This story came from five years ago when I worked for a small IT Managed Service Provider company. We had four full-time techs. The “newest” tech had about five years of experience, and I was the most seasoned tech with nearly fifteen years of experience. Between the four of us, we managed about a thousand PCs and about twenty servers spread out over about thirty clients.

None of us were assigned to a specific client; we would all take turns grabbing whatever tickets came in. All of our work was lump sum or contract work, so we never had to worry about how long a problem took to fix or how much it would cost the client. We had an Account Manager who handled all the billing and things with the clients. It was a dream job for a tech; we got to show up and do our jobs and not have to deal with sales or billing any other client drama.

I not only had the most experience but was also the most self-motivated. I would often come in early and get started on the tickets that came in after hours, and I would assist the other techs if they came across a complex problem. Everyone, including the owner, referred to me as the “Senior Tech,” even though that wasn’t my title.

After two years working there, I decided to talk to the owner about a raise. I brought all kinds of information to our meeting, showing that I closed the most tickets and received the most positive feedback from a survey we sent our clients.

Owner: “All right, I’ll give you a raise, but I need to think about how much to give you. I’ll get back to you.”

A few weeks later, he called a company meeting and announced that he had decided to change some things and that he would no longer be giving anyone raises. Instead, he would set up KPIs (Key Performance Indicators), and the entire tech team would receive weekly bonuses based on hitting those numbers. I didn’t like this at all, as it meant my pay was dependent on the performance of everyone on the team and not just me. I found out later that one of the other techs had also asked for a raise, so this was the owner’s solution to pay us less.

The KPIs were simple enough. If a ticket came in, we had to acknowledge it within fifteen minutes to achieve a score of 100. If we missed the fifteen-minute window, the score for that ticket was zero. There were a total of ten things we had to hit, including how long the ticket was open before we marked it as complete. If the total score for the week was above ninety, we each received a $100 bonus.

I saw major problems with this bonus system, and I shared my concerns with the owner. He got very annoyed with me.

Owner: “Just hit the KPIs!”

Cue malicious compliance.

We all figured out pretty quickly how to game the KPI system. We could acknowledge a ticket in the system, but it didn’t check if we had actually called the client. We would just email and mark the ticket as “Reached out to the client.” A big issue was that sometimes a client would put in a low-priority ticket and ask that we schedule it for some time the following week, but that would make us miss our KPI. So, we would start hounding the client to schedule it sooner, and if they were not available, we would simply close the ticket.

We quickly learned to hit our KPIs and start getting a bonus every week. However, it caused our customer service to drop, which is exactly what I had warned the owner about. During the previous two years, we had never had a complaint about our service, but now there were multiple complaints every week. This whole process added a ton of stress to us, as we all started to fight when someone missed a KPI, and we all started to work late on Fridays to try and get in those last few numbers.

After two months, the owner finally realized he had made a mistake. He removed the bonus system (without giving us a raise) and asked us to go back to how things were. At this point, I was so stressed that I had already started looking for another job, and we had lost two clients. I was the first to put in my two weeks’ notice, but before I left, the other three techs had all put in notice, as well.

The last I heard, the company had lost over half its clients and the owner had to bring in several new techs, paying them over 20% more than I had asked for my raise.

Anyone who has worked as a cashier knows that some customers can react adversely when their card payment doesn’t go through. Some people just take their card declining as a personal attack for some reason. I’m going to tell you about the worst customer like this that I ever had.

At first, everything was normal. I put their groceries through. We exchanged small talk. No problems. Until their card declined. Suddenly, it was like a switch flipped and the customer went from being pleasant to outright nasty in an instant.

Customer: “Why have you rejected my card? I have money! I have thousands of pounds in my bank! Why won’t you take my card?!”

When a card declines, we usually get a code that tells us why. The code I got was a generic network error code, which usually just means something along the chain of different systems timed out. It happens.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Sometimes the system glitches out. You can put your card in and try—”

Customer: “How dare you?! F****** idiot! I make more money than you can imagine. How dare you refuse my card?!”

