The Magical Kingdom Of Death

| SC, USA | Working | January 25, 2016

(I have just begun training to fill a part time position at the local library, and I’m filling in for someone in the back room. As I’m checking in returned books, the following conversation takes place.)

Librarian #1: “Hey, where’s [Librarian #2]?”

Librarian #3: “She left early, remember? Said she didn’t want to get to Florida at 3:00 in the morning.”

Librarian #1: “Oh, yeah. Hey, isn’t she going to Disney?”

Librarian #3: “Yep. She told me she found a hotel for only 35$ a night.”

Librarian #1: “WHAT?!”

Librarian #4: “WHAT?!”

Random Coworker: *pops head into room* “WHAT?!”

Librarian #1: “Doesn’t she realize how creepy and fishy that is? Nobody rents rooms for that cheap!”

Librarian #4: “This is how murder mysteries start!”

Librarian #3: “I know! I told her that. She said she wasn’t passing it up because it was her last day of Spring Break. I said, ‘No, it’s your last day alive!’ But she went anyway.”

Making A Donner Kebab

| USA | Working | January 18, 2016

(I like to make book displays focusing on particular historical moments. I decided my current display would be on the Donner party. They’re infamously known as the group who resorted to cannibalism after getting lost on the Oregon Trail.)

Me: *to my coworker* “My new display is going to be about the Donner Party, so I have a few books on the Oregon Trail and pioneers. Do you have any suggestions for what else I could put up?”

Coworker: “Cookbooks.”

Found The Book But Lost The Irony

| AR, USA | Right | January 13, 2016

(I work at my local library as a library assistant.)

Patron: “I accidentally turned in a book that belongs to [Other Library].”

Me: “Sure, what’s the book title?”

Patron:I Am Responsible.”

Me: *staring a patron in complete silence*

(I find the book, and the great irony is that it’s a child’s book.)

Me: “…Have a good day, ma’am.”

Patron: “Thanks. You, too.”

Diarrhea Of A Wimpy Kid

| ID, USA | Right | December 28, 2015

(We get quite a few kids at our library, which we encourage as it promotes literacy. Unfortunately, that does mean we get some unusual requests for books, and it doesn’t help that sometimes younger kids don’t pronounce things very well. Case in point…)

Kid: “Do you have any diarrhea books?”

Me: “…What?”

Kid: “Diarrhea books!”

Kid’s Mom: “He means Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.”

Me: “Oh, phew, good. The only ‘diarrhea’ book I know of is Everybody Poops. But Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are this way…”

Do You Tree What I Tree?

| ID, USA | Right | December 24, 2015

(Every year during the Christmas season our library hosts what we call the “Mitten Tree.” It works a little like the Salvation Army trees: you take a mitten from the tree, on which is written a gift to purchase for a person/family in need, “Toy for eight-year-old boy” or “pajama pants for adult woman size 14,” for example, and then bring the (wrapped) gift back and it goes to the person/family assigned. We put the tree up the week before Thanksgiving because some people like to get their Mitten Tree gifts during Black Friday. The Monday before Thanksgiving, we’re closing up the library for the evening when a couple starts banging on the door.)

Coworker: *opens the sliding doors* “I’m sorry; we’re closed for the night. We open again at 10 am tomorrow.”

Man: “But we wanted to get mittens from the Mitten Tree! Can we just come in and look?”

Coworker: “Um… sure, I don’t think that will be a problem.” *opens the door*

(The couple browsed through the tree while the rest of us went about shutting off computers, checking doors, and otherwise preparing to close. The woman stops my co-worker again.)

Woman: “Is there a limit to how many mittens we can take?”

Coworker: “Nope, you take as many as you’re comfortable with.”

Woman: “Okay, can we just clear the tree, then?”

(I look up from my work to see that, yes, they’ve taken almost every remaining mitten from the tree. Wow! We have generous patrons but I have NEVER seen that much generosity from one couple before. I stuck my head in the library director’s office to let her know what was going on, and she went out to personally thank the couple before they left.)

Me: “That was sweet.”

Coworker: “That was awesome.”

Director: *blinking back tears* “Do they know how to make a grown lady cry or what?”

(Less than two weeks later, the couple returned with their wrapped gifts, sixteen in all. Thank you, you two, for making Christmas wonderful for a family in need this year! You’re an inspiration.)

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