The Nobel Prize for literature has just been announced. As always, the moment the name has left the permanent secretary’s lips, I’m looking through our catalog to see if we have any books in and, if not, if there are any I can order.

Twenty minutes later at the information desk:

Patron: “I want everything you have by [Nobel Prize winner]!

Me: “We only have one title in our collection, and it’s already been checked out. I’ve ordered the rest, but it’s probably going to take a little while. The publisher has to print new editions. I can put them on hold for you, though!”

Patron: “Why don’t you have more? It’s the Nobel winner; you ought to know people will want to read his books.”

Me: “We just found out who it is this year, just like you. It’s not like they send us the books in advance.”

Patron: “Why not?”

Every. Single. Year.

Our manager is a very fair but stern “school ma’am” kind of woman. A patron walks up to her and points to the toilets.

Patron: “Are those the toilets?”

Manager: “Yes, as clearly stated on the sign you’re pointing to.”

Patron: “Which one is the women’s?”

Manager: “The one that says ‘women’ on it.”

Patron: “Oh, well, it’s locked.”

Manager: “What does that mean at home?”

Patron: “…someone is in it?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Patron: *Walking up to the toilet door.* “So…?”

Manager: “…so stop shaking the door handle. It’s rude to the person using it.”

Patron: *Disappointed.* “…oh.”

They waited about a minute, and the person using it came out.

Patron: “Can I use it now?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Patron: “Thank you!” *Rushes inside.*

Manager: *To me.* “When she’s done with the toilet, check it. I don’t think she knows up from down…”

I work in an academic library. I am overhearing my manager’s side of the conversation with one of our regular patrons.

Manager: “Yes, that is correct, we’ve rescinded your right to eat food in the library.”

Pause.

Manager: “Because this is an academic library, and we do not allow food. You got special permission to bring in a snack for health reasons related to blood sugar monitoring.”

Pause.

Manager: “That was provided that you didn’t leave things messy. We repeatedly had to remind you to clean up your wrappers and clean away your crumbs, which you failed to do.”

Pause.

Manager: “If you started that habit, we might have something to discuss, but you know as well as I do that the ban became necessary after my staff noticed the full-blown slow cooker plugged into power sockets on the study desk reserved for laptops.”

Pause.

Manager: “Yes, sir, give an inch and the mile stretches on. Good day.”

I’m currently borrowing a manga series at my local library. That morning, I checked on their website to see if the next one was available. Lucky me, it was on the site! I have the possibility to put a reservation on it, but considering I was a fifteen-minute walk away, I didn’t bother.

I go straight to the library, looking for the book by reference, and nope. I found others in the series, so I knew I was in the right place. I looked for a few minutes, including behind the other books, but there was no success.

I went to the librarian and explained my situation, gave him the title and reference of the book

He came searching with me, no success, looked at that computer to be sure it was not lent in the meantime (it would have been fair). Nope. No success.

I was ready to say to him, “That’s okay, it’s not as if you can summon it from thin air”, when he asked me to wait for him, while he went to the backroom reserve.

Two minutes later, the librarian was back with my book.

That’s how this librarian went into the secret room in the back to produce the item from thin air, just for me.

I almost answered back, “You should not do things like that; it gives people ideas!”

At least I didn’t ask for a “book with a blue cover, or maybe red”. Now I almost wish I had to test their superpowers.

I work at an academic library attached to a university. Due to an issue with a software update, a scheduling glitch has occurred, and two people are scheduled for the same study table at the same time.

When they both arrive (pretty much both of them right on time) my coworker explains the situation and apologises. They both seem to understand and agree to share one side of the table each (they’re large enough for this, but only just).

About half an hour later, I’m walking past, and I can see the same coworker staring intently at the study tables.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “Keeping an eye on those two sharing the table. They’re both convinced they can make the other one leave.”

Me: “How so?”

Coworker: “They’re both too polite to ask the other to leave, but it’s obvious they’re trying to make the other uncomfortable. See how they’re both gradually stacking textbooks to assert dominance.”

Me: “You’re a student at the university here too, right? What are you studying?”

Coworker: “Anthropology. Why?”