Let’s Hope His Brother Isn’t A Doctor

, , , , , | | Healthy | May 20, 2019

(My nana takes me to my doctor for the first time in a couple of years. The doctor is Indian, with an Indian accent and an Indian surname that starts with “Mu.”)

Nana: “Thank you, Dr. Mufasa! Oh…”

(Luckily, the doctor thought it was hilarious, and we joked that she must get that a lot from kids since she’s also a pediatrician.)

Don’t Fall Short Of The Manager’s Standards

, , , , , | Working | May 7, 2019

(My department manager is known for saying outrageous things. I have a coworker that is very tall — 6’8”.)

Department Manager: “Hey, [Tall Coworker], can you reach that for me?”

Tall Coworker: “Sure.”

Department Manager: “[Tall Coworker] knows I just want him for his body.”

Trying To Clear Through All The False Vegetation

, , , , | | Right | May 7, 2019

Customer: *ordering pizza* “I have to ask a special favor. We are vegetarians. We want a veggie-only pizza, but we want you to make sure that the cooks do not contaminate our pizza with any bits of meat. We are vegetarians! I know what the ingredient table is like back there; it’s too easy for stray bits to get mixed in. I want you to tell the cooks to be careful! We are vegetarians!”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I will make the pizza myself, so I’ll make sure it has no meat.”

Customer: *now back to calm* “Thank you. And for our second pizza, we want pepperoni with extra cheese.”

Time To Tell Them The Hard, Black Truth, Part 2

, , , , , | | Right | May 6, 2019

(I work as a server.)

Me: “For drinks, we have [brown soda], diet [brown soda], and [popular citrus-based soda]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Aww, don’t you have [popular lemon-lime soda]? Or something without caffeine? I can’t have caffeine!”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t; everything has caffeine.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just have iced tea, then.”

Me: “…”

Time To Tell Them The Hard, Black Truth

What A Peanut Butter Nutter

, , , , , , | | Related | May 1, 2019

(I am detailing a weird dream I had on my Facebook page.)

Aunt: “Did you eat peanut butter before bed?”

Me: “No, lol.”

Aunt: “Oh, Nana always said that peanut butter caused nightmares.”

Dad: “She also said that the shiny side of tin foil was poison.”

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