Your Story Can’t Hold Water (Damage)

, , , , , , | Right | November 9, 2017

(A water-damaged junior book has been returned via the overnight returns. I call the customer to let them know about the charges, but they wish to come in the next day to inspect the book. The book is still wet and smells strongly of chlorine. The next day the father comes in with the daughter and asks to see the book. I go and get it and he looks it over. The book is still damp.)

Father: “I just cannot see her doing this to a book. She must have borrowed it like this.”

Me: “It is extremely unlikely that we had a book on our shelves that was wet. In addition, for it to stay wet for the whole four weeks that you had it out would be very strange.”

Father: “She gets A’s; she’s a good student. Sweetheart, tell the librarian about your spelling tests.”

Girl: “I always get 100%.”

Me: “That’s really great; however, the book was returned water-damaged—”

Father: “Sweetheart, you tell the librarian that you didn’t do this.”

Girl: “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Me: “Did it happen by accident?”

Girl: “It was in my swimming bag and I kind of put my wet bathers on top, but I forgot it was in there.”

Me: “Sometimes accidents like this happen.”

Father: “No, you didn’t, sweetheart; you wouldn’t do that.”

Girl: “I did, though.”

Father: “Well, what is the charge?”

Me: “$12.50.”

Father: “That’s outrageous; I could get this book for $1!”

Me: “If you can source a brand new copy of this book for $1, then by all means, we can accept that instead of payment.”

Father: “You just wait. $1!”

(That was a month ago. I’m still waiting.)

No Offense, But Sexism

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I’m a female and work in a large computer lab with two other employees, both male. Although most patrons have no problem with me helping them, I have run into situations where patrons refuse my help outright and ask for a male employee.)

Patron: “Can I get some help, please?”

Me: “Sure.”

Patron: “Uh… No offense. I’d feel better if [Male Employee] helped me. It’s just that he looks smarter.”

Me: “Uh… Offense taken.”

(The kicker is he was using a program that I often use, and neither one of my male coworkers knows how to use it very well.)

Unfiltered Story #98717

, , , | Unfiltered | October 25, 2017

My youngest first cousin is about three and a half. I take my sons to visit my aunt and uncle just after the family returned from Myrtle Beach. My cousin comes running up to greet us happily yelling, “I’ve got crabs!”

While my cousin shows the boys her new pets, my aunt and I are in another room trying to stifle our laughter.

Thirty years later, the same cousin and I are at the library for story time. Someone mentioned crabs and I couldn’t help grinning at [cousin.]

She muttered “Don’t you dare!” to warn me not to tell the story.


Only Has An Outline For Online

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work in a library.)

Patron: “Which website do I go to for [topic]?”

(I suggest some sites.)

Patron: “I can’t find the website.”

Me: “Well, you have to type it in.”

Patron: “Where?”

Me: “In the address bar.”

Patron: “Where’s that?”

(I walk over to help him.)

Me: “Okay, first, you have to get online.”

Weeding Out The Junkies

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(For a future program, we’re having a conversation about medical marijuana being sold in our state. We have the program advertised on the bulletin board when this happens. A woman sees the advertisement, and then begins screaming across the lobby at us.)


Us: “No, it’s a conversation!”


Us: “It’s a conversation about selling weed!”

(The woman comes to the front desk.)

Us: “You got excited, didn’t you?”

Woman: “Yeah…”

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