How About “Shop Around The Clock”

, , , | Right | September 2, 2009

(A customer comes up to our customer service desk complaining about music playing in our store.)

Customer: “I want you to take that last song off the speakers.”

Me: “Umm, Don’t Upset The Rhythm? Is that the one?”

Customer: “The one that goes ‘Go Baby Go Baby Go’?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Yes, take it off. It’s pressuring me to hurry my shopping!”

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Little Know It All Has No Reason To Be Still Waiting

, , | Right | August 3, 2009

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “Last night, I came here to see Sum 41 and The Offspring. Sum 41 called some people up onto the stage, but they didn’t know the words!”

Me: “Wait, you’d like to complain about a random fan a singer picked to come up on stage?!”

Caller: “Yes! These girls just danced around like fools! I’ve been a fan for years and I know all the words, so why wasn’t I picked to go on stage?”

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The Perils Of Information Underload

, , , | Right | July 23, 2009

(I’m a band host for a Norwegian band and am working at a music festival in Trondheim, Norway. An irate lady comes up to me.)

Lady: “What the h*** is going on?”

Me: “This is the Trondheim Rock Festival.”

Lady: “But it’s in the middle of everything!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Lady: “I have to go all around it to get to the other side of the city center!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, you do.”

Lady: “But this is outrageous! How can you do this without telling people on beforehand?”

Me: “Well, there’s been a lot of publicity on TV, posters on the walls, and in the newspapers. It also takes place the same time each year.”

Lady: “Hmph! I think you should get something done about this. You can’t expect people to remember, look at posters, read newspapers, or watch TV all the time!”

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Constructive Criticism For The Music Industry

, , | Right | July 16, 2009

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Music Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m having a little trouble with this CD.” *holds up a Carrie Underwood CD*

Me: “All right, what’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “Well, I was listening to that song, you know, Before He Cheats.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, the lyrics don’t really make sense in one part.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, you see, she says, ‘I may have saved a little trouble for the next girl, because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.'”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You see, she hasn’t really helped the next girl at all. She’s saying he’ll cheat again, and that it won’t be on her, so it’ll be on the next girl! That next girl isn’t being helped at all!”

Me: “…so there’s nothing wrong with the CD itself?”

Customer: “The lyrics don’t make any sense at all!”

Me: “Ma’am, if the CD itself plays correctly, then…”

Customer: “Well, I’m saying it DOESN’T play correctly! The words are wrong!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do to change the lyrics of a song.”

Customer: “Can’t you just call her up, and make her change them? I mean, really, it’s in her best interest, since her song would make more sense, and more people would buy it that way!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me be sure I’m understanding you. You want me to somehow call Carrie Underwood, and have her change the lyrics to her song, which has sold millions of copies, because you don’t approve.”

Customer: “Exactly! I knew someone would understand. The other store I went to didn’t help at all!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that, not only is the actual CD playing without skips, and the disk is not scratched, but that you bought it somewhere else?”

Customer: “Well, yes. So, can you call her?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can not.”

(The customer refused to understand that I could not, in fact, change the lyrics, and spent another 10 minutes trying to explain why she was upset.)

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Symphony In Underage Minor

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2009

(I work at a music store which also offers private lessons. There’s a student practicing on a piano when another customer comes in.)

Me: “Welcome to [Music Store]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy a piano for my son. He’s starting lessons next week.”

Me: “Digital, upright, or grand?”

Customer: “I just want a piano!”

Me: “Certainly. This is the Roland RD-700GX, which–”

Customer: “Is that girl for sale with that piano?” *points to the girl*

Me: “Uh, no, ma’am. That is a student. She’s just practicing.”

Customer: “Well, I want that girl to teach my son! How much does she cost?”

Me: “Ma’am, she is NOT for sale.”

Customer: “She’s not? But she’s sitting right there! This is false advertisement!”

Me: “We sell pianos, ma’am. Not children.”

Customer: “But it’ll be so romantic to have that playing in the background during meals!”

Me: “Ma’am. For the last time, she is not for sale. Please stop.”

Customer: *walks over to girl* “Hello!”

Girl: “Uh… hi?”

Customer: “How much do you cost?”

Girl: *without missing a beat* “Lady, you must be really desperate if you’re looking for a hooker in a music store!”

Customer: *quickly leaves the store*

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