Nice Knowing You

, , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(We have a regular library patron who always asks for help researching his book, which is on a topic we all think is rather silly. He never says ‘thank you,’ and he treats the female librarians like dirt, but he likes our boss because he is a man and recently had a book published.)

Patron: “Is Mr. [Boss] in today?”

Me: “I’m sorry; he’s on vacation for a few weeks. Is there something I can help you with?”

Patron: “No, I need Mr. [Boss]. I’m almost finished with my book, and I need him to introduce me to his publisher.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not a service the library provides.”

Patron: “I know that, but I thought he might do it to be nice.”

Me: “I’m afraid you don’t know Mr. [Boss] very well. He’s really not that nice.”

(When my boss got back from vacation and I told him this story, he thanked me profusely for saving him from the patron.)

Unfiltered Story #94407

, , | Unfiltered | September 24, 2017

(I’m working the reference desk of a small branch library. So small, in fact, that it’s just the one room crammed full with shelves. An older gentleman I have never seen before comes in and approaches me.)

Patron: Hello, I’m looking for some books.

Me: Sure, which ones can I help you find?

Patron: No, I mean in general. Do you have books here?

Me: Umm… (I make a sweeping motion with my hand, indicating the shelves around us, very clearly full of books.) Yes. This is a library. Books are what we have.

Patron: Great! Now I know.

(He immediately exits again and I haven’t seen him since.)

Should Have Done Your Due-Diligence

, , , | Working | September 13, 2017

(I’m working the front desk at our local library, with a coworker backing me up. We still use due-date stickers on our books, and sometimes we find these stickers in unusual places.)

Coworker: “Hey, you’ve got a sticker on your foot.”

Me: *looks down to see a due-date sticker on my shoe* “Whoops.” *pulls it off, laughing* “According to this, I’m due tomorrow.”

Coworker: *shocked look* “WHAT?!”

Me: “Um… the due-date sticker? It says I’m due tomorrow.”

Coworker: “Oh! I thought you were talking about some kid saying you must be due tomorrow!”

Me: “Oh… well, I’m not pregnant.”

Coworker #2: *walking out of the back at that moment* “WHAT? Who thinks you’re pregnant?”

Me: “Why does everyone suddenly think I’m pregnant? It’s DUE-DATE, as in books! I’m not THAT fat!”

(For some reason this entire exchange made both of them crack up. All over a due-date sticker…)

Running With That Lie

, , , , , | Right | September 11, 2017

(I’m working near the reference desk, when some teens come running in. Three different coworkers spot them and tell them to stop running. They don’t listen. The youth librarian steps in.)

Youth Librarian: “Hey, come over here.”

Teen #1: “I wasn’t running!”

Youth Librarian: “Look, you can stay in here, but be quiet and stop running.”

Teen #1: “But I wasn’t running!”

Teen #2: “Yeah, none of us were.”

Youth Librarian: “Okay, that’s it. You’re banned for the night. You do this again, you’re banned for a week. You keep it up, and I will ban you for a month. GET OUT.”

(The teens leave, still insisting they weren’t running.)

Me: “Did they just say they weren’t running when literally everyone in the room saw them running?”

Coworker: “Yeah. Yeah they did…”

Turn Up The Volume On Their Self-Awareness

, , , , | Learning | September 4, 2017

(The small college library I work in has a strict no-phones policy for students; i.e., devices on silent and no voice calls. Unfortunately, we have to remind students about it on an almost daily basis. On this particular occasion, a woman is working on a computer and takes a call on her mobile. I go across to her.)

Me: “Excuse me; you’ll have to take your call outside.”

Student: “Oh, sorry!” *into the phone* “I’m in the library, I’ll just have to go outside…”

(She leaves, but as the library doors and walls are entirely of glass, and she stands in the hall just outside the door to hold her conversation, everybody inside the library can hear her side of it, and it’s clearly a call about a job opening. After a five-minute discussion, she comes back in and calls over to the desk where I’m working:)

Student: “Sorry about that!”

(She then returns to her seat, but soon comes up to my desk.)

Student: “Excuse me, but the students sitting near me are talking and making so much noise that I can’t concentrate.”

Me: *stunned at her brass neck and lack of self-awareness*

Student: “If you could just tell them to be quiet, or ask them to leave…”

Me: “I’ll certainly ask them to be quiet if I hear them making any noise, but I can’t ask them to leave.”

(The students in question were being quiet at that point, although I eventually did need to speak to them, but I couldn’t get over the gall of the woman after having disturbed the entire library with her phone call!)

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