In 2017, my sister and I were out for brunch and had a lovely time at an upscale rooftop restaurant in the heart of our city. Y’know, the kind with a full setting, cloth napkins, and white tablecloths. The kind where a pancake entrée has the word “melange” and mimosas are $16.

We had a great time even though the service was a little rushed. We get it; Saturday brunch means a lot of tables with a speedy turnover. My sister was a waitress all through college, and we even joked about her applying for the weekend shifts since she’d make great tips.

When it came time to settle the check, we noticed that we had been charged for two coffees, which we didn’t order nor received. While handing the bill back, I ask that they be taken off.

Waiter: “Well, you got coffee.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we actually didn’t. See?”

I showed him the pristine, empty coffee cups.

Waiter: “No, there are two coffee cups on the table.”

Me: “There are coffee cups on every table.”

At this point, he kind of huffed and rolled his eyes.

Waiter: “I don’t have the authority to remove anything from the bill.”

Before I could ask for someone who did, he smirked and said:

Waiter: “The manager on duty just went on break. You’ll have to wait thirty minutes for her to come back. But I’ll be asking you to wait at the host stand since we need the table.”

My sister and I looked at each other and we both got the same idea.

Sister: “Well, okay. I guess if we’re being charged for coffee, I’d like a refill.”

Me: “Oh, for me, too. And can you bring cream and sugar?”

It was at this moment that the waiter knew he’d f***ed up. We spent another twenty minutes sipping coffee and keeping him from turning the table. We asked for refills once, and I asked if they had any raw sugar packets.

By the end of it, he was pointedly ignoring us. We kind of giggled about it, and I made a very dramatic show of flourishing my card, putting it in the booklet, and setting it upright. My sister even tried to flag him down, but he refused to look in our direction.

We finished and hung around until he came back with his manager. He was smirking again. Big lips, that guy. I have to say, that facial expression stayed with me.

Waiter: *Sickly sweet* “Okay, you two, we have a seating time limit to allow our other guests the opportunity to eat with us. Will that be all today?”

Me: “Well, we’ve been waiting for you to take our check. I was trying to get your attention earlier, but you must have been busy.”

I offered him my card and the booklet, and I’d never seen a human turn red so quickly. He muttered that he’d be right back and marched off to run it. While we were waiting, the manager asked us about our experience. We said we both had a great time and we’d be back, and we relayed what happened. At least we ended up enjoying the coffee.

We paid, left a decent tip, and skedaddled. But it felt good knowing he probably cost himself a ticket’s worth of tips over $9 in coffee.

Many years ago, I was a delivery driver and trainer at a popular pizza delivery store. One of our general rules was to carry only enough money to make change from $20. We had lockboxes in the store where we’d drop money (cash or checks) after a delivery. We would get tips (usually) for our deliveries, and we’d put those into the boxes, as well. At the end of our shifts, we’d turn in the money for our deliveries. Any excess would be our tip money, plus the 6% commission from the orders. I would write down how much tip I got from each delivery, rounding to the nearest $0.25. This would usually be within a dollar of my actual tips, which greatly simplified the math.

One young driver I trained didn’t get the concept that you’d get your tips at the end of the shift after subtracting your delivery total from the lockbox receipts. He would meticulously figure his tip, count it out in his car after the delivery, and place it in his own personal lockbox in his car.

When I found out he was doing this, I made a strong suggestion.

Me: “You really should drop all your money at the store so you don’t have over $20 in your car at any time.”

New Driver: “The tips I get are mine. I’ll lose them if I put them in the store lockbox.”

It was simple subtraction to prove that this wasn’t the case, but he wouldn’t listen.

One evening, he took a delivery into one of the sketchier neighborhoods in our area. When he returned to the car and dug out his personal lockbox, a couple of teens ran up to him as he had his car door open and grabbed his lockbox. He gave chase, but they were faster. So, he lost his tips for the night.

He reported it to the manager, who called the police. Sadly, there was little they could do to track down the thieves. The manager gave him the rest of the night off, and I was assigned to check him out.

