I’m working at a kayak rental hut by a quiet lake. A family is picking up their rental gear. The dad looks over the waiver form.

Dad: “Why do we have to sign all this? We’re just paddling. It’s not like we’re cliff diving.”

Me: “It’s standard liability stuff, just in case.”

Dad: “So what, if a squirrel jumps on my kayak and I fall in, you’re not responsible?”

Me: “Exactly.” 

Dad: “That’s ridiculous. I’ve signed fewer papers buying a car.”

Me: “Well, cars don’t capsize when your kid sees a frog and screams.”

I run a textbook rental store. A customer comes in with books so overdue that she has a $260 late fee.

Customer: “What! That’s crazy!”

Me: “Okay, I think we can find a workaround here. I think the best bet would be for you to pay the replacement fee, which essentially means you own the books—”

Customer: “—but I don’t want to own the books! That’s why I rented them.”

Me: “Yes I know, but let me explain. Then you could sell the books back to the store. I know the sell-back prices for all of these, so you should end up paying less than $40 for your late fee.”

Customer: “No! I shouldn’t be charged anything! I didn’t know the due date!”

Me: “It’s on the receipt we give out. Also, we sent out two reminder emails.”

Customer: “No! It’s not fair!”

Me: “Our store stickers are on the textbooks, quite prominently I might add. That should have been a reminder of where you got them and that there’s a due date.”

Customer: “Is there a manager I could speak to?”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well I manage a store too and I would never treat a customer like this! You’re being rude and… and… unpleasant!”

Yes, she said ‘unpleasant’. Fine, if she thinks I am unpleasant, time to be unpleasant.

Me: “If you manage a store as well then you understand that this is a business. I have policy to follow. No one at this store is your mother, and you are a college student. If you can’t remember due dates, you got problems girl.”

Customer: “I am never coming to this store again, none of my friends are ever coming here again!”

Me: “That’s fine, but remember I just tried to save you $220. I have your name and details recorded in our system. Are you paying the late fees that you owe, or will I be calling the police?”

There is a long moment of silence where the customer realizes she can’t “customer” her way out of this one.

Customer: *Very quietly and sheepishly.* “…I would like to pay the replacement fees for these books… and then sell them back to you.”

Me: *Staring.*

Customer: “Please.”

Me: “Splendid! Let’s get that sorted for you!”

She ended up paying $38 in the end and hopefully learned that the “I want to speak to the manager” strategy isn’t always effective.

Related:
Un-Fee-sably Expensive

I work in a store that rents out expensive filming and photography equipment. A woman walks up to the rental counter.

Customer: “I’m here to pick up.”

Me: “May I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Oh, they know me.”

She gestures to the air. I’m the only one behind the counter.

Me: “Okay, well I don’t think we’ve met.”

Customer: “Samantha, I’m with [Famous Photographer]. I reserved it like two weeks ago.”

Me: “Perfect, I just need to take a quick look at your ID, and you should be good to go.”

Customer: “Well I don’t have it. No one ever asks me for it because I know everyone here!”

Me: “Do you know me?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “May I see your ID, please?”

She tried to stare me down for about ten seconds. When I didn’t blink she left and came back with her ID.

I work the back shop at an equipment/tool rental place, dealing with everything to small drills or circular saws to large things like skid steers, mini excavators and a ton of powered landscaping or construction machines in between. Doing a regular inventory really wasn’t a thing, except for the parts in the repair shop – equipment was tracked through rental contracts and, well, just looking around.

One winter there the owner came around asking if anyone knew where one particular lawn aerator (one of four) was, thinking it was maybe offline for maintenance. Nobody in the back shop knew, but as the company would occasionally do very long rentals or sell off older units we hadn’t thought anything of it (not our department).

This machine had been MIA since the spring and there were no records in the office and us back shops grunts wouldn’t even be able to access them. We looked high and low but nothing. The owner just kinda shrugged and we grease-stained peons forgot about it.

The following summer a regular landscaping contractor showed up to return an aerator, which is a usual occurrence. It was obviously one of ours, had our stickers and our unit number painted on it, but it was covered in thick, dry dust that didn’t at all match the usual dirt you’d see on one of these.

The fellow quietly told us that he’d had some of his guys clean out a large storage shed and they found it where it had sat for more than a year – one of his employees had stored it, forgotten about it and, as happens when it’s the busy season, it got buried with other junk.

My boss was happy to get it back and, as there was no record of the rental (and this was a good, solid customer), he waived any rental fees. A quick service and pressure wash was all it took to put the machine back on line.

The glitch was entirely on the company and it’s entirely possible it had already been written off as a loss. The contractor could have removed any identifying marks and kept it – a machine worth a couple of grand back then, but he was an honest if slightly embarrassed man.

I work for a heavy equipment dealer that handles parts, sales, rental, and service for construction, mining, and farm equipment. Most of our customers calling in for specific people will have a first name and department, an extension, or a first and last name. Sometimes all they have is a first name, so I’ll have to ask a couple of questions to figure out the right person, but we still get there without much hassle. 

But every once in a while, I get a caller like this one.

Caller: “I need the guy I was just talking to.”

Me: “Okay, do you know his name?”

Caller: “I just talked to him.”

Me: “Right, but I don’t know who you were talking to, and I don’t think I was the one who took your call before. I need his name.”

Caller: “I was talking to him about a loader.”

Me: “That could be a lot of people. Was it for service, rental, parts, or sales?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I was just talking to him. I’m [Caller]!”

Me: “Sir, we have a lot of people here, and I have no way of knowing who was just speaking with you. I can narrow it down and call a couple of people if I know how he was helping you, but without that or a name, I won’t be able to help.”

Caller: “I was just talking to him a few minutes ago about a loader!”

Me: “What about a loader, sir? Were we servicing yours, or did you want to rent or buy one?”

Caller: “I don’t know! He was talking to me about a loader!”

We go back and forth like this a couple more times, with me trying to get some kind of information out of him that would help. I even ask if the names of a couple of our more commonly asked-for guys sound familiar, but he just keeps repeating that he doesn’t know. I give up and start calling a person in each department to see if they know who might have talked to this guy. After I get off with the third department, the caller cuts in.

Caller: “Why is this so hard?! I was just talking to him a few minutes ago about a loader! He was gonna send a tech out!”

I try very hard to keep from sounding irritated.

Me: “So, you were talking to someone in service.”

Caller: “Yes! That’s what I’ve been telling you! I was talking to him about a loader!”

Mostly I love my job, but there are days when I really wish I could reach through the phone and smack people.