(A mother and her very young daughter approach the counter. She puts down ‘Princess Mononoke’ and begins to get out her card.)

Me: “I’d just like to point out while this is an excellent movie, it’s probably something you’d be uncomfortable with your daughter watching.”

Customer: “Why? It’s just a princess cartoon!”

Me: “It’s actually quite violent; it deals with a lot of complex subjects, and has scenes with realistic sword fights. There are several dismemberments in the first few minutes. But I can recommend several other movies by the same animation studio that both of you could enjoy.”

Customer: *slightly taken aback* “Um, yes, that sounds like a good idea. I wouldn’t want her to be scared.”

Customer’s daughter: *to me* “What’s a dismem-peppermint?”

Customer: “Don’t answer that!”

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Customer: “Hey, what movie did that other customer just turn in?”

Me: “Book of Eli. Would you like to rent it?”

Customer: “A book? No, I don’t want no book. I hate reading!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Book of Eli is the title of the movie.”

Customer: “I don’t like books.”

Customer’s Friend: “It’s not a book; it’s a movie.”

Customer: “Well, I bet it’s based on a book, and I hate books!”

This story is part of the Refusing To Read roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Bookstore Employees And Their Terrible Customers

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(A middle-aged male customer comes from the hallway of theaters and walks up to the booth.)

Customer: “Yeah, is there any way I can get a refund for this movie? Sex In The City?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. May I ask why you’d like a refund?”

Customer: “It’s… not what I thought it was gonna be.”

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(I work at a theater, and this shift I am in the box office selling tickets. A customer approaches me who has just gotten out of a movie.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to lodge a complaint with your manager.”

Me: “She isn’t actually working today, sorry, but if you tell me what you need to complain about, I can make sure it gets passed onto her right away.”

Customer: “I just watched The A-Team and it wasn’t at all how I thought it would be. The green people were very blurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there aren’t any green people in the movie The A-Team. Are you sure you went into the right auditorium?”

Customer: “What are you talking about? There is only one auditorium in this place!”

Me: “Actually, sir, we have five auditoriums, and there are different movies playing in each of them.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me that?! And why was the movie blurry?!”

Me: “Well, sir, the only movie we have that has green people in it is Shrek, and that movie is in 3D, so if you are not wearing the 3D glasses it would be very blurry.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you give me those glasses?”

Me: “You didn’t buy a ticket for that movie.”

Customer: “If there is only one auditorium, when does my movie play?”

Me: “Sir, your movie is over. You went into the wrong auditorium.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all your fault!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but how is this my fault?”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that there is more than one auditorium!”

Me: “When I sold you your ticket, I told you were in auditorium three.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were stupid. So, can I have a refund?”

Another Customer In Line: “Get out of line, dumba**!”

This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

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Caller: “I can’t access [Cable Channel]!”

Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [Channel]?”

Caller: “It was last night.”

Me: “All right, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [Channel], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”

This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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