(One of our regulars is an old man notorious for talking to anybody and everybody in the shop about his opinions on politics and religion. For fun, I have put up a little sign that says, “Happy ‘Back to the Future’ Day! OCT 21 2015 07 28,” because it is now the date that Marty, Doc, and Jennifer traveled to in the movie.)

Regular: “So, what’s going on with ‘Back to the Future’?”

Me: “Well, have you seen Back to the Future?”

Regular: “What?”

Me: “Back to the Future.”

Regular: *nonplussed*

Me: “Have you seen that movie?”

Regular: “Nah, I don’t go to movies.”

(He then puts his head down and proceeds to act as though he does not care to hear or understand me while I briefly explain why I put the sign up.)

Regular: “They haven’t made a good movie since [Movie Title I have never heard of]. They don’t make ’em that way anymore.”

(I proceed to ring him up.)

Regular: “Hate to tell you that, but…”

Me: “Well…”

Regular: “Don’t buy into their garbage.”

(He looked at me as though he was really pleased to have “burst my bubble,” and walked away.)

(In the heyday of the video rental industry, I work at one of the largest national chains. As a big-time film geek, I can often figure out what title an individual is seeking with only the most basic of information.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a movie, and that guy over there—” *points to coworker* “—says I should talk to you.”

Me: “Okay, maybe I can help. Is it a new release or an older film?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Did it come out recently, say, in the last year or two, or is it older?”

Customer: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “Well, that will give me some insight as to where it is in the store.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know when it came out.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me what it’s about?”

Customer: “Not really. It just looked good.”

Me: *trying a different tactic* “Do you know who’s in it?”

Customer: “It’s that girl. The one that’s in all those other movies.”

(I can feel my blood pressure rising.)

Me: “I’m afraid I’ll need a little more information than that. Do you know her name, or what other movies she’s been in?”

Customer: *shakes her head* “No. Your coworker said you could help me.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m trying, but you’re not giving me much to work with. Can you give me some idea as to what the movie is about?”

Customer: *groaning* “It’s about a girl who goes home.”

Me: *just taking a stab* “Is it Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael?”

Customer: *seemingly appalled* “No! I don’t even know what that is! Look. Are you going to help me or not? I’m looking for that movie. It’s about a girl who goes home!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that could be any number of movies on our shelves.”

Customer: *shouting* “No, it couldn’t! It’s about a girl who goes home, and it’s got that girl who’s been in those other movies! You’re no help!”

(And with that, she stormed off.)

(After working in a theater for so long, I’ve grown accustomed to parents dragging their kids along to movies that would be considered inappropriate, but unless it’s rated NC-17 or has no rating at all, the most we can do is warn them. Every now and then, I’m thrown for a loop.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I was wondering if you could tell me why The Muppets has a PG rating.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I saw the movie myself, and the only reason I can think of is that there’s some mildly crude humor.”

Customer: “I have some of my friend’s kids with me. Are you sure it’s okay for them to watch?”

Me: *surprised* “Um… Yes?”

(My boyfriend and I are hanging out, watching anime. Of note, my boyfriend is a couple years older than me. Predictably, my cat decides that he really, really needs to be the center of attention.)

Me: *hugging cat* “I got you. You’re trapped. No escape.”

(My cat wriggles free and runs off, but is back on my lap within 30 seconds.)

Boyfriend: *laughs*

Me: *hugging cat again* “I’m gonna love him, and feed him, and name him George!”

(As my cat once again escapes me, I see that my boyfriend has a confused look on his face.)

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “You’re not old enough to get that joke!”

Me: “Uh, no, it was assigned reading back in high school.”

Boyfriend: “Wait, what?”

Me: “Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men? Lenny and George?”

(My boyfriend just looks even more confused.)

Me: “Or are you thinking of the Looney Toons jokes referencing it?”

Boyfriend: “Wait, wha– YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW LOONEY TOONS!”

Me: “It’s older than your parents.”

Boyfriend: “…”

Cat: *trying to put his butt on my face* “MREOW!”

(I’ve just woken up, I’m being a bit lazy in getting up, and I want five more minutes of snuggles. I turn to my boyfriend, who is half-awake next to me. Warning: Marvel Cinematic Universe spoilers.)

Me: “Babe. You know how in Thor: Ragnarok, Loki went to Odin’s vault in the end? Do you think he took the Tesseract and saved the blue Infinity Stone?”

Boyfriend: “He almost definitely did. That’s why Thanos has it in the trailer for Infinity War.”

Me: “So, what happened to the red Infinity Stone?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, the strawberry stone. Not sure. Don’t know what it does.”

Me: “Okay, well, Doctor Strange has the green one. And what happened to Loki’s staff? That had the yellow stone in it.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, the lemon stone. It’s by the sugar stone and the pancake stone.”

(I’m keeping him.)