Unfiltered Story #119065

, | Unfiltered | August 29, 2018

(The second most common kind of calls I get are variations of this one, which come about because a lot of employers in the area give out contact information for counseling offices covered by the offered health insurance to their employees, so said employees seem to think that we’re part of their company.)

Me: Good morning/afternoon, [counseling office]. This is [my name], how may I help you?

Caller: Yeah, hi. I’m [name] and I’m having [issue] and I need [thing done that only their employer, often specifically the HR department, can handle].

Me: You’ll have to speak with your employer about that, I’m afraid. We’re just a counseling office.

(At this point, the call will often go one of two ways. This way:)

Caller: But I got your number in this packet I got from work.

Me: I understand that, but we only provide counseling. What you’re asking for is something that only your employer can handle, and we are in no way affiliated with them.

Caller: Well, who do I talk to then?

Me: I don’t know, sir/ma’am. We aren’t affiliated with your company so we don’t have that information. We’re basically just a therapy office.

Caller: Well, what am I supposed to do, then?! You’re no help!

(Or the call may go this way:)

Caller: I already called HR and they aren’t being very helpful.

Me: I’m afraid there’s nothing we can really do here; we have no affiliation with your company or their HR department. All we can do is offer you counseling.

Caller: I don’t NEED counseling. I need help with [issue].

Me: I’m really sorry, but we can’t help you with that. That sounds like something your HR department would have to handle.

Caller: Well, they won’t help me! *rants for several minutes* And I just don’t know what to do. What do I do?

Me: I really wouldn’t know, sir/ma’am. That’s outside the scope of anything we do here.

(And this is the point they either hang up in anger, cuss me out, or keep me on the line for several more minutes ranting about how useless their HR department is.)

The Whole Nine Yards Extra

, , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(I am working the fitting room at a large store when a customer comes up to me. He has a thick accent, so I’m not exactly sure what he’s saying at first. He shows me some fabric that he had cut and the ticket that was printed off with a barcode to go with it.)

Customer: “It’s too much.”

Me: *looking at the ticket* “That’s the price for that many yards.”

Customer: “One yard!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I see that you got ten yards, and that is the price per yard.”

Customer: “One yard!”

(This repeats a couple of times until I figure out what exactly he is saying.)

Me: “Oh, you only got one yard?”

Customer: “Yes, only one yard.”

Me: “I see what happened. They accidentally typed in ten yards instead of one yard. If you go back to the fabric table, he can make you up a new ticket.”

Customer: “It’s too much! I only got one yard! Can’t you make me up a new ticket here?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t do it here. Just go back to the fabric table and have them print you up a new ticket.” *into my walkie* “Can I get customer assistance to the fabric table?”

Associate #1: *over the walkie* “I’m here right now.”

Me: *to customer* “Okay, he can make you up a new ticket.”

Customer: “Can’t I just take it up like this to the register?”

Me: “If you do, you’ll be charged for ten yards. If you just go back to the fabric table, he can print you up a new ticket.”

(The customer slams it down on the cart I have at the fitting room.)

Customer: “I don’t want it!”

(The customer then storms away.)

Associate #2: *standing next to me the whole time* “Well, that was rude.”

The Seasons Are Passing By Swimmingly

, , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(This occurs in mid-June.)

Caller: “I’m looking for [certain swimming pool].”

Me: “Okay, one moment.”

(I then ask over the walkie-talkie if we have any of those pools left, and am told that we don’t.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out.”

Caller: “Do you know when you’ll be getting any more in?”

Me: “Probably not until next summer.”

Caller: “Next summer?! But why?! Summer’s just getting started!”

Me: “Well, the retail season is one ahead of the actual season, so summer is almost over, and they’ll be sending us fall stuff soon.”

Caller: “Summer’s not almost over! It’s just getting started!”

Me: “The retail season is one ahead of the actual season, so retail summer is almost over.”

Caller: “That’s stupid! You people are ridiculous!” *click*

Unfiltered Story #119022

, , | Unfiltered | August 24, 2018

Me: [Company name], this is [My Name], how can I help you?

Customer: Yeah I am looking to buy some products you sell

Me: Certainly. What company are you with?

Customer: Oh I am just a licensed individual.

Me: Oh well, unfortunately, we only sell to businesses in the food and grain industry. I would recommend you try contacting [Other pest control company] or the manufacturer.

Customer: Why should I have to do that if I am licensed? [Pest Control Company] is my competitor, why should I buy from them?

Me: Uh…well, I’m really sorry, but we do not sell to individuals.

Customer: Fine, well you should know that I am a US-licenced auditor for places like the ones you service. And I will make sure to do a real good job in the future.

Me: (…what? Was that supposed to magically make me able to sell to him? How would he even know the locations we service?)

An Ex-planation

, , , , , | Romantic | August 22, 2018

(My wife is pregnant, and at about ten pm on a very rainy day she decides she really wants some ice cream, but we’re out at the moment. So, I brave the rain and head to the base mini-mart to bring her some. After getting the ice cream, I go to the cashier to pay.)

Cashier #1: “Late night craving?”

Me: “Pregnant wife had a craving.”

Cashier #1: “That’s so sweet. My ex would never have done that for me.”

Cashier #2: “Maybe that’s why he’s your ex.”

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