Unfiltered Story #157506

, , | | Unfiltered | July 8, 2019

(The phone rings and I answer it.)
Me: Good evening. This is [my name] with [office name]. How may I help you?
Caller: What? Who is this?
Me: [Office name].
Caller: Who?!
Me: [Office name]. My name is [name].
Caller: What do y’all do?!
Me: We’re a counseling office…
(Note that ‘counseling’ is part of our name.)
Caller: Well, why’d y’all call me?!
Me: Uh, you called us, ma’am.
Caller: *snotty* I know that! But I had a missed call from this number!
Me: *thinking, “how am I supposed to know that if you don’t say so?”* Well, uh…did someone leave a message with their name?
Caller: *irritated* I don’t know how to check my messages.
Me: I’m afraid there are about a dozen people who could have called you, ma’am, and I have no way of knowing who it was.
Caller: *getting even more irate* Well, can you FIND OUT?!
Me: I, uh…may I have your name please, so I can ask around?
Caller: *doesn’t answer*
Me: Well, when was the call missed? *figuring I can narrow down who might have called her based on who didn’t have clients when this woman got the call*
Caller: I don’t know! Just find out who called me!
Me: Were you maybe expecting a call–
Caller: Wait, do you have a [lead counselor’s name] there?
Me: Yes, yes we do.
Caller: Oh. It might have been her.
Me: Okay, may I say who’s calling?
Caller: *finally gives me her name*
(I give the call to the counselor, who fortunately isn’t in session, and try to figure out how I was supposed to find who called her without any information to go on.)

Unfiltered Story #155538

, , | | Unfiltered | June 25, 2019

Girl: Crazy Bird! Look mom, it’s Crazy Bird! Crazy Bird! Mom, Mom, look, it’s Crazy Bird!
I assume she means Angry Birds. Then I get to thinking that we don’t have any Angry Birds merchandise over there. That is where we keep our college sports teams merchandise. I go to look where she is pointing. She is referring to the University of Kansas Jayhawks.
This story is probably a lot funnier if your from Kansas.

Unfiltered Story #155113

, , | | Unfiltered | June 20, 2019

(Because we’re listed as a resource for various companies in the area, we get a lot of people assuming that we’re actually PART of their company. That leads to a lot of calls like this:)

Me: *answering the phone* Good morning/afternoon, [Counseling office], this is [my name]. How may I help you?

Caller: Yeah, hi. I need help with [company/HR related thing, usually regarding medical leave, time off, or disability], and *launches into long spiel about what’s going on*.

Me: *finally managing to cut in* I’m sorry, but we’re not part of your company. We can provide you with counseling, but your issue sounds like something you’ll need to bring up with your human resources department.

Caller: Oh. Well, can you transfer me to them?

Me: No, I’m sorry. We’re not part of your company, so I have no way of doing that.

Caller: Give me their number, then.

Me: I’m afraid I don’t have the number. We are in no way associated with your employer.

(But the most amusing was the out of town call I got a few days ago…I don’t even know where this guy got our number.)

Me: Good evening, [Counseling office], this is–

Caller: I need help.

Me: Certainly, sir. What is it you need help with?

Caller: Well, you know our log in? I can’t get in and I need help resetting my password.

Me: I…uh, sir, we’re a counseling office.

Caller: I work for [out of state company].

Me: We’re a counseling office. In Kansas. I can’t reset your password for you.

Caller: Oh. Who would I talk to about that?

Me: I would suggest your IT department.

Caller: Okay, thanks! I’ll wait while you transfer me.

Me: I…can’t do that. We’re not part of your employer.

Caller: Then I’ll just call them. What’s their number?

Me: I don’t know, sir. We don’t work for your employer; perhaps you can check with a supervisor or co-worker?

Caller: I guess so. *hangs up*

No Means No Means No

, , , , | | Right | June 17, 2019

(The cell phone company I work for has two call centers, so if a customer calls in repeatedly, they’ll have a high chance of speaking to the same person over and over.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Company]! My name is [My Name]! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “You can fix my f****** bill.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’ve got an issue with your bill. I’ll be happy to look it over with you.” *verifies the account and quickly scans the bill while reading the notes* “Well, sir, I see you have $500 in international calls to Jamaica.”

Customer: “F*** that. I want you to adjust the charges so they’re the same rate as my landline carrier or my [Cellular Competitor] phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the rates are correct, as I have it noted here that we told you the per-minute rate before you called Jamaica. We also have them listed on our website.”

Customer: “F***** lies! You will credit me!”

Me: “I cannot do that, sir. We’ve told you the same thing the seven other times you called in today, and each time you escalated, the supervisor has also said the same.”

Customer: “Get me your supervisor!”

Me: “I’d be happy to, but I would like to point out my supervisor is [Supervisor] and I see you spoke to her twice already. I can guarantee you she is not going to change her mind in the space of fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “I don’t give a d***. Get me your supervisor now!

Me: “Okay, then. Thank you for holding.” *puts the customer on hold and stands to flag my supervisor down, with a giant grin* “Hey, [Supervisor], do you remember [Customer]?”

Supervisor: “Did you tell him I’d say no?!”

Me: “Yep. He still wants to escalate.”

Supervisor: *gets her headset* “Send that idiot through.”

(I found out later the customer was banned from calling in.)

A One-Hour Photo Finish

, , , , , | | Right | June 16, 2019

(I work at a “members-only” warehouse club, and our company places the membership and returns desk near the exit, not the entrance. I work at the one-hour photo lab that sits where new members expect customer service counters to be. We are busy and have a line.)

Customer: “I need to return these pants.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, this is the photo lab; if you go back out to the entrance and in through the exit door, the folks at the membership counter will be happy to help you with that.”

Customer: “What the h***?! I just waited in line for like ten minutes, and when I get to the front you tell me I have to go somewhere else?!”

(My supervisor stops what she is doing and drifts over to the counter, prepared to offer backup.)

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry, sir. We cannot process returns here at the photo lab. All returns are handled by the staff at the membership desk.”

Customer: “Why did they put the d*** photo counter by the door?”

Me: “So you can drop off your order as you begin shopping and have it ready by the time you’re done.”

Customer: “Pretty d***ed stupid if you ask me. They should at least put up a sign!”

(As if it had been rehearsed, my supervisor and I look at each other for a moment of disbelief, then back up and behind us at the three-foot-tall letters spelling out “ONE-HOUR PHOTO,” and then back at the customer.)

Customer: “You know what? F*** you.” *storms off*

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