I’m standing behind the register at a candy store, keeping an eye on the store, when a man storms in and heads right for me.

Customer: “You hit my son!”

Me: “What?!”

Customer: “You hit my son!“

Me: “Did not.”

Customer: “Don’t lie!”

Me: “When did this even happen?”

Customer: “Two hours ago!”

Me: “Two hours?! Why didn’t you say anything two hours ago, then?!”

Customer: “I wasn’t here! My wife saw you hit our son!”

I spend the next few minutes doing my best to express that his claim is utter bulls*** without actually using the word “bulls***.” Just as I’m preparing to call the manager to ask how I can check the store’s security footage, the man abruptly gives up, but not before putting in one parting shot.

Customer: “Do you have any kids?”

Me: “No. I’m too young.”

Customer: “OBVIOUSLY!”

He stormed out, and that’s the last I ever heard from him. I can only guess that he was trying to scam candy or money out of us, but I don’t know how he thought he could accomplish that by accusing an employee of assaulting a minor.

I am a manager at an escape room. Our refund policy is that you get $0 back if you try to refund day-of, since buying spots blocks out other potential customers. The phone rings.

Male Caller: “Hello, I have a reservation tonight. I paid full price, but I found this [coupon] and I want you to refund me so that I can buy the [coupon], instead.”

I recite our refund policy.

Male Caller: “Oh, okay.” *Hangs up*

The phone rings again a minute later.

Female Caller: “Hi, my husband just called, and I was wondering why you won’t refund us.”

I recite our refund policy again.

Female Caller: “Well, I would like to speak to a manager about this.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the manager here.”

Female Caller: “Then don’t you have the power to refund us?”

Me: “I do, but I would get in trouble with the owners if I did that.”

Female Caller: “Can we reschedule, then?”

Me: “Absolutely. I can reschedule you for any other day at no cost.”

Female Caller: “So, after I reschedule, I can get a full refund?”

Me: “Ma’am, don’t try to get around this. If you wanted the [coupon] price, either buy one or ask for that rate before you pay full price for a game.”

Female Caller: “I didn’t pay for it! My husband did!”

Me: “Then he should have looked into the [coupon] before making the purchase.”

Female Caller: “This is very bad customer service.”

Me: “Bad service because I won’t risk my job for you? Ma’am, it is obvious you’re trying to scam us.”

She hung up. She later wrote a one-star review saying that I was incredibly rude and unhelpful to her and that our other many five-star reviews were fake without even coming to play the game they paid for.

(I am working the late shift at a pizza delivery place when a customer asks to speak to the manager.)

Customer: “I had an order earlier today delivered to the [Inn] and it was completely wrong.”

Me: “Okay, not a problem. Would you know the order number? It will be listed on a tag that will be on your box.”

Customer: “No, I was so furious that it was wrong that I just threw the boxes away.”

Me: “Okay, then I will just look up the address.”

(We have had no deliveries to the [Inn] all day.)

Me: “Huh, that’s weird. It seems we don’t even have any orders for there at all for the whole day. Well, maybe if I can figure out who your driver was, we can go from there. Do you remember what he looked like?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh, he was kind of tall with brown hair.”

Me: “Okay, okay. Well, some of our drivers have different colored shirts. Do you remember what color shirt he was wearing?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was a mostly blue shirt that said [Chain] pizza with red and black on the shoulders and sleeves.”

Me: “You know, that’s so weird because none of our drivers wear a blue shirt. In fact, we don’t even have a uniform shirt like that, and most of our drivers wear black. Strange.”

Customer: “You know what? I’ll, uh… I’ll just call back later.”

My friend is moving to a new state, and since my house is midway between his new and old house, I offer to let him stay the night while driving through with the stuff he is moving. My friend is on his laptop in my living room when a call comes in, but I happen to overhear part of it while he walks past me heading to my guest room.

Friend: “Oh, okay, sure. I must have it out in my car somewhere. But my car is full of stuff for the move so it would take me a long time to find it…”

My friend trails off as he enters the guest room. He shows back up a few seconds later, sans phone, and goes back to his laptop in the living room

Me: “What happened to your phone?”

Friend: “Plugged it in to charge; it turns out it was almost dead.”

Me: “Your call ended that fast?”

Friend: “I sure hope not.”

Me: “Huh?”

Friend: “It can take an awfully long time to hunt down a tiny card in such a full car, you know.”

Me: “So, are you going to your car to look for something?”

Friend: “Definitely not. It’s not like I need to find the card, anyway; I memorized my social security number back in high school.”

He is clearly enjoying my confusion, but finally, he apparently decides to let me in on the joke.

Friend: “That call was obviously a scammer. Once I figured that out, I promised him I’d dig up my social security card in my car to give to him.”

Me: “Why would you do that?”

Friend: “Because I stressed that it would take a long time to find due to the move. I’m curious how long I can get him to wait for me to ‘search my car’ before he gives up.”

Me: “You put your scammer on hold?”

Friend: “Pretty much. I figure every second he wastes waiting for me is time he isn’t scamming someone else out of their money.”

In the end, my friend went back twice with “wrong” identification, acting confused and promising to go back out to his car to find the right card each time the scammer told him it wasn’t his social. After the second time, he ran out of believable ways to screw up finding the card, so he just left the scammer on hold indefinitely after the second time. He never bothered to check how long the scammer waited after the second visit, but I imagine my friend wasted at least twenty minutes of the guy’s time with the ruse.

(I work for a well-known novelty store. Customers call the store to complain to the managers after their “horrible store experience.” We even get calls an hour after we open in the morning claiming they were just in ten minutes ago, even though no one has been in yet. We also have a manager who has issues with all the other females she works with so she never believes us.)

Manager: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [Manager]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *loud enough for me to hear while I am ringing up a customer* “I was just in five minutes ago and the employee in the tie-dye shirt was following me around the back of the store like a stalker! I wasn’t stealing! She was so close I could feel her breath on me! I want her written up!”

(I am thinking to myself that I’ve been at the front of the store my whole shift because it’s where I was assigned. Besides the customer I am ringing up, we haven’t had a customer in the store in for over an hour, so I’m not sure what they were talking about.)

Manager: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I will speak to her and correct her!” *sets down the phone and has a smug smile on her face* “[My Name], you can’t follow customers around the store like that! You will be written up or let go if I get any more calls!”

(She is only an assistant manager and can’t fire me.)

Me: “I was in the front the whole time greeting. You were assigned to the back.” 

Manager: *getting angry with me now* “The customer wouldn’t lie!” 

(I just dropped it and finished my shift. This happened quite a few times; sometimes I answered the phone when the complaints were made and it seemed to be the same voice every time. The complaints always seemed to be about me or the other two female sales associates but never anyone else. When I eventually became a manager and my manager left, the complaints about the female employees decreased.)