(A few of us employees have just made a cup of ‘heart-stopper’ — popcorn with way too much butter and salt — between shows. A mother and her son walk up to the counter.)

Son: “What’s that?”

Me: “We call it the heart-stopper.”

Son: “Can I try some?”

Me: “That’s up to your mom.”

(She gives consent and the kid really likes it and starts eating several pieces.)

Me: “Hey, slow down or you’ll wake up fat tomorrow morning!”

Son: “Woah! Is that what happened to you?”

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

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(It is 2010.)

Customer: “Can I have an adult and two students for [Film]?”

(The film is rated ‘15’, and the two children with her look like they might not be old enough.)

Me: “Can I just ask your dates of birth?”

First Child: “September 1995.”

Second Child: “Umm…”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t sell you the tickets as your son can’t give me a date of birth to confirm he is 15.”

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! He was born in August 1995. They’re my children. I think I know how old they are! Now, will you sell us the tickets!”

Me: “Wait, they’re both your children?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Yes!”

Me: “And they were only born a month apart?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You have to be pregnant for nine months.”

Customer: “Yes! So?” *realises*

(The customer swore and walked off.)

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(I am the first person to arrive at work in the morning, and I answer a call as soon as I walk into the door.)

Caller: “Finally! I have been calling since 5 am! You people should be ashamed. I have an emergency!”

Me: “I’m sorry. No one gets here until 10 am most days. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I have a serious problem! My daughter has planned to have a date sometime today at your theater, and I told her she was not allowed to go! I need you to cancel her ticket!”

(I see no pre-sales for the day at all.)

Me: “No one has bought a ticket so far for today, so I can’t really help. Maybe you should just make her stay home?”

Caller: “Well, I can’t do that. She lives in her own place and I can’t get over there in time to stop her.”

Me: “Just how old is your daughter anyway?”

Caller: “She’s 28.”

Me: “Ma’am, she’s an adult and I cannot refuse her a ticket because you do not approve of her date.”

Caller: “You don’t understand! He’s a Democrat!”

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Customer: *walks up and takes a deep breath* “WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE’RE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND BE SAD AND STUFF!”

Me: “So, one for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World?”

Customer: “That sounds lovely.”

(This was back when the movie “Catch Me If You Can” came out. The movie poster has two large blue arrows pointing in different directions.  A man buys a ticket and goes down the hallway to the theater. We see him again, walking the other way and looking angry. Finally, he comes up to the counter.)

Me: “May I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, where are you showing this movie?” *waves the ticket in my face*

Me: “Just down that hallway, sir… The second door.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that! I followed the arrows on the poster, and they led me to the bathroom and then a closet!”

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