Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Don’t Get All Agitato, My Guy

, , , , , , , | Friendly | April 26, 2022

I’m sitting in the library working on my summary notes for a music extension class, preparing for a viva voce — a kind of oral exam — tomorrow. My best friend comes up behind me and starts reading over my shoulder.

Best Friend: “Why are half your notes in Italian?”

Me: “…I’m actually secretly multilingual and never told you.”

Best Friend: “O… kay… Not gonna lie, I’m a little hurt.”

Me: “My guy, it’s music stuff.”

Best Friend: “OH!”

What Is WRONG With People?!

, , , , | Working | April 21, 2022

I work in a library. For several years, our “Sunshine Committee” organized a Secret Valentine’s program. February was usually grim and gray; we were all getting some cabin fever and getting on each other’s nerves, so we actually looked forward to a little bit of fun in the miserable midwinter.

Those participating drew names. The idea was that you could, for the seven days preceding Valentine’s Day, gift your Valentine with little remembrances, like a chocolate bar here, a note pad with funny sayings there… or maybe you just found a book on the shelf that your coworker might like, and you left it on the desk with a note.

Or you could wait until the last day and do one big fun presentation. There was also a small social tea so that gifters could identify themselves. It was fun, and people got super creative to stay within the (very generous for the time) ten-dollar budget.

People got very clever with gifts. One person walked in to find a display made up entirely of books whose titles featured his first name. Another had a special day announced during which people were encouraged to give her a smile. It was fun and it boosted spirits.

So, naturally, someone had to ruin it all.

Things began to go downhill in the fourth year of the event.

First, a young page who was participating for the first time got stiffed by her Valentine who had been leaving notes hinting at a big surprise at the end. And the big surprise was that… there was no surprise. Nothing. The kid was crushed, so the staff in her department quickly put together a “surprise” out of whatever they had received and whatever a few could find at the pharmacy across the street.

A female department head received a silk nightie, along with a collection of massage oils and, um, lubricants. And it was clear that the nightie had been worn at least once, as it gave off the unmistakable aroma of perfume and Eau de body sweat. She was too embarrassed to complain, but one of her employees went to the Sunshine Committee and suggested they put some kind of rules about the genre of gift to be given.

The next year, someone still refused to listen to the “no gifts that might be perceived as harassment” regulation. Another female employee received a type of panty usually gifted to a bride at a shower, body oils, and a hotel room key. Given that the key came from a hotel in a city where a certain oddball staff member had been staying for a week, everyone was pretty sure who was responsible, but the committee didn’t pursue it.

The next year, there was another more explicit description of what not to give. They thought they had covered all the bases, but they were wrong.

Another department head received a huge hanging plant, which was nice. But the item that came with it gave everyone pause: a framed picture of a bleeding human heart with the caption, “I’d kill for you.”

And thus ended a practice that had previously been nothing more than a fun way to bond with each other during a cold winter month. There is always someone out there looking to spoil what was meant to be a way to spread a little sunshine in dark places.

Some People Will Prick Anything To Be Offended About

, , | Right | April 18, 2022

I work in a library. One of my assistants is very crafty, so I let her do the bulletin board displays in the teen center. A few days after she puts a new board up, an older gentleman comes up to me at the reference desk, flustered and clearly angry.

Patron: “I need to speak to a manager!”

Me: “That would be me; I’m in charge of reference. How can I help you?”

Patron: “That board in the teen center is obscene! How could you allow something so filthy to be put up?! Especially in a library!”

I haven’t had a chance to look at her new boards yet, so I get up and walk over there with the angry man trailing along behind, spewing righteous indignation about the decay of morals, etc.

I look at the board and almost laugh: my assistant has put up cut-outs of various forms of cacti along with the words, “I hope you pricked a good book!”. While some of the cacti do look mildly phallic, I know my assistant didn’t mean it and honestly, I find the whole thing very funny. I put on my best game face, though, and turn back to the angry patron.

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what the issue is? Because you could prick yourself on the needles from the cactus?”

Patron: *Bright red* “Oh, I, uh… That’s not how I saw it…”

Me: “Well, how did you see it? Can you explain why it’s offensive?”

Patron: *Muttering* “Never mind.”

He shuffled away. I had a good laugh about it, but a few days later, another patron complained for the same reason so I asked my assistant to take it down. She was confused until I explained it to her, and then she was completely mortified. She told me it wasn’t intentional, and I assured her that I knew that. It really was a cute bulletin board, though.

The Contrarian Ex-Librarian

, , , , , | Right | April 15, 2022

I worked in audio-visual services in a public library for over thirty years. As a result, many customers have become familiar with me and will seek me out for assistance. Although I retired a couple of years ago, I still make the occasional trip into my old place of employment to see staff I know and look at the new materials available for checkout.

I am browsing the new movies display when I am approached by someone who recognizes me as an employee, though I do not recognize her.

Patron: “Hey! Hey, you! Can you help me find this movie? You know, the one with the nun. Vera Farmiga is in it.” 

Me: “Sorry, not familiar with that one. Go to the person at the desk over there, and since you have the name of the actress, I bet that person can find it and pull it off the shelf for you.”

Patron: “No, you can do it since you work here.”

Me: “Well, I don’t work here now; I retired a couple of years ago. And I’m not personally familiar with your actress’s work. I can help you find the title over at one of the public terminals.”

Patron: “No, since you work here, you can look it up and pull it off the shelf for me. Don’t be lazy.”

Me: “I don’t work here, and I don’t have to help you. In fact, please do your own work and stop bothering me.”

Patron: “I want your supervisor. Now!”

Me: “Too bad, God isn’t taking calls right now.”

I walked off, and the last thing I saw from the corner of my eye was the woman haranguing the audio-visual staff person and waving her hands around in my general direction while the staff person was shrugging her shoulders.

Related:
The Contrarian Librarian: The DVD
The Contrarian Librarian Runs Out Of Time
The Contrarian Librarian: The Childhood Years
Softening Of The Contrarian Librarian
The Contrarian Librarian: Looking For Work

A Crafty Grandmother, Part 2

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2022

I work in a library. We set up an arts and crafts table during school breaks, and people have been inconsiderate.

Wise of past mistakes, we have a sign up asking that people who use the arts and crafts table clean up after themselves when they leave. People do not know how to read signs, so at closing time, we go around to remind them

A small child and their grandmother are sitting at the arts and crafts table at closing time, so I go up to them to warn them that the library will be closing soon.

Me: “Hello, we close in five minutes, so it’s time to start to clean up the table so it’ll be nice and tidy for the children who come by tomorrow. You can put the supplies back in the marked boxes over there.”

Child: “Noooo! I’m not finished yet. Can we stay a little longer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we who work here want to go home to our families, too. You can come back and finish tomorrow.”

Grandmother: “No, we won’t have time to come back tomorrow. We have other activities planned for the rest of the holidays and then he has to go back home.”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you grab the things you need to finish your project and take them home with you? You can grab a few stickers and some glitter and coloured paper if you want. Just clean up after yourselves after you leave, please.”

They agreed to do so, and I left to get the rest of the place in order for closing. When I got back to the information desk, I asked my coworker if everyone had left and she confirmed that they had. I did another round just to make sure and arrived at the arts and crafts table.

It had been picked completely clean. All the coloured pencils, the glitter glue, the crepe paper, the scissors, the sticker sheets, and the pipe cleaners meant for our visitors to use were gone.

Congratulations, Granny, for your creative interpretation of “grab the things you need to finish your project”. Thanks to you, the next day, the kids had to make do with mostly just plain copy paper and pencils until we could get more supplies in.

Related:
A Crafty Grandmother