At the end, he was upset that he only had $6 more than what he started with, which was his commission.

New Driver: “What about my tips?”

Me: “Since the cash was in your car instead of in the store lockbox, management isn’t responsible for your loss.”

I then worked him through how putting his tip money in the store lockbox would not only keep it safe but he’d have that money consolidated in larger bills. I also showed him how I rounded the tips to the nearest quarter dollar, which gave me a reasonable estimate of what my nightly tips should be.

He finally got it, and it just cost him one night’s tips.

I worked in Africa as an operations manager for a large global security company from 2009 to 2014.

The country I was working in had been through a long civil war and was very underdeveloped — think no paved roads, and people living a very traditional African lifestyle. At the time, I’d been working there on a rotation of ten weeks in the country and two weeks at home for about four years.

I’d flown to and from work so often that I had the journey down to the bare-minimum travel time, and it worked out as the cheapest option for the company because travel days were paid from when I left home. The shorter my journey was, the cheaper it worked out for the company.

Someone in the head office looked at cutting down on travel costs, probably to make themselves look good and get promoted. As a result, I got an email after a week at home saying they had changed my normal flight, which was at 5:00 pm on Sunday from my nearest UK airport, via Amsterdam, then on to Nairobi, Kenya, connecting with a 9:00 am flight to [Country] on Monday morning. The change was from a 5:00 pm departure to a 5:00 am departure the same day, using the same route and saving about £80.

To clarify, the 9:00 am flight from Nairobi was the first flight to [Country] because the destination airport was the only surfaced runway in the country. It had no runway lights or radar, so all flights had to be in daylight.

I agreed to the flight time change, but they had to move it to Monday so I wouldn’t lose a day at home. They agreed because they still saved £80 on the ticket — no skin off their nose.

Once I got the flight confirmation, I contacted the travel desk asking for hotel and taxi bookings. When they asked why I needed these, I explained that a 5:00 am departure required a check-in at 3:00 am, so I needed a hotel at the airport on Sunday night because no trains were running to get me the three hours to the airport from home at that time of the morning.

The flights they booked would get me into Nairobi at 7:00 pm — after dark — so I’d need a hotel there and a taxi each way to and from the hotel to get me onto the 9:00 am flight on Tuesday — the same flight I would have been on if I’d left at 5:00 pm but a day later.

A couple of days went by, and I got a phone call from the company travel desk telling me the travel plan was confirmed. I was on the 5:00 am flight with a hotel reservation at my UK airport the night before and a hotel in Nairobi after landing, and the taxi would collect me in Nairobi and drop me at the airport for my final connection.

I asked about the cost savings and they said it was £80. I then asked about the hotels and taxis. They replied, “Oh, they don’t come out of our budget; that’s the operations budget, so you’re fine.”

I was happy. I was arriving back at work a day later, still paid the same amount, with a night out in Nairobi to sweeten the deal.

My boss, on the other hand, went nuts! Nobody had told him about the changes. My deputy flew out on the plane I flew in on, meaning I didn’t get a handover of the work that was going on. On top of that, the cost of hotels, taxis, and an extra day’s pay had all come out of my boss’s operational budget.

I think the total amount added was almost £1,000, but hey, they saved £80 on the flight cost!

I am selling tickets on the waterfront at a touristy island town. One of the activities we offer are glass floor boat rides so tourists can see marine wildlife without needing to get wet. I am explaining this to a tourist who is looking to book for his family and himself. 

Tourist: “So, did y’all hear about the Titanic?” 

Me: “The ship?” 

Tourist: “Yeah, its coordinates are on Google Maps now. Could we, like, see the wreckage from the boat?”

Me: “Sir, the wreckage is thousands of miles from here! And even if it weren’t, I believe it is some thousands of meters below the surface. Even in clear waters, you wouldn’t be able to see more than thirty meters clearly from the glass boats.”

The tourist slips me a US five-dollar bill.

Tourist: “Would this help make it happen?”

Me: “Sir, I just explained that it is physically impossible to see the Titanic wreckage from a glass floor boat in Bermuda. A…”

I look at the pitiful amount and don’t consider it enough to be even called a bribe.

