What Happens When You Kill Spider-Man’s Dog

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work in a library. A patron approaches the counter with a DVD.)

Patron: “Is this Spider-Man?”

Me: “No, that’s a movie called Spiderwick.”

Patron: “Oh… Well, my son wanted Spider-Man; do you think this will be all right?”

Me: “Well, it’s a completely different movie, so I couldn’t tell.”

Patron: “Yeah, well… it has spiders in it, at the very least. Also, it says I can have the movie for a week, but would it be okay if I return it tomorrow, instead?”

Me: “Well, sure.”

A Knee-Jerk Reaction

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(To reduce strain on my back, I often kneel down while reshelving books on the lowest shelves in the library. Whilst I am doing so, a woman — who must be in her 60s or 70s — has been browsing the fiction section, and she walks past me.)

Elderly Woman: “The best place to be is on your knees.”

(I don’t know if it was a poor choice of words, or if she’d actually intended it for it to sound like it sounded, but either way I was left at a loss for words at her remark; my colleagues, on the other hand, had a good laugh.)

Me Too, Too Many Times

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 1, 2018

(I am in the library to scan some documents for evidence that I have been harassed. A man enters before me to use the copier. We exchange greetings. He then goes into a long monologue about printing information about a painting he has that is supposedly worth millions of dollars. Of course, the insurance doesn’t want to insure it for that, but they’re missing out. He then starts into some random conspiracy theory. At this point, I am using the other copier trying to ignore him and focus on my scanning. No eye contact, no grunts or uh-huhs. At this point, the only word I’ve said to him is, “hi.” He doesn’t get the hint. Eventually, I have to tell him that I just want to get my scanning done in peace. When I get home, I have this conversation with my other half, who is male.)

Me: “I swear that I must have some mark on my forehead that just attracts all the nutters. I’m in the library to get stuff for nut job one, when I’m then involved in a conversation with a second nut job.” *explains what happened*

Other Half: “He was just trying to have a conversation. This is how you make friends.”

Me: “No. As a woman, this is how you get assaulted. This is not how you make friends.”

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Libraries Fighting Ignorance: Needed Now More Than Ever

, , , | Right | June 30, 2018

(I work at a public library. I’ve experienced many dumb people and a ton of stupid questions. I worry about the future of our world sometimes. While libraries aren’t as popular as they used to be, most people know how a library works. Not this time. A patron walks up to me at the circulation desk with a few books. I assume she wants to check them out, so I kindly ask for her library card.)

Patron: “What’s that? Why do I need that?!”

Me: “In order to check out books you’ll have to have a card. The books you check out will be put on your account; that way we know who has them and when they are due back.”

Patron: “That is stupid. So, I have to have a library card to check out some books?”

Me: “Yes, you have to have a library card in order to check out library books.”

(Not a hard concept. I guess common sense is lacking in today’s society.)

Their Confusion Is An Open Book

, , , , | Right | June 29, 2018

(I work at a public library and this is what I have to put up with. It happens a lot more often than you’d think. I don’t expect young children to understand how a library works, but you’d think a pre-teen would have some knowledge of library procedures.)

13-Year-Old Patron: “Are the books free?”

Me: “Well, you have to check them out with your library card. If they’re late or you lose them, then you’ll have a fine. But otherwise, they are free to borrow.”

13-Year-Old Patron: *looks extremely confused* “So… I can have it?”

Me: “The book belongs to the library, but you may check it out and return it on the due date.”

(He put the books back and walked out without saying anything. These are our future leaders, people.)

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