I was the operations manager (basically, the store manager when my boss was away) for an office supply store that went into liquidation. It was a pretty awful time; I really did love my job and most of our customers, and I loved working on both the ops side (new product and inventory) and print services. Plus, we were that rare place that had many long-time employees and had pretty awesome customer service. We all took the liquidation hard because the store might have been old and run down… but it was home.

I could fill pages with the bad customers, sure, but I think the good ones deserve a real highlight, especially the ones who helped us make the closing that much easier. I wound up being the manager in charge of everything at the end, so I was in the thick of everything… but these were the wonderful people who helped me make it through.

[Customer #1] was a local business owner.

Customer #1: “Oh, no, I’m so sorry you’re closing. Does anyone need a good reference? Here’s my name and number; they can call for me any time.

[Customers #2 – #7] were other larger local business owners.

Customers #2 – #7: “Here, let everyone know we’re hiring; we will find a place for whoever needs a job, especially [Employee #1] and [Employee #2].”

These were our two longest-serving employees, and both had severe mental and physical health issues, so they were the two we were all most worried about. [Employee #1] is joyfully employed with one of these customers now, with full benefits and retirement.

[Customer #8], a retired teacher, bought our ENTIRE remaining laptop stock for teachers in her district, and services before we shut down services. This was a $5,000+ order and made our jobs easier because we didn’t have to trash any tech.

[Customer #9], a current teacher, bought 90% of our teaching supply stock, shocking our liquidator to speechlessness, and then came back and bought our notebooks out, too.

The general customers were amazingly sweet with lots of donations and rewards sign-ups so we still kept our numbers up, and they were kind to all of us through a really harsh time.

Bad customers always seem to be the ones everyone remembers, but here’s to the good ones out there; we do remember you, and you are so deeply appreciated. I wish you all the best, and if any of you are reading this, know that you made some pretty dark days bright again. Keep on shining!

I teach a number of dual credit classes where students from my local high schools will come on campus to take college courses. This used to be upperclassmen only, but this semester they opened it up to sophomores so I now have students as young as fifteen.

Me: “Do any of you know who Malcolm X was?”

Fifteen-Year-Old Student: “Isn’t he the guy who started X?” *Twitter.*

It took all of my willpower not to tell them that Abraham Lincoln invented the luxury car and that’s why there’s a brand named after him.

I am interviewing for a job at a large furniture store for a customer service job.

Customer Service Manager: “So, do you have any questions for me?”

Me: “Well, since this is a customer service position, what are your customers like?”

Customer Service Manager: *Smiles* “You have time for a story?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Customer Service Manager: “We had a customer who returned everything he bought. He was always dissatisfied with the product and the service. Delivery was bad, the product wasn’t good, the sales staff was rude, the checkout was too long, and on and on.”

Me: “And was it?”

Customer Service Manager: “You’ve seen our place. This is not a poorly run or shabby organization. It is hundreds of thousands of feet of showroom and runs very professionally. We’re sat in the middle of a cornfield in Kansas. People travel from states around to shop here.”

Me: “Fair point!”

Customer Service Manager: “So, anyhoo, I fired that customer mid-rant on his last visit. I thanked him for his input. I gave him his money back and I told him he was fired.”

Me: “You can fire a customer?!”

Customer Service Manager: “You betcha! I believe the exact words I used were: ‘It’s obvious that our company and our products are not up to your standards. We appreciate the opportunity you gave us, but we obviously can’t meet your needs. Please leave and do not ever come back.'”

That story almost convinced me to take the job. I went to work on the customer pick-up dock instead. When asked why, I explained to them:

Me: “I would rather be on the dock helping happy people load their new toys in their trucks than in customer service trying to satisfy unhappy people returning stuff.”

Back in the days of dial-up internet, I get this call.

Caller: “My Internet ain’t working!”

I check, and he’s getting every dial-up connection error imaginable. There are even a couple of errors that I (a tier-three call center representative taking overflow calls) haven’t even dealt with before.

In our job, we’re trained to ask about noises in the background. As we are checking that the cable is, in fact, plugged into the phone jack, I hear an engine in the background.

Me: “Is someone mowing the lawn nearby?”

Caller: “No, that’s my generator. A tornado came through last night and tore off the back half of my house. I wanna email my folks and let ‘em know I’m okay.”

I mute. I sigh. I unmute.

Me: “Sir, you’re calling on your cell phone, right?”

Caller: “Ayuh.”

Me: “Forgive me for asking, but why don’t you just call them?”

Caller: “Well, gosh, I hadn’t thought of that! You technical guys are smart! Bye!”

Growing up, we held onto the same two vacuums. Granted, my mom was a single parent of two kids after my parents divorced. However, she would refuse to get any kind of job, even part-time, and would get personalized items and go out to eat frequently; this is why I don’t feel bad in saying she could’ve afforded to get us new ones. My mom had us in her early thirties, so she already had the degrees and experience needed to land a decent job.

These two vacuums were toted house to house as we moved and were easily at least five years old. Those years didn’t fare well to the vacuums. Their suction was extremely weak — if it was there at all. All that using them would accomplish was moving the carpet fibers around. Nothing got picked up.

But Mom decided that it was our fault that the carpets weren’t clean. I even tried to sweep the crud out of the carpet and onto the tile floor with some success, but that wasn’t enough to convince Mom that the vacuums were the nonfunctional ones. 

At some point, after the umpteenth house that the vacuums couldn’t clean, Mom borrowed a vacuum from a friend and rented out a carpet cleaner. For the first time since we moved in — a few years at that point — the carpets were clean and things were actually getting sucked up. But when Mom returned the items, she went back to blaming us for the dirty carpets.

I moved out to a house I was renting from Mom and had to keep the vacuums with me. (The rental agreement is a whole other issue, and I deeply regret agreeing to that now, but that’s a different story.) After four years of renting from Mom, I only got to throw out the dreaded vacuums when I got kicked out and was able to get my own.

I am now no-contact with Mom, so I hope she has her own non-working vacuum and no one else to blame.