How Dare Women Exist In Public?!

, , , , , | Romantic | January 2, 2021

When we are still dating, my husband gets tickets to the local NFL team game. Like all arenas and public venues, the seats are mashed in to make room for as many people as possible. 

During the first half of the game, the man beside me constantly has his leg against mine or elbows me in the breast every time he moves. In a typical male fashion, my husband doesn’t notice and brushes it off.

Husband: “It’s just because it’s close quarters.”

During halftime, I express my frustration with Mr. Gropey next to me and I swap seats with my husband. Within moments, he has a thigh against his and an elbow to his chest.

Well, it seems that gets Mr. Gropey’s attention; apparently, it isn’t as soft as it used to be. When he looks over and sees a beefier man smiling and waving at him where there was a woman before, he suddenly finds a lot more space on the other side of his seat.

Husband: “Huh. You weren’t kidding about him constantly trying to feel you up.”

Me: “Welcome to the life of a woman.”


This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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When Life Doesn’t Give You Lemonade…

, , , , | Right | January 2, 2021

I’m the assistant manager at a popular fast food restaurant. A customer comes in and asks for a lemonade. It’s important to note that we have a self-serve Coca-Cola Freestyle machine in our dining room with Minute Maid lemonade, and behind our service counter, we have a fresh lemonade bubbler that customers can order from. The bubbler lemonade has an upcharge because it is better quality than the Minute Maid lemonade.

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get started for you?”

Older Man: “Your f****** lemonade is out!”

This means that we have none in the store until our truck comes in two days.

Me: “I apologize, sir, but that means I won’t have any lemonade for another couple of days. Our Freestyle machine has over five-thousand different combinations, and you are more than welcome to select a different beverage in our dining room.”

Older Man: “F*** that s***. Give me that lemonade behind you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there is an upcharge for that lemonade. I can certainly pour you a glass if you don’t mind paying the upcharge.”

Older Man: “I am not paying a f****** upcharge because your gay a** doesn’t have my drink. Give the s*** to me for free.”

Me: “I won’t be doing that today, sir. Help yourself to any drinks out there. Have a great day.”

I then walk away and go back to our dish area, out of customer view. As I walk away, all I can hear is:

Older Man: “F*** you, you [homophobic slur]!”

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If That’s All It Takes…

, , , | Right | January 1, 2021

We have an entitled old guy come in who asks for his sandwich “deconstructed,” which means he wants all of the toppings on the side. He’s generally annoying.

He’s arguing with me about getting a free salad dressing. At the end, he says:

Customer: “I don’t want to deal with you anymore. I’ll pay for what I’ve ordered.”

He does, and then:

Customer: *Demanding* “Where’s my cup?”

Me: *Somewhat smugly* “You didn’t order a drink, sir. I can’t give you a cup.”

He sheepishly pays for a cup and then walks off, ignoring me.

He comes in a few weeks later and says:

Customer: “I want someone else to serve me.”

I tell my manager and go to stock stuff. Apparently, I annoyed him enough that I don’t have to take his order anymore, which is okay with me.

A few days later, I’m training someone on the front counter when he comes in again. He points at my trainee and demands that she serve him.

Me: “She doesn’t know the register well enough because I’m training her, so she won’t be taking your order.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll come back later.”

So now, I have a fairly valid excuse for not taking his order. My manager thinks it’s hilarious, as do I. Some coworkers are a bit jealous because they are the ones who have to deal with him.

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We Don’t Want A Pizza That

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2021

My partner and I decide to get pizza for dinner from a chain known for having pizzas always ready for pickup. They also have a “no-contact pickup” system in place for the current health crisis. We place an order online, and my partner goes to pick up the order. A bit after he leaves, he calls me.

Partner: “So, we’re definitely not getting pizza here.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Partner: “Well, for one, the line to pick up is across the parking lot, so it would probably be forty minutes or so before we get our pizza. But beyond that, I looked inside and the person cutting the pizzas isn’t wearing a mask.”

Me: “What the… How can they not be wearing a mask?”

Partner: “I don’t know. But I don’t want to eat anything from here anymore.”

Me: “Me, neither. Well, at least cancel the order, then so we don’t throw our money away.”

He hangs up to call the store and then calls me back a couple of minutes later.

Partner: “So they said the only way we can get a refund is by calling the 1-800 number.”

Me: “Seriously? Well, what did they say about the guy not wearing a mask?”

Partner: “Whoever I talked to said they just got in, and they would look into it.”

I just thought, “Look into it how? Look across your tiny store to the dude not wearing a mask, and then refund our money.”

Me: “Ugh… Okay, fine. It’s not that much money, anyway, but that makes me so mad. All right, see you soon.”

My partner ended up going around a fast food drive-thru to get us dinner. We still had to call corporate so we could get our $15 back. How could someone be working in food service during a global health crisis and not be doing anything to keep customers from getting sick? We’ll be telling everyone we know not to order from that store because we no longer trust them to follow food safety procedures, even after the crisis is over.

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An Unap-peel-ing Punishment

, , , , , , | Working | December 28, 2020

I work as a shift lead at an ice cream shop. We sell banana splits. When making them, we either put on gloves or use the peel to move the banana into place. We are never supposed to touch the banana with our bare hands.

One coworker isn’t the best. On one particular shift, I catch him twice touching the banana with his bare hands. I tell him this after I catch him a third time.

Me: “[Coworker], if I catch you touching the bananas again, I’m going to cut off your fingers.”

I never saw him do that again.

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