(My parents rarely show romantic affection towards one another, particularly out in public. We’re all in the family SUV, and we’ve just gone through the drive-thru at a fast food place when I notice my order’s not right.)

Me: “Oh, geez, they forgot the honey for my chicken nuggets.”

Dad: *pats Mom’s leg* “I’ve got my honey right here.”

Mom: “Aw, you’re so sweet!”

Dad: “Just like you; you’re my sweet bee s***.”

(It’s the early ‘90s, and a lot of “portable” technology is still pretty expensive. My parents and I have just gotten back from visiting my grandparents’ house in Florida. It was a long, three-day drive, and upon arriving home late that night we’re all very tired and hungry.)

Mom: “I’m thinking of putting on a frozen pizza. How does that sound?”

Dad: “Excellent. We’ll unload the car while you pre-heat the oven.”

(A couple of minutes later, the oven has started to heat up, yet something seems off.)

Me: “Mom? Dad? Something smells really funny in the kitchen.”

Mom: “It almost smells like burning rubber or something.” *sudden gasp of realization* “[Neighbor]’s camcorder!”

Me: “What?!”

(Sure enough, Mom and Dad turn the oven off and open the door to find the melted remains of what was once a very expensive, new recording device.)

All: “…”

Mom: “Oh, NO…”

Me: “Why was [Neighbor]’s new portable video recorder in the oven?!”

Mom: “We borrowed it for [Event] and didn’t get a chance to return it before they left on their vacation.”

Me: “But why the oven?!”

Dad: “I thought it would be safe there! No one would look for a VCR machine in an oven!”

Mom: “Well, we’ve certainly proven that part right.”

(My parents bought him an entirely new machine; thankfully, he found the whole story hilarious. We also learned an important lesson: always check your ovens before turning up the heat!)

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(I am visiting my mom, who still has the cats I grew up with. At one point I am in the living room cuddling with one of them.)

Mom’s Husband: “I thought you’d be spending time with your mom right now?”

Me: *curled up with my fifteen-year-old cat, face buried in her soft fluffy belly* “But… I only have a few more years left with her!”

Mom: *coming around the corner with a shocked look on her face* “Oh! You were talking about HER! I thought you were talking about ME!”

Me: “GOD no! I expect to have at least another thirty years with YOU!”

(Unfortunately, that plus all of us laughing was too much noise for kitty’s naptime, so she cut off my cuddle time to flounce off and relax somewhere else. Fortunately, she’s now eighteen and still in great health. I expect she’ll make it into her twenties.)

(I am living back home with my mother after my divorce. Our bedrooms are right next to each other, and we have our own TVs. I’m a horror buff, while she prefers crime dramas — CSI, Law & Order, etc. — and shuns anything remotely gory. This exchange happens as we’re shouting to each other between rooms.)

Character On Crime Drama: “The victim was eviscerated…”

Mom: “Hey, [My Name], what does ‘eviscerated’ mean?”

Me: “Gutted like a fish!”

Mom: “Okay, thanks!” *changes channel quickly*

(I’m back in my fairly small, conservative hometown, going grocery shopping with my dad. We get up to the register, and our cashier, a teenage girl, has a Dalek bow in her hair.)

Me: “Your bow is rockin’!”

Cashier: *laughing* “Thanks! I was actually just admiring the X-Men button on your purse!”

(We chat back and forth a bit about our favorite comic series when my dad scoffs.)

Dad: “Nerds.”

(She immediately looks horrified, but I just laugh.)

Me: “Dad… you introduced me to Dr. Who and Batman and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy when I was seven! Where do you think I get it from?”

Dad: “Well, yeah. Hitchhiker’s Guide is classic, and Batman is clearly the coolest comic series. But the classic Dr. Who series is so much better. It just went downhill after they introduced River Song. You two are nerds.”

(Both the cashier and I were laughing by this point. Dad and I paid, collected our groceries, and left, my dad still arguing that I’m nerdier than he is. That may be, but the apple doesn’t fall far, Dad!)