D***, What A Prude

, , , , , | Learning | February 21, 2021

I work as a substitute teacher. One day, I’m working in a fifth-grade classroom — the students are about ten years old — and it’s story time. Their teacher has been reading a book out loud, and I’m supposed to read the next chapter to the class.

The book is a young adult novel, with a few swear words here and there. For example, a character says, “D***, that was close,” after escaping a bad situation.

The first time I get to a swear word, I pause and ask the kids if they are okay hearing swear words as part of the story. The kids agree that they’re okay with it, so I continue reading, swear words and all.

A few days later, I’m subbing at the same school but for a different teacher. The teacher I subbed for earlier storms up to me before school begins.

Teacher: “Why did you teach my students swear words?”

Me: “Um… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t teach them any swear words.”

Teacher: “My students said that you swore during story time.”

Me: “Oh, that? I was only reading the story. I even asked the kids if they were okay with me reading the swear words, and they said they were.”

Teacher: “Well, they’re not okay with it! I never use swear words with my students. I make up silly words when I read to them.”

Me: “You never said anything in your lesson plans about that, so I didn’t know.”

Teacher: “They’re fifth-graders! They’re too young to hear swearing. I shouldn’t need to write it in my lesson plans!”

Me: “Mrs. [Teacher], with all due respect, the kids said they were okay with hearing swear words, and they knew what every one of those words meant. I understand that they’re not learning those words from you, but they’re learning them somewhere.”

Teacher: “Then they lied to you! Fifth-graders are too young to know swear words. Now you ruined everything because the kids asked me why I don’t swear when I read the story.”

Me: “Okay. I’m sorry for misunderstanding, and if I sub for you again, I’ll make sure not to swear when I read a story to the kids. I’ll use words like dang or shoot, instead, and—”

Teacher:No! That’s no good, because it’s too close to actual swearing! You have to make up random silly words like dibbydabby or swizzlesticks!”

The bell rang to start for class just then, so I just turned and walked away from her. I never did get called to sub for her class again, so I really hope her students are doing okay.

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Making A Stand Over Candy

, , , | Right | February 15, 2021

I work in an assisted living facility. A woman comes into the front lobby and asks for our director. She’s expecting her for an interview.

Me: “I will let [Director] know you’re here.”

The woman keeps standing over my desk, staring at me.

Me: “You’re welcome to have a seat.”

Woman: “No, thank you.”

She continues to stand there, hovering.

Me: “Okay…”

I call the director to let her know her interview is here and then continue my typing work. She is still standing there.

Woman: “Is that for everybody?”

She points to candy on my desk that is partially hidden by the taller part of my desk and phone.

Me: “No… that’s my coworker’s.”

The woman gives me a suspicious look.

Woman: “Okay.”

Me: “I can’t just hand it out.”

Woman: “Fine.”

She crossed her arms and pouted. My boss came out and they went off for the interview. The candy was mine, by the way, not a random coworker’s. But who does that?! Lurking over a reception desk, not taking a seat when it’s offered, and trying to pilfer someone’s candy that’s obviously hidden on their desk…

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The Last Payment Is A Tax On Those Who Do Not Listen

, , , , , | Right | February 9, 2021

I work at a debt collection agency. As part of the process, we send letters, including when an account is paid in full.

Debtor: “Yeah, I received a letter from you but this account is already paid!”

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look.”

Debtor: “This is utterly ridiculous; this account is paid!”

Me: “Okay, I do show the account is paid, as well, and we did send a letter to notify you of that on [day]. What’s the date on that letter?” 

Debtor: “[Same day].”

Me: “All right, so that’s the letter we sent for your records so you know the account has been marked paid. You’re all set with us!”

Debtor: “But the account is paid! Why did I get another letter?!”

Me: *Facepalm*

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Taco Hell

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2021

I work for a Mexican-wannabe fast food chain. This chain has had the same menu for YEARS and has only once tried branching out into non-traditional items, but that was back in the late 1980s.

I greet a customer in the drive-thru over the headset.

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m good, thank you.”

Me: “That’s good. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need three orders of large fries and a chocolate ice cream.”

Me: “We actually won’t be carrying the fries again for a couple of months, and we don’t serve ice cream here.”

Customer: “I just got ice cream from here two days ago. You do have ice cream; I know you do.”

Me: “Sir, I’ve worked here for twenty years now, and not once have we ever carried ice cream. We have fruit-flavored frozen drinks but not ice cream.”

Customer: “You f****** idiot! I got it from here two days ago! And you have not been here for twenty years, as I worked here two years ago and no idiot like you ever worked here!”

Me: “Sir, if you swear at me again, I will ask you to leave. Are you possibly thinking of [Popular Fast Food Chain known for fries and shakes] that is next door to us?”

Customer: “I will f****** do what I want as I am the one who pays your wages! Give me what I want now or I will call the police!”

The general manager has been listening.

General Manager: “Then do that, sir. Please call the police.”

The customer leaves the drive-thru and comes inside, where he proceeds to call the police in front of us.

Customer: “These a**holes are not serving me because they are racist motherf*****s and they are saying they don’t have ice cream!”

There’s a pause.

Customer: “BECAUSE THEY ARE RACISTS! They are telling me they don’t have fries and ice cream! What [Popular Fast Food Chain known for fries and shakes] doesn’t carry fries?”

Another employee speaks up.

Employee: “Sir, this is [Mexican Wannabe Chain].”

Customer: “F***!”

He stormed out, screaming in another language.

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That’s How The Cookie Infuriatingly Crumbles

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2021

I work at a fast food restaurant and I deal with my fair share of rude and wacky customers. But recently, I dealt with this customer that comes through the drive-thru almost every single day. She has already ordered her food and is back for cookies.

Customer: *Immediately as she pulls up to the speaker* “HELLOOOOOOO?!”

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

She orders cookies.

Me: “All right, your total will be $1.06 at the first window.”

Customer: “MAKE SURE THEY’RE FRESH!”

She pulls up to my window and hands me eighty cents.

Me: “It was $1.06 and you gave me eighty cents.”

Customer: “No, I gave you $1.06. I counted!”

I then proceed to pick up the change she handed me and count it right in front of her, proving she only handed me eighty cents.

Customer: “Well, that’s all I have.”

I normally would let this slide because it’s just twenty-six cents she’s missing, but she’s noteworthy for being extremely rude, and she is yelling at me, so I hand her money back.

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t sell food unless you have the money to pay for it. Have a good day.”

She then pulled up to the second window and pretended she had paid for her cookies. My coworker was unaware that she hadn’t paid for them, so she gave her the cookies… and the woman got away with free cookies.

The next time I see this woman come through the drive-thru again, I’m gonna ask my manager if I should ask the woman for the $1.06 she still owes for the stolen cookies, as I could get in trouble because of her.

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