Repeat Refill

, , , | | Right | April 29, 2019

(I am a waitress.)

Me: “Okay, here is your dinner for you. It looks like you’re about ready for a refill. I’m going to go grab that, but is there anything else you need?”

Guest: “Yes, I need a refill on my drink.”

Me: “No problem. I’ll go get that for you.” *wonders why I bother speaking as I walk away*

Monkeying Around With Windows

, , , , , | Legal | April 27, 2019

(I’m sitting at my desk at work, typing away, minding my own business, when the phone rings. I pick up the call and hear my very favorite line.)

Caller: “Hello, this is Windows Technical Support. I am calling about a problem with your computer.”

Me: *cue troll-face* “No, you’re not.”

Caller: *pauses* “Yes, ma’am. I am calling because your computer has reported a virus.”

Me: “My computer has gained self-awareness and reported its own problem?!”

Caller: *pauses and I can hear the confusion* “This is Windows Technical Support, ma’am.”

Me: *legs crossed, trying not to pee laughing* “No, it’s not. Do people seriously fall for this anymore? You guys have really got to get honest work.”

Caller: *pauses again* “This is not a scam.”

Me: “Yeah. It really is. I’m not stupid. Have you heard of karma? Because you’re getting a lot of the bad kind right now.”

Caller: *mumbles something under his breath I can’t make out* “Are you mad, ma’am? Are you mad?”

Me: *almost explodes into a giggle-fit* “Yes, actually. I’m mad you keep calling my place of employment and interrupting my day.”

(I’m actually not mad at all. This is my favorite thing ever: to mess with scammers.)

Caller: “You are mad! You are a mad monkey!”

Me: *almost chokes* “I’m sorry, what?”

Caller: “YOU ARE A MAD MONKEY! A MAD MONKEY!” *starts screaming in another language and hangs up*

Me: *dissolves into a five-minute-long laughing fit*

(He honest-to-god called me a mad monkey. I thought I was going to pass out from laughing. That was much more entertaining than the one who called me a stupid b****. God, I hope he or his friends call back soon.)

This Guy Blows

, , , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

I was working the sales floor one day when I was approached by a gentleman wishing to purchase a two-stage snow blower. He explained that he needed something heavy duty because he had a business and had contracted to clean the sidewalks for our city. It’s important to note that we live in a very small town, so it was likely the blower would get much use.

After chatting with him, he settled on a 30-inch, top-of-the-line model. We prepped the unit and he was on his merry way. The “merry” part didn’t last long, however. The following morning he was waiting for me when I came in for my shift. He was furious and explained that he’d had problems with his “defective” blower. I asked what was wrong and he told me the “feet” on it were defective.

Each blower has a pair of plastic, or metal — as on this guy’s blower — feet that the snow-catching part of the blower rides on. The intention is both to set the blower to the desired ride height, but mostly as a sacrificial wear item so the actual blower isn’t getting ground away. In my entire career selling and maintaining these blowers, I’d never seen feet worn down more than an inch or two at the most.

When this guy showed me what had just yesterday been a brand-new, top-of-the-line blower, I was speechless. The auger looked as if it’d been chewing cinder blocks, and the discharge chute was full of dents and bends. The most perplexing part: both feet were ground off completely, along with the bottom two inches of metal of the bottom of the blower. Imagine this thing having been dragged on a giant cheese grater for several miles and you get the idea.

The customer insisted he’d only been using it for “light sidewalk cleaning” in town and claimed the damage had been as a result of “defective equipment.”

To make a long story short, I tried to uphold company policy regarding returns on equipment that was obviously abused and not being used for its intended purpose, but he threw a fit and I had to get the store manager involved. He eventually caved and the guy got a replacement blower.

The following morning, you guessed it, he was back and the replacement blower looked the same as the first. This time, the manager stood his ground and wouldn’t let the guy have another one. The man threatened to get our corporate office involved and get us “shut down” but quick thinking on the manager’s part — a call to the office to warn them of the impending call — prevented any further shenanigans.

To this day, I still can’t fathom what the guy must have been doing with that poor blower… dragging it behind his truck?

Unfiltered Story #147738

, , , | Unfiltered | April 23, 2019

I’m a cashier at a big chain store in our town, and this day, I’m ‘babysitting’ the self checkouts. I’m standing there, watching the machines. We have one down and two that are card only at the time, and I usually try to catch customers before they start, and tell them, even though the machine states it clearly before the transaction starts. Being card only, the machines can’t give cash back. A lady comes up, and I watch her start scanning her items. She’s been there for maybe three minutes when my machine beeps an error. I walk over and swipe my badge on the one she’s using. Her: “I don’t know what happened, I’ve been calling for help for the last five minutes!” I try not to roll my eyes at this because if she had called me for help on the system, my machine would have told me, and she obviously hadn’t said anything. Me: “Well, this machine is card only, so it won’t take cash or give it back.”
I correct the problem with the press of a button.
Her: “Well, I think someone should have told me before I started checking out.” Everything I’ve said has been in a flat, even, emotionless voice. I was pregnant at the time and my thoughts were on my break and food. Me: “It says it before you start. You have to press the Yes button to continue…” She mumbles something and storms off with her items. I call after her: “Have a nice day!” Ten minutes later I see her walking away from the Customer Service desk. She had only bought some jerky, so I know she wasn’t making a return! I still don’t know if she was trying to get me written up.

Unfiltered Story #147146

, , , | Unfiltered | April 17, 2019

(One of my regulars comes up to the counter.)
Regular: I have a present for you, from one customer service representative to another!
(She hands me a bracelet made from colorful beads that says “fucked” in the middle. I had been having a rough night, and she made it better.)

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