Stephenie Meyer Wrote This One

, , , , , | Working | April 12, 2018

(A friend and I are at the checkout line in a department store. The cashier at the till adjacent to ours interrupts our conversation and starts talking to me.)

Cashier: “You! You! Hey, you! Yeah, you! What’s wrong with you?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Cashier: “What’s wrong with you?”

Me: *wondering when that ever worked as clarification* “Nothing’s wrong with me.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but what’s wrong with your complexion?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Cashier: “You look like you’re paler than you’re supposed to be. Do you know what sun is?”

Me: “I have an interesting combination of genetics that somehow makes me immune to sunlight. I neither burn, nor tan, and no matter how long I am outside, I will not get darker.”

Cashier: “Oh, so, you’re a vampire.”

(I don’t think that means what you think it means.)


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Peppered With Emotion

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(I work the front desk at a hotel that offers complimentary shuttle service to local areas. Guests call the front desk when they are ready to be picked up.)

Caller: “I need the shuttle to pick up us.”

Me: “No problem. Where are you guys?”

Caller: “We’re outside Joe’s.”

(There is no business nearby called “Joe’s,” or even anything close to that.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say, ‘Joe’s’?”

Caller: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “I apologize, but there isn’t anything close by called ‘Joe’s.’ Could it be something else, or are you possibly dialing the wrong hotel?”

Caller: *suddenly irate* “What the f***?! NO! Your shuttle dropped us off here at Joe’s Peppers less than an hour ago! I demand you pick us up!”

Me: *finally clicks* “Did you say, ‘Joe’s Peppers’? You mean, ‘Jose Peppers’?”

Caller: *silence for a few seconds then starts laughing maniacally* “I called it the wrong thing! Yes! Jose Peppers.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, no problem. The shuttle will be there for you in about ten minutes.” *hangs up*

Me: *to shuttle driver* “You have a pick-up. Careful, though; she’s a bit of an emotional rollercoaster!”

I’ll Just Literally Leave You To It

, , , , | Working | April 5, 2018

(I work in a big box store in the clothing department. I am also cashier trained. The fitting room attendant asks me if I would cover her lunch break at 7:30. A few minutes before 7:30, I decide to use the restroom up front before I take over for her. As I am walking up front to the restroom, I am stopped by a cashier. This cashier has a customer standing there with her items on the belt.)

Cashier: “Are you here to take over for me? It’s time for me to go home.”

Me: “No, I’m just going to the bathroom.”

Cashier: “Can you take over for me? It’s time for me to go home.”

Me: “Just enter [code that summons a manager].”

Cashier: “I don’t want to make the customer wait.”

(I’m thinking, “Then don’t make her wait; ring her up while you waiting for a manager,” but I don’t want to argue in front of the customer.)

Cashier: “Can you take over for me? Are you cashier trained?”

Me: “Yes, but—”

Cashier: “But what? It’s time for me to go home. I don’t want to make this customer wait.”

(After a while of him arguing that it is time for him to go home, and the customer not getting rung up, I eventually agree to take over for him, because I want the customer to be taken care of. After he leaves, I call over a manager, and explain to her what happened.)

Manager: “So, he just left?”

Me: “Yep.”

(While I was explaining to the manager, the customer kept apologizing. We kept assuring her that she was completely not at fault.)

Not Getting The Tall And The Short Of It

, , , | Right | March 16, 2018

(I am helping a customer shop for pantyhose.)

Customer: “I don’t know what size I am.”

(I take a package and show her the size chart on the back.)

Me: “It’s based on your height and weight. How much do you weigh?”

Customer: “[Number] pounds.”

Me: “Okay, based on your weight, you should get [size].”

Customer: “But I’m not six feet tall.”

(The customer points to the height next to the weight. I point to where it says 4’11” next to 6′.)

Customer: “But I’m not 4’11”, either.”

Me: *inwardly face-palming* “It means it fits people between 4’11” and 6′. This is the size you need. This should fit you.”

Unfiltered Story #107357

, | Unfiltered | March 14, 2018

I’m in a coffee shop, behind a woman and her daughter. She gives her order without incident, enunciating her name clearly at least twice, but the barista still can’t hear it right, so he gives the “I can’t hear that” code of “Will you spell that for me?” The lady does so, and spells her name clearly, which is Karen. The barista still doesn’t seem to get it, but assures her the drinks will be right out.

Karen and her daughter walk over to a table, happily chatting. They’re the only two women in this entire store, there aren’t even any women working at the time.

Barista: Carlotta! *then, in screeching cat mode* Caaaarrrrrrloottttaaa-aaa! We have your first coffee-eeee!
Karen: *looks around the shop full of men, and shrugs* Hmm. Wonder who that is.
Daughter: Uhm… the barista’s looking right at us, mom.
Barista: Carlottaaaa-aaa! Your second <complicated drink> latte! Carlotta! *looks directly at Karen again*
Karen: *walks up*
Barista: Yep, here’s your drinks, ma’am.
Karen: *takes the cups* That’s a weird fuckin’ way to say Karen, man, but thanks.

On their way out…

Daughter: So, how many have been added to the list this week?
Karen: Too many. Between that, and various receptionists, at least five!

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