There’s A Truly Terrible Place In Hell For People Like This

, , , , , | Learning | May 22, 2021

When I was young, I was pretty well known as a smart kid with a smart mouth. I was also known as the super short girl who always had a book. Luckily, my class was pretty nice — we didn’t have nearly as many bullying problems as other grades — because I would’ve been an extremely easy target. But whenever someone did pick on me, it made my blood boil.

Toward the end of middle school, I was in the last book of a series I’d been reading for several months. A boy I didn’t talk to all that often walked up to where I was reading at my desk.

Boy: “What are you reading?”

Me: “[Book].”

Boy: “Have you read it before?”

Me: “No, this is my first time!”

Boy: “[Favorite Character] dies.”

My little eighth-grade self was ready for murder. Sadly, he was correct, and my favorite character died, but he was later granted his life back. For the rest of the year, I used a cloth cover on all of my library books so the boy wouldn’t be able to spoil them for me again.

1 Thumbs

Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Annoying

, , , , , , | Working | May 17, 2021

I’m picking up a few groceries and a bottle of rum at a packed store. There are three people ahead of me. I’m only twenty-eight and everyone constantly tells me I look half my age. I know that the cashier will need to see my ID; I try to pull out my debit card and license while I’m waiting my turn. Unfortunately, after spending the few minutes I’m in line looking, I discover that I am missing my ID. The line behind me has grown exponentially. I address the cashier as soon as she is finished with the customer ahead of me, in an attempt to not waste anyone’s time.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to pass on the rum; I just realized that I misplaced my ID.”

Cashier: “I need to see your ID for the liquor.”

Me: “I know. I thought I had it, but I can just put it back.”

Cashier: “I do believe you that you’re old enough, but I do need to check, or I can get in trouble.” 

Me: “I know, I just realized after I got in line that I do not have it. I have a bad habit of not putting it back in my wallet after I use it. I do not have a problem coming back for the rum later, after I find it.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but I can not sell you this without seeing your ID.”

Me: “I understand. I can just skip it.”

She has not rung out a single one of my items, and I’m getting frustrated. I realize forgetting my ID is my fault but mistakes happen, and I told her at the beginning of the transaction that I was aware that I would not be able to purchase the rum. I cannot understand why she is trying to argue with me about it. Finally, she picks up the rum after wasting about two minutes asking for my ID.

Cashier: “Since you do not have ID, I’m going to have to put this behind the counter to be put back.”

After placing the bottle behind the counter, she finally starts to ring up my groceries.

Me: “Thanks for putting that back for me. Most likely my ID is in my car, but I didn’t want to hold up the line trying to run out and grab it.”

After only ringing up one item, she stops.

Cashier: “You know you cannot drive without a license.”

Me: “I know you’re not supposed to, but until I got in line, I thought mine was in my wallet. I’m sure it’s in my car or I’ll find it when I get home. It’ll be fine.”

Cashier: “If you get pulled over, you’ll go to jail for driving without a license.”

She has still only rung up one of my items, despite the fact that I have been at the front of the line for several minutes, and I am beyond frustrated.

Me: “I understand. I just realized it was missing after I got in line. I doubt I’m going to get pulled over in the two minutes it will take me to drive home. Can you please just ring me up, so I can go home and find my missing ID?”

Cashier: “Okay, but you can’t drive home without your license. You’ll need to walk or have someone come get you.”

I have given up and just stare at her.

Cashier: “You can’t drive without a license.”

I continue to just stare at her silently. After about thirty seconds of awkward silence, she reaches over and starts ringing up the rest of my groceries. After she finally starts to ring up my groceries, the transaction takes about one minute. I look apologetically at the now extremely long line behind me as I grab my one bag of groceries.

Me: “Thanks, have a great day.”

As I walk away, the cashier, ignoring the man that is next, takes a few steps toward me away from the register.

Cashier: “Don’t forget that you can’t drive home without a license.”

I just rolled my eyes and left the store. She continued to yell about my missing ID as I walked away, still ignoring the man that was in line behind me looking as frustrated as I feel. I got into my car and drove home without incident and found my ID after I got there.

1 Thumbs

Let Me Hamburger Help You With That

, , , , , | Related | May 15, 2021

My mother was old-school; you ate what she served you or you would either sit all night at the table picking at the plate or have it served to you for breakfast the next morning. And no, simply skipping dinner was not an option; you eat it, period!

My most hated meal of hers was liver and onions. The mere scent of it just made me sick to my stomach, and on more than one occasion, I would retch while trying to force it down. One evening, my dear little sister came in from soccer practice to find me at the table, picking at the dish. As she plopped her tired little body on the sofa, I suddenly had an idea.

Me: “[Sister], if I give you my allowance for this week and do all your chores, will you eat this slop?” 

To my surprise, her eyes lit up.

Sister: *Squeaking* “Is that liver and onions? Mmm!”

Then, she proceeded to scarf the plate down like a starved orphan. My mother later entered the kitchen, saw the empty plate in the sink, and immediately began furiously searching the trash can. After coming up empty-handed, she demanded:

Mother: “How did you eat that so fast?!”

Me: *Shrugging* “It wasn’t as bad as I thought, I guess.”

As she walked away with a puzzled look on her face, my sister and I quietly smirked at each other.

Later on, I came home to find my poor sister sitting at the table with tears trickling down her face and taking tiny bites of her meal — Hamburger Helper, which she passionately hates and I love, ironically.

Mother & Father: “Eat!”

They finished their meals and left, leaving my sister alone at the table. She looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes, and she didn’t have to say a word. I gladly scooted over and feasted.

Sister: “You don’t have to eat all of it if you don’t want to… Are you sure? It’s gross… Okay, wow! Thanks!”

And again, when my parents came back later on, they were flabbergasted to find my sister’s plate cleaned and her skipping away as happy as a spring bunny.

For years, my sister and I had that little deal “under the table” — if one of us hated a meal, the other one of us pretended not to like it either and then later ate REALLY good that night. And most puzzlingly, neither one of our parents ever caught on.

1 Thumbs

Georgia On Her Mind

, , , | Right | April 14, 2021

I work at a popular fast food restaurant that usually has $1 large drinks during the summer. Some restaurants across the country will keep this promotion all year, but most usually have it for a few months.

Customer: “I thought the drinks were a dollar.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that promotion has ended. The drinks are full-price again.”

Customer: *Rolls her eyes* “Well, they’re a dollar in Georgia, so charge me a dollar.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sorry. Would you like a different drink?”

Customer:No! I want a dollar large drink! They’re a dollar in Georgia!”

Me: “Our one-dollar summer drink promotion ended, I’m sorry. Do you still want your order?”

Customer: “Not if the drink isn’t a dollar.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I will void your order. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “What? I still want food! God, it’s not hard! Give me a dollar drink like in Georgia, you stupid b****!”

She slams her purse on the counter with every word and screams.

Customer: “They’re. A. Dollar. In. GEORGIA!”

Me: “Ma’am. You’re in Michigan.”

The customer screamed furiously and left.

1 Thumbs

It Takes A Special Kind Of Crazy

, , , , , , | Learning | April 13, 2021

My friend is griping about her government class, which is required for all high schools in the USA. The students at our school are not generally the brightest crayons in the box.

Friend #1: “I don’t see why we have to take government, anyway. Nobody here is gonna go into it.”

Me: “I’m sure there are people both dumb enough and charismatic enough to be politicians.”

Friend #2: “Like me?”

Me: “No. You’re way too much of a good person to be a politician.”

Friend #2: “Aww! Thank you!”

1 Thumbs