Signs It’s Time To Leave The Nest
(A woman walked up to my coworker in a panic.)
Woman: “Have you seen my son? Did someone take my son?!”
Coworker: “I’m not sure. How old is he?”
Woman: *still panicked* “Twenty!”
Always Right, Especially When It’s Mom
Coworker: “Guys! There’s a car pulled in backward in the drive-thru. They’re backward!”
Backward Customer: “Hi, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milkshake.”
Coworker: “I’m sorry. We don’t have those items. Is there something else I can get you?”
Backward Customer: “No, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milkshake!”
Coworker: “Ma’am, do you realize you’re at [Mexican Fast Food Restaurant]? Would you like a taco?”
Backward Customer: “Okay, okay, we’re kidding! [My Name], this is your mom and [Aunt]!”
(Family are the worst customers!)
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Thanks For Shopping At Quadruped, Inc.
(I witnessed this interaction between a girl and her dad.)
Dad: “Are you as picky about your toilet paper as your ex-stepmom was?”
Girl: “No, not really.”
Dad: “Okay, grab one of those, then.”
(The girl reaches for a pack that’s on its side.)
Dad: “No, no, not that one. I want one that hasn’t been touched by human hands!”
Girl: “Are you saying the store employees aren’t human?”
Dad: “Well, you’ve seen them… You be the judge.”
(I had to walk off so they wouldn’t hear me laughing.)
The Child May Get A Himself Complex
(I am working at the registers as a lady walks in with a child in a stroller. One of the other employees walks up to her.)
Employee: “Aw, what a cute baby. What’s his name?”
Customer: “God.”
Employee: “You named the kid after God?”
Customer: “No, I named him God.”
Octomom, The Early Years
(A middle-aged woman who doesn’t look too well comes up to my checkout.)
Me: “Hi! How are you today?”
Customer: “I think I’m in labour.”
Me: “Oh! Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?” *starts scanning her items*
Customer: “Nah, this is my third one. I won’t go to the hospital until I know it’s coming out.”
Me: “Oh. Um… all right.”
(I finish ringing her up and hand her her bags.)
Customer: “Yeah, it doesn’t hurt or anything. After the first one, you don’t really notice!” *takes her things and leaves*