Suddenly, I Feel Very Sorry For Her Child

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2008

Woman: Excuse me, I’ve lost my child somewhere in the store.

Me: “Okay. I’ll get someone right away.”

(I call in a code yellow.)

Me: “Okay, how old is your child?”

Woman: “She’d just turned three. Oooh, what if she’s been kidnapped?”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’m sure that’s not the case.”

(Security comes up to talk to her and she turns around.)

Security: “Ma’am, how many children do you have?”

Woman: “Just one. Why?”

Security: “Because your child is on your back.”

(She was wearing one of those harnesses.)

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Send In The Clowns

, , , | Right | January 27, 2008

(Almost thirty kids are lined up at the Velcro wall waiting to ride. We have about five minutes until our troupe leaves. One of the parents comes up to me.)

Mother: “I want my son to ride this ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think there’s enough time for all these kids to–”

Mother: “I don’t care if he’s the last one. I want him to ride this ride.”

Me: “This ride is going to shut down in about five minutes. There isn’t enough time for–”

Mother: “He can be the last in line, then.”

Me: “He can wait in line but probably won’t be able to–”

Mother: “Fine.”

(The mother walks away and returns some time after the ride is shut down and all kids are turned away.)

Mother: “Hey! HEY! I thought we agreed that my child would get on the ride.”

Me: “That’s not what we agreed to.”

Mother: “Well, put the ride back up so he can ride it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but we can’t do all that for one child.”

Mother: “Why not?! You’re just being f***ing stubborn.”

Me: “If you have any complaints you can speak to the clown over there. Have a nice day.”

Mother: “I don’t want to talk to any d*** clown.”

Me: “That clown is my boss.”


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So This Is Why People Have Kids

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2008

(It’s Christmas Eve and there is a long line of customers who are now waiting to pay. A little girl cuts to the front while I am giving a guy a drink refill.)

Little Girl’s Mom: *to the refill guy* “UGH! Did you just cut her?”

(The mom smacks the guy on the head; surprisingly, he just walks off with his soda.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Little Girl’s Mom: “Don’t ask me, ask her! She’s your customer; you should be asking her. God, it’s people like you who ruin the holidays!”

Me: *to the little girl* “Okay, what would you like?”

(The little girl just stares blankly at me while customers are becoming pissed.)

Little Girl’s Mom: *coming clean* “Just give me a diet [Soda]. It’s for me.”

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Why Alcohol And Customers Don’t Mix

, , , | Right | January 8, 2008

Me: “The Medic Recordings, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “You know why I’m calling! Can I just come?!”

Me: “Ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “Oh yes I’m sorry, it’s my son. He’s very sick.”

Me: “Ma’am this is a recording studio. Are you sure you dialed the right number?”

Customer: “WHAT?! The phone book says ‘The Medic’!”

Me: “Uh… it says The Medic Recordings, I believe…”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t care what you are. I’m coming in, my son has a terrible fever!”

Me: “Ma’am I don’t think we could help you–”

Customer: “JUST BE READY!”

*Click*

(Sure enough, she showed up about fifteen minutes later and was obviously drunk because she had no son nor did she know why she came.)

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