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Sweet Lies

, , , | Right | April 16, 2020

I’m standing behind the register at a candy store, keeping an eye on the store, when a man storms in and heads right for me.

Customer: “You hit my son!”

Me: “What?!”

Customer: “You hit my son!

Me: “Did not.”

Customer: “Don’t lie!”

Me: “When did this even happen?”

Customer: “Two hours ago!”

Me: “Two hours?! Why didn’t you say anything two hours ago, then?!”

Customer: “I wasn’t here! My wife saw you hit our son!”

I spend the next few minutes doing my best to express that his claim is utter bulls*** without actually using the word “bulls***.” Just as I’m preparing to call the manager to ask how I can check the store’s security footage, the man abruptly gives up, but not before putting in one parting shot.

Customer: “Do you have any kids?”

Me: “No. I’m too young.”

Customer: “OBVIOUSLY!”

He stormed out, and that’s the last I ever heard from him. I can only guess that he was trying to scam candy or money out of us, but I don’t know how he thought he could accomplish that by accusing an employee of assaulting a minor.

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