sign.)

Customer: “There! Now he’s tall enough!”

Me: “Get the h*** out of here!”

The Bruce Lee Fantasy Will Have To Wait

, , | Right | March 2, 2009

(I’m ringing up a middle-aged mother for a Nintendo Wii System she’s buying for her son.)

Me: “Would you like to buy a Nunchuk as well?”

Customer: “H***, YEAH!”

Me: *taken aback by her enthusiasm* “All right… the Nunchuk is $19.99.”

Customer: “Only twenty bucks? My kid’s gonna love it.”

Me: *holding up the controller* “Uh, the Nunchuk is a controller… It’s just this right here.”

Customer: “Oh… then never mind.”


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Hair-Brained

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2009

(I work as a receptionist at a place where they cut little kid’s hair. This one lady walks into the store with her child and decides to get her daughter’s hair cut).

Hairstylist: “Okay, before we start, are you sure you want this much off?” *shows length*

Customer: “Yes.”

Hairstylist: “Are you absolutely sure? It’s very very short, you want it ALL off of your daughter?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! I know what I want, I know what my daughter wants!”

Hairstylist: “Okay, if you’re sure.”

(She proceeds to cut the kid’s hair up to the desired length. The mother then starts wandering out of the store.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, may I suggest you please stay in the store? We want to make sure you see what is happening with your daughter’s cut.”

Customer: “But I have to go shopping. It’ll be fine.”

Me: “Yes, but we aren’t a babysitting service–”

Customer: “I’ll be right back!”

(The customer leaves. The hairstylist finishes the cut and the poor kid is waiting for her mom. She sits in a corner and plays with some toys until her mother comes back.)

Customer: *eyeing the haircut* “What!? It’s too short! Who said I gave you permission to cut it that short!”

Hairstylist: “But ma’am, I asked you three ti–”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I come in here and I pay all this money and you don’t do it the way I want it!”

Me: “But–”

Customer: “She’s supposed to be at a piano recital today! Now she’s going to be upset and can’t play! I can’t show her to the other parents now! I’m calling the cops!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “I SAID I’M CALLING THE COPS, give me your phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t think the police will be interested in this. I can try and get the hairstylist to fix it for you–”

Customer: “I’M GOING!”

(She takes her child and storms out of the store.)

Hairstylist: “I take it she didn’t leave me a tip.”

Me: “She didn’t pay either…”

(I ended up calling mall security, and she sheepishly comes back later after calming down. A few months later, she comes back and wants the same hairstylist again. Go figure!)

Better Off Popular

, , , | Right | February 23, 2009

(I am a lifeguard and jumped in to help a boy who had wandered into deep water. This interaction happens with his mother after I help the boy out of the water.)

Mother: *running over* “What happened?!”

Me: “Everything is okay, ma’am. Your son just went too deep into the water. He should be fine.”

Mother: “Well, why the h*** did you help him?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Mother: “Why did you have to jump in and help him?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s my job, and your son was having trouble swimming–”

Mother: *interrupting* “You idiot! You embarrassed my son in front of everyone! Don’t you think you should have thought about how embarrassing that must have been for a little boy?!”

Me: “Actually, no I didn’t think about that. I was more concerned about your son drowning than him being embarrassed.”

Mother: “That’s ridiculous! Why the h*** would you ever be more concerned about THAT?!”

He’ll Raise The Dead And Validate Your Parking

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2009

(A woman comes into my clinic with her six-year-old daughter and approaches the receptionist.)

Customer: “Hi. I need my daughter’s eyes fixed.”

Employee: “Sorry?”

Customer: “My daughter. She’s blind. I need you to fix it.”

Employee: “Oh, um… Is she totally blind? Can’t see a thing? How about light?”

Customer: “No, she’s completely blind.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t think we can help you. How long has she been this way?”

Customer: “Oh, all her life. She was born blind.”

Employee: “Why didn’t you look for help earlier?”

Customer: “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILDREN, MISSY!”

(After listening in on the conversation, I decide to step in.)

Me: “Is there a problem here?”

Customer: *pulls her daughter’s arm* “Yes. My daughter is blind and you need to fix it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing we can do. We don’t treat things like that here.”

Customer: “NO! You call yourself an eye doctor?! You must be able to fix her, and you WILL!”

Me: “Like I said, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Well, godd*** you all to h***! I’m going somewhere that will actually help us!”

Me: “Ask Jesus, I heard he was good at that.”

Customer: *storms out*


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