May We Suggest Hoobastink and Led Hindenburg

, , , | Right | April 21, 2009

(I overhear this odd exchange while shopping at a local used music store. It takes place between the clerk and a woman with a heavy accent.)

Customer: “I am looking for a CD of band called Wet Noodle.”

Clerk:Wet Noodle? I don’t think we have anything like…”

Customer: “You have it! My grandson says he wants the CD of band Wet Noodle!”

(The clerk searches for the band on his computer, to no avail.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any record of any products by a band called Wet Noodle.”

(I put one and one together and interject.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you mean Limp Bizkit?”

Customer: “Yes! Some band like Wet Noodle or Limp Bizkit or some food!”

(The clerk gets the CDs for the lady, finishes her transaction, and then turns to me.)

Clerk: *to me* “I’m giving you every discount I know of.”

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Invisible Incentive

, , | Right | March 27, 2009

(There were a series of compilation albums on release called “Air Guitar Hero” which had a very tongue-in-cheek advertisement. I have just sold a copy to a customer who returns to the store 10 minutes later.)

Me: “Are you okay there?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t get my free air guitar with this CD.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: “This CD, it’s supposed to come with a free air guitar.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “On the advertisement, the one on TV. It says comes with free air guitar!”

Me: “Um, that’s a joke they made on the advertisement.”

Customer: “But it says on the advertisement I get a free air guitar with this album!”

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Will Stop Playing For Food

, , , | Right | February 24, 2009

(It’s the end of the day on my mother’s hot dog cart, when I was about 17. We stop cooking and decide to hang up a sign selling the remaining cooked food 2-for-1. There’s an annoying guy that’s been badly playing the accordion next to our cart all day.)

Accordion Guy: “Closing, eh? I’d like four Italian sausage, two cheeseburgers, and two hot dogs!”

(My mom happily packs up the order into a box as I ring up the total.)

Me: “That’ll be $10.50.”

Accordion Guy: “What? No! It’s $4!”

Me: “Cheeseburgers are $3.50, sausage is $3, and hot dogs are $2. We’re having a special right now, but there’s still no way it adds up to only $4.”

Accordion Guy: “No! Your sign says two-for-one! Two things for one dollar! I got eight things, so it’s $4!”

Me: “That’s not at all what that sign means. It means you get two things for the price of one.”

Accordion Guy: “Yes it does! That’s exactly what it means!”

Me: “Sir, I wrote the sign myself. Several customers have come up to the cart in the last few minutes, and haven’t had any trouble with this concept.”

Accordion Guy: “It’s $4!”

Me: “You saying that doesn’t make it true.”

My Mom: *quietly, to me* “Whatever. If he’s eating, he can’t play the accordion!”

Me: “Sir, that will be $4, please!”


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That’s One Small Kneeprint For Man

, , , | Right | February 24, 2009

(I was in a record store and I overheard this conversation.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my dad. He likes jazz; who do you recommend?”

Clerk: “Well, Louis Armstrong is pretty popular.”

Customer: “Louis Armstrong? Isn’t he the astronaut? He’s like the first guy to walk on the moon.”

Clerk: “No, no, you’re thinking Neil.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever, the first guy to kneel on the moon.”

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But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

, , , | Right | February 13, 2009

(A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

Me: “You all set?”

Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

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