At Least He Didn’t Say “I”

, , , , | Learning | September 11, 2020

My high school US history class has an abnormally high population of dim bulbs, much to the frustration of our teacher. We’re playing a trivia game.

Teacher: “What is the capital of Iran?”

Guy: *With complete confidence* “IRAQ!”

For a second, the teacher just stares at this guy, along with most of the other more intelligent people in the room.

Teacher: “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.”

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Unfiltered Story #207924

, , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2020

(My phone rings, it’s a customer)

Customer: (a girl probably around 10-13) “Do you have any gel glue?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve not heard of that before what is it used for?” (I feel like that’s a normal thing but I’ve never stocked any glue that was gel.)

Customer: (screams like a banshee)

Me: “… I’m sorry, you said gel glue?”

Customer: “yeah?” (Screams again like a banshee and then hangs up)

(I look at the phone like “what just happened” and remind myself that it is a full moon tonight.)

Surcharged With Anger

, , , | Right | September 7, 2020

I work in an office taking orders for medical equipment. Our brochures advertise free shipping with a note that a fuel surcharge may apply.

Me: “Okay, sir, we will be covering the shipping. However, [Courier Service] has a fuel surcharge in place, so there is a one-time fee of $8.”

Caller: “But it says free shipping; this is fraud!”

Me: “It is an additional charge the courier has put in place.”

Caller: “I am a lawyer! And this is fraud! You will waive this fee immediately! If you don’t, I will sue! You’ll have a huge lawsuit and I will bankrupt you!”

Me: “Sir, only the owner has the authorization to waive the fee and he is not in the office at the moment. I only enforce the policies he puts in place and he has said to charge the courier’s fuel surcharge.”

Caller: “Well, you have been misled, missy! I deal with [Courier Service] every day for my job and they have never charged for fuel!”

Me: “Sir, may I ask, what kind of lawyer has to ship through [Courier Service] every day?”

Caller: “Uh… never mind. I’ll pay the d*** $8.” *Hangs up*

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Was Not Their Light Bulb Moment

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2020

I’ve just been shopping with my mother, and I bought a replacement for a broken taillight. I decide to fix it in the parking lot. An employee comes out to gather carts and approaches me.

Employee: “Hey, you okay? Need any help?”

Me: “Nah, thanks, I got it. Just replacing the bulb.”

Employee: “Cool. You know, not many women know how to do that.”

Me: *Chuckling* “Don’t let me fool you. I didn’t know until a few weeks ago when I had my boyfriend show me.”

Employee: *Grins* “Well, hey, at least you made the effort to learn! Have a good day!”

He walks off to get his carts, and a pickup truck pulls into the space next to me. A guy in his twenties gets out and sees me.

Guy: “You need some help figuring that out?”

Me: “Nope, thanks, I’m almost done.”

Guy: *Scoffs* “There’s no way you know what you’re doing; let me do it for you.”

Me: “I said no, thank you. I am almost done. I know exactly what I’m doing; it’s a simple bulb replacement.”

Guy: “Simple or not, women don’t know how to do it. Now let me do it so you stop wasting everyone’s time!”

Me: “Sorry, man, but you’re the only one wasting time. Leave me alone, and we’ll all be happier.”

He rolls his eyes and comes up to my car, and I warn him to stay away from me. He gets closer and tries to snatch the pliers from my hands, so I smack his hand with them. By this time, the cart employee is returning with his carts and comes over.

Employee: “Everything okay here?”

Guy: “No, it isn’t! This little b**** just assaulted me for trying to help her!”

Me: “Quit your whining; it was barely a tap. Maybe next time you’ll leave a complete stranger alone when they tell you to go away.”

I turn to the employee.

Me: “We’re fine here, as long as Mister Misogyny here goes away and stops trying to take my tools.”

Employee: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave her alone, or I’ll call security.” 

Guy: “Go ahead, call them! I’m telling you, this f****** little whore assaulted me for no reason!”

In the end, we had to go in so security could look at the tapes. The man called the cops himself. He practically got laughed off the premises, and he got a warning to leave people alone when they don’t want help. The whole time, he kept insisting that he did nothing wrong, because “women can’t fix cars!”

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Prom-pted To Do Good

, , , , , | Right | September 7, 2020

I go out to an Italian restaurant with a big group of friends before our senior prom. We are going the low-budget route where we carpool in our moms’ minivans and most of us are wearing homemade dresses. We do each other’s hair and makeup at my house before we go out, and we are dressed to the nines. 

We order our food, and our waitress skillfully manages the dozen of us with little trouble. We enjoy our meal and ask our superb waitress for the check.

Waitress: “Oh, that table over there already paid it in full! You’re all set!”

Us: “Wait, what?!

Waitress: “You don’t know them? I just assumed they were your parents or something.”

Us:No! Oh my gosh! Thank you!

People At The Other Table: “Enjoy your prom! You all look so lovely!”

We were practically crying and so excited. The total had to have been over $200. We left our waitress a big tip anyway, just because.

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