Me: “The card machine rejected it, not me, and it was because of a system error. It has nothing to do with how much money was in the bank—”

Customer: “I have plenty of money!”

Me: “I understand. But it was just a network error. If you put your card back in and try again, it should go through—”

The customer started screaming, going on and on about how he’d never been so insulted, how much money he had, and how it was more than an idiot like me could ever hope to make, as well as calling me a stream of names.

I called a manager over and started to explain the error code, but the customer interrupted and yelled that I accused him of having no money. The manager explained exactly what I explained to him: that it was just a network issue. Nobody was accusing him of anything.

My manager tried to convince him to put his card in and try again, but the customer paid in cash instead and stormed out.

A few minutes later, the customer stormed back into the store, marched up to me, and shoved a slip of paper in my face. It was a printed balance slip. The customer had gone out to the cash point (ATM) attached to our store and printed out a balance statement just so he could shove it in my face.

Customer: “See! F****** b****! F*** you!”

Then, he stormed back out grinning smugly.

I’m a waitress at a restaurant, and at the beginning and end of every shift, we have to count a cash register.

I see that [Coworker] has a lot of change and gets through the register surprisingly fast.

Me: “Wow, you count fast.”

Coworker: “What? Oh, yeah, sometimes when I don’t feel like it, I don’t count the change and just guess how much is in there.”

Me: “That… that explains the countless times that the drawer has ended up being short at the beginning and ending of the shifts!”

Coworker: “Oh… You think so?”

We rent out social houses, which means they are meant for people with a low income. Despite popular belief, we are not a rich company, and our CEO does not drive the latest super-expensive car. All the “profit” we make goes back into the houses we build, renovate, etc. I work in customer service.

Me: “Hello, [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you?”

Client: “My sewage was clogged this weekend.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want me to plan a plumber for you?”

Client: “No, I already hired someone. Where can I send the bill?”

Me: “I’m… sorry? Did you talk to our emergency line, and did they tell you to hire someone?”

Client: “No, I never called you. Waiting for the emergency line took too long, so I just looked for someone online.”

Me: “So, you didn’t consult us beforehand? I’m sorry, but we won’t be able to reimburse the bill.”

Client: “What?! But I waited for hours, and no one picked up!”

Me: “My data says the longest waiting time for the emergency weekend line this whole weekend was seven minutes. While I admit that is long, I also see that a lot of people called in, meaning it was busy.”

Client: “But I have sewage insurance with you!”

Me: “I can see that, but that only counts if you contact us and we send the attached company. If you choose to hire someone else, that doesn’t mean we will reimburse you.”

Client: “Why not? You are a big company!”

Me: “We may be big, but we don’t have money laying around. Let me try to explain this differently. If I borrowed your car and I get a flat tire, that would be expensive, right? Well, what if I decide to go to a nearby garage and have the tire replaced and then give the bill to you? And ask you to reimburse me, because it is your car?”

Client: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “I apologize for the example; it was just that. But either way, we can’t reimburse something when we are not contacted beforehand. If you would have made an appointment with us, it would have been free. But instead, you hired someone else, on your own. That voids the insurance you have with us.”

Client: “But this is €1,000!”

That is really a lot. I think someone got scammed…

Me: “I know that is a lot, but again, you never asked us. I can only advise you to call us next time. Perhaps your personal insurance can cover this.”

Client: “I will complain to the Housing Commission about you! You will pay for this!”

Me: “You are free to go to the Housing Commission. If they need any more information, I will write down the time we had this conversation, so the recording can be handed over if they request it.”

Client: “I hope your boss pays you well — selling your soul like that!”

He hung up. I’m sorry, but why should we bleed because you are too impatient to wait?

Client: “Web designer seems like a sweet job.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s great.”

Client: “You probably love it so much that you would do it even if you didn’t get paid!”

Me: “Um…”

Client: “Great! So, I don’t have to pay you?”