Me: “…donation is not going to change that.”

Tourist: *Putting down another five* “How about now?”

My manager has now noticed what is happening and rushes over.

Manager: “Sir… my employee has explained the scientific and geographical reasons as to why what you want is impossible. Your continued expectation that money will overcome said reasons tells me that we’re unlikely to be able to give you what you want on this excursion.”

Tourist: *Putting down yet another five* “How about now?”

Manager: “Sir… either purchase an activity that we do offer or please leave. I’m beginning to think you’re not listening to what we are saying.”

Amazingly, the tourist puts down yet another five. 

Tourist: “How about now?” 

Manager: “Sir… the Titanic is not currently available for viewing because the water is too murky today.”

Tourist: “Ugh… why didn’t you just say so?!”

He grabs his “donations” and storms off back to his waiting family. 

Me: “Technically, I did!”

You’d think after all those explanations, the tourist would get it. We’ve got even crazier examples with these 10 Hilarious Times That Retail Workers Literally Could Not Explain It Any Simpler…

I own a floral shop. While we mostly use standard mass-produced vases, we do have a small section of antique, hand-blown designer vases. One we just got in is a bright pink and green tulip vase. It has been getting a lot of close looks and comments from customers.

A woman comes in about three weeks after we get the vase in.

Woman: “What a beautiful vase! Can you pull it down for me? I’m afraid I would drop it pulling it off that shelf.”

I hand it to her, and she begins looking it over and flips it over to look at the price.

Woman: “Can you tell me how much this vase is? It must be marked wrong.”

She starts to hand me the vase as she continues.

Woman: “It looks like it says $40. No one would pay that.”

Me: “$40 is the correct price, ma’am. It was hand-blown in the late 1970s, and the glass is colored, not painted. Are you interested or should I put it back?”

Woman: “I’m interested, but not for $40. You’ll never sell that for that much. It’s only worth maybe $15, but I’ll take it for $20. Go wrap it up.”

Me: “No, $40 is a fair price. We just got it in and I’m not willing to mark it down.”

I put the vase even higher on the shelf, out of her reach.

Woman: “I’m telling you it’s not worth that much. Just sell it to me now instead of sitting on it.”

Me: “I’ve had many people look at this vase. While it hasn’t sold yet, you’re the first to say anything about the price being too high. I have had two people over the past week say that they will be back to get it after payday. So, no, I don’t think I’ll have to hold onto it for very long.”

Woman: “Well, it’s called a negotiation. What is your best price? I’ll go up to $25.”

Me: “Ma’am, this a store, not a garage sale. The price is $40, and I have no intention of discounting it at this time.”

The woman raises her voice, almost yelling.

Woman: “You’re just completely delusional! No one will ever pay $40 for that vase. It’s just going to sit on your shelf collecting dust, but because I’m not unreasonable, I’m going to leave my phone number. When you realize I’m right, call me, and I’ll come back and get it. But I’m not paying more than $25.”

Me: “Okay, sure.”

She writes down her contact information while a ring up her items. She spends the entire time complaining about the price of the vase.

As she is walking out the door, she calls back over her shoulder.

Woman: “Don’t lose my number! I’ll be waiting for your call.”

A few months later, in walks the same woman. I don’t recognize her until she asks about the vase.

Woman: “Last time I was here, there was a pink and green vase on this shelf. Do you still have it?”

I pretend not to recognize her.

Me: “Are you talking about the vintage one that looked like an abstract tulip?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “No, that did not stick around for very long. But, funny story, some lady was in here demanding I sell it for a huge discount. She made me keep her number for when I was willing to be ‘more reasonable’ and told me that no one would ever be willing to pay $40 for it. I sold it two days later to a woman who went on and on about what a good deal it was, and then, a week after that, another customer came in to buy it. She said she was disappointed but not surprised it was gone. You’re actually the third person to ask me about that vase since it’s been sold.”

The woman blushes and looks embarrassed but does not admit to being the same person.

Woman: “Well, obviously, she was wrong.”

She took off right away without buying anything.